Giving Up

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Warning: Emotional Triggers.

Suicide is NOT an option.

Samantha.

I hadn't been out of my room in a little under a week. My mom would visit everyday and try to persuade me to go shopping with her, she'd tried anything to get me out of the house.

But I was stubborn, just like my parents.

My dad, he was upset because I wouldn't tell him the reason for my abrupt change of heart.

I was more......cruel. I found myself enjoying others suffering. Pain, emotionally, physically.

That's when I figured I needed help. I couldn't be this person, in those moments, I grew scared of myself.

I didn't think it was possible but my depression had resurfaced. It came back at me, for me.

I would pick at my food when my dad brought it, I would listen to music and get angrier, I would scream at myself for being so stupid.

Sometimes, I don't think it's a good idea to go through all this pain, all this heartbreak. But who would listen?

I had fell in love with Damon, a vampire. And he showed me what love had done to me, it blinded me.

He showed me his nature, he showed me what he was, what he'd always been.

I snuggled closer to my jumbo teddy bear, these days, my mom though it would help if I had someone to talk to. So she went all out and bought me Mr.Snuggles.

Truth was, I didn't want the bear but I found comfort in him. I was a grown teenager, yet so much as a child.

I glanced at my window, which has been closed for two days, the thin sky blue linen, illuminated the sunlight as it brightened the room.

I wish my emotions could be like that.

My phone buzzed, and yet again I ignored it.

Stefan and Damon had been pestering me about staying locked away every five minutes.

I didn't want to talk to them, I didn't want to see Damon or hear from him.

I've been hurt before by my past boyfriends but this, this one hurt the most. Poured my heart out just to receive the broken pieces in return.

Damon hurt me the most.

And I would not let anyone hurt me again.

So that's how I found myself crying in my bathroom, a handful of sleeping pills, pain pills and anxiety pills.

I looked at myself in the mirror.

I could only get madder because I always let this happen to myself.

I always let myself get hurt and no one sees that.

My pain is mine alone.

My hair was a mess, I had tons of bags under my eyes and my face had gotten bony.

I wasn't eating or drinking, even if I did, it resurfaced.

My dad was angry at me.

I cried.

My mom was angry at me.

I cried.

I was mad at the Salvatore brothers.

I cried.

But this crying has to stop. The pain has to stop. The heartbreak has to stop.

My life has to stop.

I didn't write a suicide note.

I didn't care to explain myself to a bunch of angry people.

All I need is for me to be free.

So that's how decided to  end my life.

I had overdosed on pills.

But when I fell to the ground, I saw how it unfolded.

I saw my eyes flutter shut, I heard my heartbeat slow down and I saw the happiness on my face.

I no longed had to feel pain.

Because death consumed me.
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