𝐀𝐋𝐌𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐇𝐎𝐌𝐄 ‣ jjk

七十五 ; false hopes

day 22
7.14 pm
jeon jeongguk
3rd person point of view

false hopes

the first thing he sees when he opens his eyes
is bright blinding lights

for a moment he thinks he's already in heaven
and the lights are the glorious gates welcoming him in
and then he panics;
he can't die yet
not when he's still left some things undone

he tries moving his fingers
then his hand
and moves them up to rub his eyes
just to make sure that it isn't what he thought it was

he finds himself laying in a bed
but not his bed at home
the smell of medicine and chemicals
fill his nostrils
that sickening smell that made him remember
the first time he came to the hospital
to check up on why he was feeling so unwell

he's in a private hospital room
and there's an iv connected to his hand
it gave him terrible glimpses of the past
that he wished so much he could forget about

he looks around him
eyes scanning the room until he sees
a familiar brunette's head
on the edge of his bed
face down, with her hair thrown all over
as if she'd accidentally fallen asleep
he reaches out slowly to pat her head
checking if she's really sleeping

she doesn't budge
so she must be really tired
jeongguk tries shifting his body
but they hurt with every move
he whimpers painfully
and somehow that manages
to wake haru up

her eyes are a little swollen
and her nose is red as if she'd been crying
and god
did it stab jeongguk in his heart

"j-jeongguk? you're awake?"
she stutters
eyes widening as she sits back up
and quickly checks to see if he's alright

jeongguk opens his mouth to answer
but all that comes out is a choked up "yeah"
that he doubts he can hear
so he nods his head instead

she releases a long sigh
and jeongguk notices how tired she looks
"pinky
are you okay?"

"i don't know, am i?"
she snaps
and jeongguk tries not to show how taken aback he is
"are you seriously asking me if i'm okay?"

"i—"

she throws herself forward
wrapping her arms around him desperately
like she was clinging on for dear life
she's sobbing into his shirt
soaking it with her tears
but he doesn't reprimand her for it

"god damn it jeongguk
you can't just faint on me and leave me hanging
for 8 fucking hours
and expect me to be okay with that!"

"pinky—"

"for once
would you please stop worrying about me and
worry about yourself instead
for god's sake, i'm scared
i don't know what is going on with you
and why you're trying to hide it from me
just, please
i need to hear you tell me the truth yourself"

jeongguk doesn't flinch at her sudden outburst
he merely wraps his arms around her
feeling the warmth radiating around them
and closing his eyes as he strokes the back of her head
shushing her gently
"stop crying, pinky please"

she shakes her head violently
"j-jeongguk i'm scared"

"you don't have to be" he whispers

"i really wish i could slap you right now
but we're in a hospital
and i'd get kicked out for that"

jeongguk chuckles bitterly before pulling her away
bringing a thumb up to wipe the tears off her cheek
before staring into her eyes
relishing in the stars hidden in them

the door opens slowly
and jeongguk looks up to see the doctor stepping in
a gentle smile on his face
he turns back to haru
and tucks one of her fringes behind her ear
"pinky"

"no, you are not asking me to get out"
she says firmly
and jeongguk's eyes are pleading

"why can't you trust me?
i have the right to know what's going on here"
she's fuming
drilling into holes into his face with her gaze
she turns back to the doctor
and he gives her an apologetic look
"jeongguk please"

"i'll explain everything after tonight
i promise pinky, please"
jeongguk whispers
haru's eyes are glassy
tears threatening to fall
but she blinks them away furiously
and clenches her jaw
before getting off the bed and
storming out of the room

once she's gone, jeongguk finally releases his breath
and the doctor takes the seat beside him
"jeongguk-ssi" he starts and jeongguk nods
"you've been out for awhile
how are you feeling?"

jeongguk doesn't reply for a moment
as if taking his time to think before uttering a brief
"i'm fine"

"according to your records—"

"i have acute myeloid leukemia
i know, doctor
and there isn't anything i can do
about it now is there?"
jeongguk interrupts
not missing the doctor's stunned look

"we can still get you treatment
but the chances are very very low"

this was exactly the reason why
he didn't like hospitals
they keep telling him things that
he already knew

"i've already accepted it" jeongguk says
"i've accepted my fate
i'll just wait for my time to come"
he swings his legs over the bed to get up

"are you just going to give up jeongguk-ssi?"

jeongguk freezes
lowering his head
"what use would it be to keep
holding on to false hope?"
he pulls the iv out of his hand
and throws on his coat

the doctor stands to stop him
but jeongguk doesn't look like he's by any bit affected
"i'll be discharged
i have... things to do"

"we can always help you, jeongguk-ssi"
the doctor tries reasoning again

jeongguk forces a smile
"please do me a favour"
he glances at the door
"she can't know about this
i'll tell her about it myself"

the doctor nods
face filled with regret
"i hope you change your mind, jeongguk-ssi
we'll do everything we can to help"

jeongguk steps out of the room
seeing haru leaning against the wall
head tilted forwards
eyes closed as more tears are slipping down her cheeks

he licks his bottom lip
his chest getting heavier
and walks over to take her arm
pulling her towards the exit with him

she tries to resist
tugging on his hand on her arm
but he doesn't budge
"jeongguk wh—"

"lanterns" he flashes a smile
"it's nearly 8
we're going to miss it
if we stay here any longer"

she stares at him as if he just grew three heads
"no" she hisses, scratching at his hands
and pulling away harshly
"forget the lanterns
i'm tired of running around in circles
would you please just get to the point?
i'm not going anywhere until you tell me
what the hell is going on"

jeongguk sighs, not bearing to look into her eyes
because by doing so
every single barrier he's been holding up
will crash down on him
"i already told you
i'll explain everything after the lanterns are over"

"jeongguk i don't want the lanterns anymore—"

"i'm begging you" he says, his voice cracking
as if he's holding back the urge to break down
"if you care about me, you would do this for me"

haru bites on her bottom lip
averting her eyes to stare at the ground
as she sniffs uncontrollably
jeongguk steps forward and cups her cheek
caressing her face gently
"please, i'm begging you"

he looks so broken
and haru's breathing becomes ragged
as she pulls him into a hug again
"shh" he whispers
"it's going to be fine
let's just go, okay?"

he can't help but feel the stab in his heart
and it hurts more than any bullet or knife