From hate, to Lust to Love

12 Feelings

I read the report on the same day. And when I finished it, I was broken.

Amira started to work at her local grocery shop when she was 12, until she found her job at Coopers. Neighbors went in to details explaining the nice girl with a nasty family. It also said Amira wore hand down clothes. Generally excluded from family events. It goes further to say, it was her step father who wanted her to marry Raiz, the guy I freaked out. Raiz has an abusive past. His first wife accused him of domestic abuse and rape. All in all, step father and step daughter never had a good relationship.

But that is not the reason I believed her. I wanted to check my old computer for one small clarification. I checked for bugs when I traced back the records. But I am not sure I checked for firewall and bugs behind it. And luckily this computer is the same one I am still using. And that's where  I found a suspicious document with a bug, which could take my coding and send it to another IP address. When I checked the IP address, what I found rather broke me in to pieces.

Alicia John. The girl I left at my apartment while lazing at Amira's one is the one who had planted this. She has taken Amira's wifi details so who ever trace back can detect it but the phone IP address she directed could be traceable.

Oh my God. What did I do. I remember how she begged me when I assaulted her. How she looked when I gave her pics to a porn site, how I made sure she doesn't get any decent job. I did all that for something she didn't do. I spoke crudely about her and her step father. I made her life a miserable one.

The report says her monthly income is $600 with 3 jobs. And she pays 400 for a bed space close by and live on 200. No wonder she had lost all that weight. It felt really heavy on my conscious. I remember the teasing girl who cooked me dinner, looked after me when I am sick and why, even cleaned my house when it was too messed up. I slapped her. The thought made me almost tear. I saw that expression in her eyes, when I slapped her right across the face. The look she gave me when she stumble with the force of my slap was too painful. I almost raped her all the while she was asking for once change to speak and explain. I have starved her.

I am not in love with her but what I did to her heart me too deep. I arrange one of the baby sitters to arrange a meeting with her, as I want to make it right by her. May be I can give her some money, she can stay with me for a while and I might be able to get her to work for me. All possibilities played in my head. But first we need to talk.

I saw when Amira came in. I was watching her from the CCTV fixed in and out of my house. She was observing everything. I asked the maid to place her in the open area facing the beach. She didn't sit in the luxury sofa and chairs. She was staring at the ocean. Her black abaaya is almost worn out. Her headscarf is faded. She looks exactly what poverty looks like.

"Amira" I told her softly. She turned so violently I thought she would fall from where she was standing right down to the ground floor. When she saw me, I could see fear replacing her initial shock and then I could see she was trembling. Oh my God. What have I don't to her.

"I am sorry. I came to the wrong house. Please forgive me. I will leave" she was shaking like a leaf, and I cursed myself. I made her this.

I extended her my hand. She almost jump. I was so shocked and the expression in her eyes could have killed me.

"Don't hurt me, please. I am sorry. I will go" she told me in a small voice. This is the same woman who teased me mercilessly who is retreating like a scared and sacred animal.

"Amira, I want to talk to you. I promise you I wont hurt you, I ........" I don't know what to say.

"I don't have anything. I swear. I don't even have money. My family is not with me. You are smart and you have an IT company. You can verify what I said. So spare my family please. You are right, I have absolutely little reason to live. But let me do so anyway" she was so intense in protecting her family which had abandoned her during her difficult time, yet she want to protect them.

The look in her eyes was enough to know she will not accept my apology or any grants from me. I don't deserve her forgiveness either. I want to make it right but for that I need to compose myself.

"I'll spare your family on one condition" I told her.

"Tel me" she asked skeptically.

"You will work for me. You will stay in this house. You will cook and maintain the house. If you do that much, I will pay you and you can save your family from further ruin"

"I can't. I am sorry. See, I am exhausted. I just want to live away you know. You had your revenge. You saw to it that I am never happy again, and I can assure you I will never be" she said with her sad smile. Her eyes are lifeless. And I know what she says is true.

"You can choose. If you stay here, you can use all the luxury in this house. You will cook for you and me. That's all. Your mother who apparently is a heart patient can have rest of her life untroubled" I told her with false rudeness and intensity.

She was thinking. It took her a full 2 minutes before she answered.

"If I agree, would you promise you will not strike me or verbally abuse me?" a part of me died when she asked that. It did. I felt pain like I have never felt before. But I have to do this for her. I have to manipulate the situation.

"No, I wont"