DreamCity

Part 18

August 18

Just got back in from the screening with Simon.  It was a pretty cool flick.  It ran the festival circuit and was picked up by Sony.  It was about an exploration to the Grand Canyon.  I guess the mission of an independent film is to be weird.  The quirkier they are the more the hype they receive.   Afterwards we went out to dinner.  We went to this little Caribbean place not too far from the studios called Bamboo, on Venice.  It was unassuming, the food was good, especially the corn chowder.

Our conversation circled around jury duty, the industry, politics and the challenges of being a black actress.  Simon had an opinion on everything.  Not just a half-assed-talking-to-be-talking opinion either.  He was so well versed, he was able to make a solid argument for every opinion.  I really enjoyed our conversation.  When we left dinner, while waiting for the valet to bring our cars, I was surprised when he kissed me good night.  Pleasantly surprised.  The kiss was soft and so tender it just took my breath away.   His goatee tickled my chin.  When he pulled back, I was momentarily speechless.  I felt like Joey from that TV show Blossom.  All I could say was "whoa."  The valet brought my car first.  We didn't speak about the kiss, he just said I'll call you soon and then disappeared into his car which was behind mine.

Of course I went home and totally freaked out.  Him being white doesn't bother me as much as the difference in our economic levels.  I was checking out his watch and it had to cost at least $15,000.  The things he's done and the places he's been, how could I ever compete with that?

That kiss sure was something though.

August 19

Just heard from my agent that I didn't get one of the parts I auditioned for last week, apparently I wasn't black enough.  What does that mean?  How can I not be black enough when I've been black all of my life?  I know I'm probably fighting an uphill battle in Hollywood, but sometimes I just get so sick and tired of having someone else decide what experiences should constitute as "the black experience."  If I wear braids will that make me blacker?  Or maybe if I switch to my native tongue of Ebonics, perhaps that will prove I am definitely black.  I don't want to harp on it, but it's one thing to say, you're not right for the part because we want someone taller, or we want someone with a better dramatic range or anything other than something as ambiguous as "not black enough."   Who are they to judge anyway?  It's hard enough in this world trying to find your own place and trying to fit in without someone trying to take away the only thing you know for sure.  If I don't know anything else, I know I am a black girl from Jersey.

Sometimes I don't understand why they want to believe that we are just so different from them.

Rehearsals went well today.  We open next Thursday.  We perform Thursday through Sunday for the next three weeks.  Kandi's going to try and make it out.  She's feeling a little sore from her surgery.  She's says she's still swollen so it's somewhat hard to really gauge how good of a job they did.  She's supposed to be a 34C but she's just busting out all over the place in a 34DD.  Don't know how long it will take for the swelling to go down.  She seems happy though.  I went shopping with her last Saturday and she bought all of these halter-tops, crop tops, tops with plunging necklines.  Her attitude was, "I paid for 'em, therefore I will flaunt 'em."

She booked another commercial, and is up for a role on a soap opera.  It's an NBC soap, so I'm not that jealous.  

Oh well, I'm on my way out to screen the indie flick I was in.  I hope I didn't end up on the editing room floor.  I told Simon about the screening and he said he would try and make it.

August 20

Two exciting pieces of news, I'll start with business first.  I was fantastic!  I'm talking about my small role in the film that was screened last night.  Everyone cracked up over my part.  I had to deadpan this line "oh you can't be serious" at a really critical moment in the film and it came out really funny.  Judging from the amount of laughter in the audience they really connected with it.  It was a small screening, so there were only about 30 people there, but I tell you, almost all of them came up to me afterward and had something positive to say.