From hate, to Lust to Love

4. It all started with a kiss

I just cant think it happened. I don't have Muslim friends. I always thought this woman, whom I don't even know the name, is a primitive thing coming from stone age and wear wool garment and smell like dead meat.

What I saw and what I experienced is not what I expected. No one cold have looked so beautiful with a red tube top and a denim. That image is ruined for any woman who will wear a red tube top. She fit perfectly in to my arm when I held her. Though I was furious and looking to hurt her, I yet stopped it before I lose it completely.

"Do you pin every girl you meet on to the wall?" she asked me boldly. Now there is a genuine dilemma in this question. I made me smile. A feisty thing she is in all her covered dress.

"Only the ones who make me angry" and I did the only thing probably I have ever done without thinking of the consequences, which is kiss her. When I touch my lips to hers, desire just flooded and clouded all my judgments. She want to break free, I know because she was struggling against my hold. But I am damn too stronger than her. Then I tasted her tears. That's when I know, first time ever, my anger which is legendary to destroy everything I touch, has gone.

"Is it that bad you have to f*cking cry on me?" I asked her gently. She kept her gaze down. She is the epitome of womanhood. She is the kind of girl one marries, one have children with, one heal themselves with. But I am not that f*cking idiot.

So I did what I never do, which is give a f*ck and told her "replace the lock and secure the bolt"

I surprised her. She was totally confused. I am her first kiss. How do I know? From the way she was trying to avert my kiss and the way she was struggling. well, well, forbidden fruit does taste very good.

**************************************

 I am going to move from this damn apartment. I don't want to live here. I cried all night. I felt really bad. I kept playing the scene over and over again wondering what I cold have done differently and why didn't I do it. He was an extremely good looking guy. But I saw what he was doing 5 minutes before he kissed me. And I feel dirty.

I had a shower and slept really hurt and disgusted. He was me without my hijab. That was bad enough, I allowed him to kiss me. I never liked his kiss. It was forceful. I wonder why people like this kissing if it was anything I was feeling when he kissed me.

I think may be it was well past down, I fell asleep. It was a good thing I didn't have to go to work the following day. I didn't leave home because I was sulking. Around 5 p.m I heard my bell ring. I went just peep in the door to see who it could be at this time, and this time really got annoyed.

"Seriously? What to you want now? Rape?

"Open the door or I will have to break it"

"Go away. I don't want to see you" I said firmly.

"You have exactly 15 seconds before I open this door"

I panicked. I know he is capable of breaking in.

"Wait. I will open" I ran in to my room, grabbed my abaaya and headscarf, then open the door. I opened enough for me to see him and for him to respond.

"What do you want?"

"Is this how you treat guest?" he just push the door and came in with his laptop. No, no. I don't want him or his laptop in my apartment.

"I hand enough of you and last time I spilt coffee in your laptop. So leave"

"What's your wifi password?"

"Now why would I give you that?"

"Look, you want an apology, I"ll give it to you after I send this important modification to a software to a Middle East client who is demanding it to be delivered within in the next 30mins before my internet went off. Now wifi password?"

"No, out" I said firmly.

"I can kiss you again" he said teasingly. So this is a joke for him.

"I know how to defend myself. I will shred you in to pieces" I told him boldly.

"Oh come on. where is your Islamic teaching about loving your neighbor? Just give me the password"

"Okay. You leave in 5mins. Okay?" I asked him.

"Password"

And I gave him the password. He sat down on the floor with his computer on the sofa, and start working. It looks like complicated . I cleared my table which I have kept with a fish bowl and plants, so he could do his work, out of goodness in my heart. I never boast about my goodness, but this is sure goodness in my heart for I rather kill him than make him comfortable.

"Okay use the table and get out of my house when your work is done" I told him and went to cook something for me. Its dinner time shortly. For a change I want to make Italian. When I started making my pasta, I heard this guy I am yet to know his name saying "smell nice"

"Just get out when you are done"

He worked for about 1 hour while I observe him from the open kitchen where I am cooking. I can see his excitement, frustration and then a smile when he thought he fixed something from where I am cooking. It has a child like quality to him. Suddenly he looked tired and I swear, all my anger, resentment, hatred just vanished, when he asked me in so much uncertainty,

"Can I have a glass of water?"

I know that feeling. When you are exhausted and a long day is ahead of you, and when you ask someone for something you need and sure know going to get rejected, that is the look and tone he had. Suddenly my I felt constricted in my heart. I stared at him for may be 2seconds.

"Yes" and I handed him over a glass of water with some home made brownies and ice cream. And he had a childlike happiness in his expression.

"Okay, now I am concerned. Any of these poisoned?"

"Just shut up. Eat if you want and then go" I told him quite offended, or rather pretending to be offended. This guy has a way about it, when he is calm and relaxed.

"Hey, I am truly sorry about yesterday. It's just sometimes when I get angry I do things ideally I shouldn't"

"I agree that much. If you promise to be an ideal example of a neighbor with no noises, no screaming, no banging in to my house, no touching, then your apology is excepted" I told him.

He had a devilish smile.

"I am Robert by the way. Everyone call me Rob"

"I am Amira. Everyone call me Amira" I told him mockingly.

"Can I just finish my work before I go and check my apartment? I need this done ASAP"

"Okay, no problem"

And he stayed for a good 4 hours. For some reason I didn't feel threatened this time. The food I made was enough for the two of us. He really enjoyed my food.

"You are an amazing cook. I blame myself for not banging in months ago, so I could have been privy to these kind of food"

"I am not giving you anymore food" and he made his puppy face.

"A way to a mans heart is his stomach. Remember?"

"Oh shut up" and we ate happily. It was a nice experience. He was polite. He kept his distance and he genuinely apologized many times. I think with all these negativity, I found a friend.