baby steps | ✓

twenty-seven

I AM IN LOVE WITH THIS POEM!!

  "Stop Alejandro!" she cried out feeling tears prick against her eyes and regret laying still in the bottom of her stomach. She felt her heart rip out of her chest at the sight of him drive away, not sparing another glance and she knew it had been her fault. It was her fault for taunting him, for making him doubt her feelings, for making him run away. God, she felt stupid and she felt like cryi

  "You know what, I-I, fine. To think that I actually wanted to ask you to be my girlfriend today, maybe this was a mistake,"  

  Those words would haunt her for the next few days, months or even years. She screwed things up with him and she can't believe it. He was going to ask her to be his girlfriend and she ruined it. Athena felt like shriveling up in a ball and cry. It was all her fault. Maybe it was a mistake to fall for him, or maybe it was a mistake trying to make him confess his feelings. She didn't know anymore. Her eyes pricked with unwashed tears and she stood on the side of the road, wishing, hoping he'd return and welcome her back with open arms. But, that was such a far stretch. She knew deep in her heart that maybe, just maybe things were going to be over before it even started.

  And it was all her fault.

    Athena went to class with something lodged in the back of her throat and feelings deflated as she sat in the back of the class, no attention paid to the teacher as she sat their emotionless as if the life had been drained out of her. She felt hurt, stupid and angry all at the same time, she wanted to scream, shout and cry, but she couldn't do all these things at once.  

  "Yeah, but it's not like we're dating or anything, we just like each other, but it doesn't mean I can't go out with other people, I can have friends too you know," 

  She hated herself, the very being inside of her hated everything she said and would do anything to turn back the time and say something else. She hated the words that spewed out of her mouth. She hated how she talked to him. She regretted everything. 

  "It's not like we're getting anywhere anyway, yes, I would've liked to go out with Xavier, who knows maybe I'll develop feelings for him, but you know how I feel about you, but that doesn't mean I can't go out and and explore the world right? 

  God, she didn't mean. She didn't mean any of it. Of course she'd want to go with him, screw Xavier. She'd rather go with Alejandro any day. They were going to get somewhere, if only she didn't screw things up. Goddammit. She thought the boys were meant to screw things up, not girls. Athena shook her head in dismay. She would rather go with Alejandro to the charity ball than Xavier, she was chatting with him, she never actually wanted to go anywhere with him. She only said 'I wish I was though,' so she didn't offend him. Instead, she offended Alejandro and it wasn't how she planned it to be.

  She liked Alejandro with all her heart and being, she'd do anything with him. She didn't care if she was watching the television with him, as long as she was with him that it would make her happy. She was always happy with Alejandro. He treated her like a queen as well as her son. Drew liked him a lot too, even though he couldn't really express him emotions. Drew would always calm down when ever Alejandro was around, cooing at him or talking to him. He acted like the real father of Alejandro and Athena loved watching them interact.

   They acted like a family, something Athena didn't have. Her parents died and her relatives disowned her. Drew, Alejandro and Clarissa was the closest she's ever gotten to a proper family. She longed for that, she longed for Alejandro. Her heart was hurting, but she knew his was hurting more. She felt sick even thinking about him being sad.