The Hermit Herbalist

Chapter 23 - Lives Alone

Loki gathered herbs in her basket, resting the wicker bottom against her protruding stomach.  It had been eight months since the battle for the village and Clint's disappearance.  Loki had confided in Ogen what her condition was, and the healer had cursed Clint for leaving her.  Loki patiently defended her husband against all accusations that were made.  She said he needed to see his friends.  Ogen mentioned that he said 'family' and Loki assured him that they meant siblings, cousins, that sort of thing.  Gyda seemed to believe that Clint was still good and meant to come back to his loving wife, but as Loki's time drew near, she began to doubt herself.  Loki sighed as she finished with the herbs, and returned to her little house.  It seemed so much bigger now, though.  She was alone, no longer sharing a bed with another person who cared for her.  Clint was no longer there to hunt for her, and being heavy with child, made it impossible for her to set traps for herself anymore.  She was relying on the charity of her village.

Loki closed and bolted the door as was her custom now.  Even though the raiders had basically been destroyed, Kael had not been found among the dead.  She was watchful and careful.  Loki carefully sat herself down and stroked her round belly.  The infant kicked and Loki let a few tears fall from her eyes.  Clint was missing so much back on Midgard.  He missed it when Loki's figure started to change, when the swell began between her hips, when her breasts enlarged and became gloriously sensitive.  He was not there when the child first moved and persistently shoved a limb up under her sternum.  He was not there to hold Loki's hair from her face as she wretched, voiding the contents of her stomach.  He was absent, and unable to cuddle against her, stroking her belly, where their child grew.  Loki bowed her head and caved, sobbing bright, large, diamond-like tears.

Clint woke up alone in his bed in Avengers Tower, feeling cold and alone at Loki's absence.  When he had been well enough, he had returned with the Avengers to New York, and had been evaluated by SHIELD.  He quickly dispelled Fury's doubts that he had in any way, been harmed while in his banishment.  The doctors had gone over the old burn marks and other wounds that Loki had already cured for him.  As for Natasha's suspicions, she had cornered him when they had gotten back.  "It's a wedding ring you have, Clint.  Who is it?" she posed as she closed the door to his room.  Clint bit his lip and looked down at the golden band.

"I can't tell you," he answered and Natasha's fine eyebrow went up.

"You're not one to keep secrets from me.  We're partners.  We tell each other everything," Natasha commented as she sat next to him on the bed.  She eyed him as he stroked the ring.  "She must mean something to you if you aren't telling me," she remarked.  Clint laughed a little and nodded.

"Yes!  She means a lot to me.  But... I'm afraid what everybody else will say if I admit who it is," he answered.

"Not Sif, surely.  She's got her eyes on Thor as plain as day," Natasha said and Clint blinked several times.

"No!  Not Sif, are you nuts?  That would be like trying to mate with a bear!" Clint exclaimed indignantly.

"Well, I won't tell her if you won't," Natasha admitted and they smiled at each other.  "But seriously, Clint; you will tell me who it is eventually, right?"  Clint looked at his partner.  It was sad how his relationship with Loki had in a way, driven a wedge between himself and Natasha.  After a moment, he nodded and placed his hand over hers.

"Sure, Nat.  I'll you," he said softly.  Natasha smiled, stood up and eyed him with an amused expression on her face.

"I shouldn't be surprised that nobody's noticed it yet.  But then, sometimes, I don't think I work with the sharpest tools in the chest," she joked and Clint laughed a little as she walked out of his bedroom.  

Loki sat before her fire with Ogen occupying the seat opposite her.  "Eight months, Ikol.  Eight months!  You'll be ready for your lie in soon, and where is he?!" the healer challenged and Loki raised her hand, silencing him.  

"He was separated from his friends for almost a year.  He misses them, and I do not begrudge the time he spends with them," Loki answered before she winced.  The baby had kicked her again.  The child certainly seemed to be a fighter.  

"Did he leave with the knowledge that you were with child?" Ogen queried, glaring at her.  He was annoyed that she always seemed to be fighting him these days.  

"No.  He had no knowledge.  I had no knowledge at the tine," Loki lied.  Even though it had been in the heat of battle, telling Clint that they were to have a baby, had been important to Loki.  He needed to know.  "He'll be back.  I feel it in my bones," Loki lied again, in a too cheery tone of voice.  Ogen sensed it and he frowned.

"Well, you were once the God of Lies," he commented and Loki stiffened.  She paled before she started to visibly tremble.  "Your name was the giveaway.  I vaguely recall when I was a child and you came to visit Nornheim to study magic from our sorcerers.  You were young then yourself, and so full of curiosity.  You've changed so much since then.  Just know that I will protect you and your baby," Ogen assured her.  Loki started to openly cry at this and the healer drew her into his arms.  "There, there.  There's nothing to worry about.  I haven't told anyone, but Clint, while he was still here."

"He knew that you knew?" Loki asked, enjoying the embrace, even if it was not from Clint.

"Yes.  He was scared at first as well, but I talked him down.  I know he is a good man... I'm just wondering why he's been gone this long," Ogen said.  Loki did not have the answer, and she thought back to her previous lie: about Clint being back in time.  She had no idea if he would return at all, whether of his own volition, or accompanied by people who would think she bewitched him.  

"He'll be back," Loki repeated and she and Ogen pulled apart.  The old man gave her a sad smile and squeezed her hand.  He kissed her forehead then went to prepare some tea to soothe her and the child.  Loki leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes.  She was exhausted.

"So...  Whose the lucky lady?" Tony finally asked one day when all the Avengers were gathered together for dinner.  Clint froze with his fork halfway to his mouth.  His friends all looked around at him with varying expressions of curiosity.  Tony genuinely wanted to know; Steve looked curious, if mildly uncomfortable.  Bruce simply put his glasses on, a universal preparation for a long conversation; Thor leaned forward, and Natasha just smiled at Clint.  The hawk looked down at the ring that still adorned his finger.  He had never taken it off, and had done everything in his power to conceal it from the others.  He had not removed it because he felt like it was the last link between him and Loki.  He wanted to go back, but with his friends watching him so closely, and Fury and SHIELD asking after him every day, it was hard for him to ask Thor.  

"Well?" Thor posed, getting impatient.

"It's... um... it's..." Clint mumbled, feeling nervous tingles creeping up his body.  Everyone was watching him like a hawk (yes, it is a pun).  He looked down at the ring and inhaled and exhaled.  This is going to be difficult to explain.  Might as well get it over with.  "I'm married to the girl who saved when I arrived on Nornheim, and I was kind of injured when I arrived on Nornheim, and the girl turned out to be Loki born in a new body, and she took care me and gave me a home, and introduced me to the village, and they all like me!  I married her because there was this guy that attempted to rape her and I wanted to protect her and I kind fell in love with her- f*ck!  I love her so much and I left her on Nornheim when Thor dragged me away, and she's pregnant with my kid!"  The silence that followed could have been sliced down the middle with a samurai sword.

"Okay...  WHAT THE ACTUAL F*CK?!"