From hate, to Lust to Love

17 I am not Helen

He called me "honey"

When Robert spoke to Helen, I was surprised and shocked. He defended me with the same ferociousness in which he hated me. I could see he is losing his temper and it wont take long for him to do something to Helen. I don't want that. I moved to him and held his hand in an attempt to stop him. And I felt good about it. I felt good after years. And when he called me "honey" I kept my gaze steady on the floor.

"Thanks" I told him. I don't want any drama right now. I want some space. I decided to go to my room.

"I'll leave you to your work"

"Please. Stay with me for a while" is it a plea bordering almost a begging I heard in his voice?

"Oh ok"

"Lets to the balcony" and we moved silently.

"Will you ever forgive me? I swear I missed you. There wasn't a single day I didn't remember the good times we shared. And now there is not a day pass by I just cant get over the grief I caused you." He told me almost in a heartbreaking voice.

"Give me some time Robert. Please. I know I have forgiven you from my heart, but I want time to accept it. You have been generous and kind. I appreciate it. It really feel nice be looked after"

"Do you know this all the houses in this area has an inbuilt camera in the house?" I asked her with a small smile.

"No No. You idiot. were you looking at me from those cameras?" I asked him quite outrageous. I was wearing mini skirts, skinny tops and almost ridiculous dresses given to me by Jude. Had he seen me in them? Astagfirullah..

"The white dress you were wearing today is breath taking. You could model you know" he told me as it was a casual occurrence where I parade myself in front of him. I was so angry, I punched him on the shoulder.

"ouch. what is that for?"

"That is for spying on me" and I punched again "This is for seeing me without my permission" I punched again "This is for hurting me over the years" another punch "this is for not trusting me" another punch "this is for kissing me" and when I tried to punch again, he stopped my hand and pulled me towards him.

His hard chest was like colliding with a stone.

"What the ........." before I could finish the sentence, his mouth was on mine. I went to my frozen self again. I didn't know what to do nor I was capable of thinking. He slowly kissed my lips like her is afraid I might break. I don't know what to do. Why am I not fighting?

I didn't know when I closed my eyes. I thought kisses are repulsive. Only Robert had kissed me before and both time he did it with anger. But when he is tender and loving, he makes me forget myself. And I didn't know when I started to respond to his kiss. But after a while, he deepened the kiss while my hands involuntarily held his neck.

We were kissing and I can feel my knee going weak. And suddenly realization hit me on face.

***************************

I swear I wasn't going to kiss Amira. But she just took my breath away with her small tantrum. I know by now she has forgiven me. After a long moment of uncertainty and surprise, she kissed me back. I know I am the only man who had ever touched her kissed her. I feel ashamed of the way, I behaved couple of years ago. This is a woman who should be treated like a flower with tenderness and care. All I did was completely destroy everything she had.

The moment I felt she is responding to me, I couldn't stop myself. I need more. I want more. I deepen the kiss by sliding one arm around her back and other one firmly placing it on her head. She tasted divinely. I had have many women in my life. Sometimes on daily basis. I have slept with supper models. But I have never felt like this before.

I tried to slide my tongue in to her, and then I felt Amira was feeling uncomfortable. I raised my head.

"Please. No" and what did I see in those eyes?? Pain? Despair?

And then tears. Next minute she buried her head on my chest and started sobbing. Each sob is like a knife to my heart. I held her firmly sorrow completely taking over what ever passion I had. I put my arms around her. Held her in to hug while letting her release all that sorrow. If I could take all that sorrow from her at this moment, without a hesitation I would do that.

I kissed the crown of her head and forehead.

"I am so so sorry my love. Please. I promise you I will do whatever I can, no matter what it will cost me, to make you happy"

she kept her face buried in my chest for a long time. It felt like she belongs in my arms. When she tried to move away, I didn't want her to.

"No. Stay in my arms please. A little longer" I asked her. Without any hesitation, she did.

"What worry me most is, the revenge you seek from others can destroy you in return. I worry about you. May be in time, when I am no longer there, I fear your will lose all your moments of tenderness to bitterness. I have seen it happen" she murmured against my chest.

"I am not letting you go anywhere. You belong in this house. with me" I head her chuckle.

She lift her head from my embrace, looked in to my eyes and asked the only thing I am not sure if I can give her ever.

"Will you give up hurting your grandparents and aunties? please. If you are really sorry for hurting me, then can you do that for me? please?"

Suddenly I was not at ease. I could feel my anger and bitterness returning. I think Amira read my change of moods. She shook her head.

"You are who you are. A matter of time before you strike me again, toss me out of my ear and without a single thought, will destroy me"

"No. I will not hurt you ever again"

"How can you hurt others but spare me? Tell me? You haven't learnt forgiveness. You haven't learn to trust. Don't blame it on your grandparents for that. I had a rough time growing up. And I was eating scrap before you decided to keep me here. You single handedly ruined me. I am not Helen. I rather be on the street"

With that she walked away.