From hate, to Lust to Love

14 All of me

 The room June took me was huge. It is twice the  size of my older apartment. I hardly think of that place. It had been a place which I truly felt home. I had everything brought and arranged according to how I like first time in my life. I was so free. How time changed.

I am sure Robert is not telling me the full story behind hiring me as his assistant house maid/cook. Though he was stern many times, the anger quite really meet his eyes. I am not sure what to make of this. I can only prepare for a big latter which I am sure will take even the little things I have forever.

"June, are you sure? This room is kind of supper grand. I can stay at the servants quarter. I have never had a room like this before nor will need it in the future"

"Honey, If master says you stay here, then this is where you will stay. Come now, let me help you unpack"

There was a huge poster bed, with white silk sheets. A sofa and a room attached to the bedroom for clothes. One could safely hang around 300 dresses in that room and my entire possession was enough to fill the small drawer in one of the smaller cupboards.

"You get some rest now. There is a bath tub with bubbles. You can use it. We serve dinner at 8. I will wake you up before that"

"June, thank you" I told her with a genuine smile. He presence is quite warming. She looks like a mother hen.

Ever since Robert attacked me, I stop wearing tops and pants. Now I wear only long sleeves long maxi with abaaya. My abaaya was not enough last time, and it wont be if someone attacked me again. After a bubble bath, I came to bed. It's been nearly 2 years since I slept well. I get nightmares very often. Even without nightmares the bed I had was hard as a rock. So as soon I kept my head on the feather light pillows, I slept like a baby. I didn't want to sleep but I did.

June woke me up around 7.30. I got dressed in my abaaya, and went for dinner. As I walked to the dining room, I froze.

Once I had a rough day, and was crying. Robert sang "All of me" and I loved it. I could hear a faint music on the background. What he told me was "Even when you are crying you are beautiful too" and when every I wear make up he used to say "All your perfect imperfection".

Robert saw me. I really had to fight my tears. Oh, I once had a happy life. I remember all the time he spent annoying and teasing me. I couldn't stop the tears flowing down. How he destroyed me for something I wouldn't have even dream of doing to him.

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All of me is a song I use to sing Amira when she is upset. She used to smile when I say "Even when you are crying you are beautiful too"  or alter it to "Even when you are pissing mad you are beautiful too"

I played the song just to trigger some emotions. I want her to know I remember everything. She stopped moving as soon as she heard the song. I could see her shaking. I remember once I made her happy.

She wiped her tears and came in to the room.

"I am sorry I kept you waiting. Can you please stop this music?" She asked me clearly shaken.

And I did what she asked. She sat and waited for another order.

"Eat"

"Why are you doing this? I mean, if you are intending to crush me, know well, I am crushed. I am scared of touch, scared of dressing, scared of sleeping alone, scared of smiling, scared of eating, scared of living. So, please tell me what you are intending to do?"

I reached her across the table. I can't see the pain in her eyes. I grabbed her hand while she was shaking. I kissed her hand.

"I am so so sorry" tears kept flowing like a river.

"I didn't take anything from you. I never touched any of your things. I promise you. I cant prove it. But trust me, if I had taken all the money, I would have lived a comfortable life. But I lived in poverty. I ..........." and she couldn't finish her sentence. She broke down with hard sobs. God, what have I done. Seriously what have I done?

"Asad is my step father. He hated me. I never worked for him. He is the reason I left home. I promise you I am telling the truth. Mum stopped speaking to me after my pics came on different sites. Even Marry and others stopped talking to me. I am living a lonely life. Every breath is an effort to me. So, you see, you see, I am an example of living dead. Sometimes I feel numb. So, if you are intending to play a cruel joke on me, please, I beg you, spare me. I beg you" she actually believes I have brought in here to hurt her. I cant blame her. What I did for her is beyond forgiveness.

"I know you didn't do it" I told her burying my face in her hand. It's rough from hard work. And a lot smaller than I last held her. She stared at me shocked.

"How?"

"It was that woman who came to my house who planted a bug in my PC. She used your wifi. Please forgive me"

Her hands went cold in mine.

"I told you repeatedly, I didn't do it. You hit me. You know Asad is a low life but he hasn't strike me even once but you did. I begged you repeatedly not to assault me. But you did. You knew me for over 6 months, I looked after you. I hate pasta, but I make it often because you like it. I don't drink coffee, but I buy your favorite flavor so I can make it when you are working. But you didn't listen to me when I needed you to listen to me. I cover from my head to toe. But my pics are all over porn sites. And after two years of suffering, you tell me I didn't do it and you were sorry?"

she got up from the table.

"Please listen to me"

"I will go tomorrow. You don't have to pay me off for my sufferings"

"Damn it. Listen to me. If you go, I will carry on my threat of your family" I told her.

"You see Robert, once you meant the world to me. I would have sacrificed a lot to make you happy. Once my family meant the meant the world, and I would have done anything for them. But I meant nothing to you and my family. I want to help my family but not out of your pity"

"Your mother is a heart patient. She wont stand for long"