𝐀𝐋𝐌𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐇𝐎𝐌𝐄 ‣ jjk

一 ; freedom is a state of mind

day 1
12.25 am
lee haru

freedom is a state of mind

the night breeze is
as expected, mercilessly cold today
it's biting into my skin
and all of a sudden i feel exposed
like the piece of clothing that
had been on my body all of my life
has been tugged off
my soul exposed
weak, vulnerable, desperate

i walk these streets like it's my last time
down this dark neighbourhood road
this cage that keeps me restrained

i hope the note will work
but i know it's ridiculous
my parents aren't the kind
to take instructions from a stupid note

they'll come looking for me anyway

it's still and silent tonight
as if even the sky knows of my little escape,
the sleeping neighbourhood is peaceful
and i savour the moment while i can

it's not everytime that i manage to go out
without attracting too much attention
its just me and my shadow
the echoes of my footsteps
soft puffs of air i release into the sky
i always liked walking alone

the people are wealthy in this part of town
most of them work in large companies
or so happen to be inheritors
of their even wealthier ancestors
but they're not all friendly though

well
i've lived here long enough to know
that none of them truly are,
they're all holding behind a facade, a lie
ugly faces behind pretty masks
because that's how they make their money

i come from privileged family
so i know everything like the back of my hand,
when you're in the upper tier of the society
you tend to show less of your real self
and more of a manufactured image

my parents have money,
this isn't something i can hide even if i wanted to,
can't say im actually proud of it
believe me

my story goes a bit like this:

a girl is born
she is loved by her parents
one day, parents' company gets big and famous
parents crown money their god
parents neglect girl
girl becomes lonely and sad
people favour her a lot but
she doesn't make any friends
because she knows,
knows that they don't mean it
that all the kindness they put on is just for show
they don't love her for being her
they love her because she's pretty and rich
they love her because they get benefits in the end

girl calls them judgemental hypocrites
good for nothing proud, proud people
lovers of money and fame
just like her parents
girl begins to fade away slowly
a little bit day by day

eventually
girl has enough of parents
girl wants to run away
wants to break through this confining bubble

the roof of her three-storey home
is getting further away now
her pace quickens
her heart throbs harder
the excitement building up in her chest

this girl is going to get out
i'm going to get out

far away from this place
to somewhere better

i've never done anything besides
locking myself in my room
especially when everything just feels too much,
i'd shut the world out as a habit
because i always thought that
no one would ever care anyway

i should've done something
when i still had the chance
my parents had come down to me
with words that now echo in my mind
no matter how hard i try to push them out

i dont want to do it
i don't want to marry a stranger

wish i could say sike but
just because your life is like a movie
doesn't mean it's comfortable ride

but what if i mess things up?
what if i get caught?
what if i'm not careful enough?
what if i get hurt?

maybe it's the sudden act of rebellion
i've never once gone against my parents' instructions
but this feels somewhat good
as if i've finally done something
that makes me happy

if this is how it feels to be happy
i wouldn't ever regret this

sure the future can't be planned
i wouldn't know what kind of things
i would face out there
what kind of troubles
and unfamiliar paths i'm bound to cross
the strange people i will meet
shadows, dangers lurking in every corner

but this thrill i get in my chest
it's all it takes to assure me that this is right
this feels right

with these words in mind,
i ignore the cold metal around my finger
that seems to be getting tighter
and tighter
and tighter
with every step i take