𝐀𝐋𝐌𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐇𝐎𝐌𝐄 ‣ jjk

七十二 ; star struck

day 22
6.24 am
lee haru

star struck

i wake up with a heavy feeling in my face
and jeongguk's darkening expression
lingering in my mind
i couldn't say that i had some decent sleep
in fact
i couldn't get myself to fall asleep
even after the time surpassed
3 in the morning

and boy, i feel terrible both inside and out

how can i possibly get a wink of sleep
when my mind keeps playing the
events of yesterday evening
the way jeongguk seemed so hesitant
and that look in his eyes
that awful
awful look in his eyes
that amplifies my worries
a thousand times more

i take a glance out the window
to see the sun coming up over the horizon
casting streaks of
orange and yellow over the sky
the snowflakes leave trails of
mists on the window
and i can hear the birds singing outside
as if celebrating the start of a new day

turning to the nightstand
i see a book placed upside down
with its pages open
on the cover
are bold printed words saying;
THE PRINCESS SAVES HERSELF IN THIS ONE

it's the book jeongguk gave me in
that old bookstore in cheongju

i remember taking it out to read
hoping that it might make me doze off last night
but it didn't, and i had to lay in bed
for an even longer time
to force myself to fall asleep

i pick the book up
flipping to where i last left off

"he promised to fix me, and he left me
more shattered than i had ever been before
but now i've got gold in the cracks"

i flip again to the next page
fingers tracing the words as i mouth the words
in a soft whisper
"where do all the memories go?
the ones we hide away with lock and key
yet continue to shape us all the same"

another bird chirps a melody outside
i wet my dry lips before turning to the next page
"sticks and stones never broke my bones
but words made me starve myself
until you could see all of them
skin and bones"

i yawn, surprisingly
but i've learned based on personal experience
from the past 7 hours
that yawning doesn't mean you
could get to sleep just like that
ugh
well this is frustrating

i flip through the pages
again and again
stopping at none as i continue to yawn
in half boredom half sleep depravity
until stopping at the last page of the book

"i never expected death
to be my most faithful companion
but she is the only one
who will come without having to be asked"

oddly, there's a writing at the
corner of the page right above the poem
i don't recognise who it belongs to
probably the previous reader
but for some reason that writing
looks awfully familiar

"—and the one we can't run from"

death?
i tilt my head, eyebrows furrowing
to further understand

death is inevitable, unpredictable
it comes silently
whether it is welcomed or not
death, what an awful thing to exist

i close the book shut
and push it into my backpack
before climbing up to my bed again
i sit there cross legged as i stare out the window
not knowing what to do
or what to think of besides
jeongguk
jeongguk
jeongguk

should i just go check on him?

i slip outside into the hallway silently
hearing footsteps and voices
coming from downstairs
i assume it's jeongguk's parents and older brother
since they have to get up early to leave for work

i tip-toe past sarang's bedroom
where i catch her sleeping peacefully
through the small crack in her door
before heading to the last room
at the end of the hallway

i push the door open silently
and jeongguk is already up and awake
but my eyes widen at the sight
oh shit

he's not wearing a shirt
not like i've never seen him like that before but
oh shit

jeongguk is sitting on the edge of the bed
back facing the door
head tilted forward as he's
holding something in his hand
i can't see it clearly
but the mere sight of his back
is making me overreact already

he must've heard the door opening
because he's turning around and giving me
a surprised but not unwelcomed glance
"pinky? you're awake this early?"
he reaches over to grab a sweater from the side

"slept really well last night i guess?"
i reply
trying not to get distracted by his broad shoulders
damn it, haru stop drooling

in a moment he's all dressed up
and pushing the object he's been holding
under his pillow

i get the slight feeling that
it's something he doesn't want me to see

the urge to scream at him for the truth
rushes in again
but i stand my ground
might as well ask him tonight
when the lanterns are flying in the sky
when it's probably going to be our last
moment together before we finally part ways

he'll have no choice but to
tell me everything by then

he beckons me to enter and i step in hesitantly
looking around his room and admiring the things
he kept on his shelves and walls
it looks like a typical teenage boy's bedroom
warm and lively
there are a few posters on the walls
a plushie on his desk
a photo frame of his family on his nightstand
even a closet filled with white shirts

jeongguk catches me smiling
and he's walking over to me and patting my head
"good morning" he pipes up
much more cheerful than yesterday

"morning, hot stuff" i say with a wink
and his mouths forms a cute 'o'

"well morning, baby" he fires back
and i swear to god i think i'm going to have a seizure

jeongguk sighs, running his hand through his hair
"i think i should just start
calling you baby instead of pinky"
he says
and i widen my eyes at him

"wait what"

"baby" he repeats again
"that sounds cute"

"you're making us sound like a couple"

"mhm" he hums casually
"that would be nice"

"oh is hot stuff confessing his feelings now?"

he laughs, pinching me on the cheek
"if i was going to confess
i would've done it in a more special setting
not just in my bedroom at 6 in the morning"

can i jump out a window now

i respond with a nervous chuckle
hitting him playfully on the shoulder
"so what's our schedule for today
hot stuff"

"number 14 on your list"
he replies quickly

"i'm amazed at how you manage to
remember them all when
i can't even remember them myself"

jeongguk taps his navel
"good memory"

"nice
but we don't have a flower field to
bask in during winter season now
do we?"
my bucket lists are dumb, really
i couldn't write the right things
for the right time

but jeongguk always knows what to do
"actually
i have something better in mind"