Mistakes I Made | The Walking Dead

Part 8

As I walked beside Daryl, the Kingdom's gate being opened to the outside world, I took the first few steps into what was sure to be a brand new chapter in my life.. and maybe the last.

I still didn't have an exact plan, but I knew there was a chance that I could use whatever Negan saw in me to my advantage. Negan didn't kill me, he never even purposefully hurt me when I was at the Sanctuary, so if for some reason we need to get someone into the building or, god forbid, I have to step in like last time.. I'm going to, regardless of the possible outcomes. The only reason this plan worries me though, is because if I was on thin ice before I left, there's no way I'm going to get off easy now.

***

"I'm sorry about last night." I said lowly, watching Daryl as he pulled an arrow out of a walkers head.

"Don't be." He murmured, wiping the arrow off on his pant leg before loading it again.

I nodded lightly, biting at my bottom lip as we continued through the forest. I had so much on my mind that I didn't know how to talk about, but knowing now that we were only miles from the Hilltop, I knew I had to bring it up sooner rather than later.

"What if this whole thing doesn't work-" I questioned as he looked back, immediately cutting me off.

"It's gonna."

I stopped in my tracks, frustrated, "At least for a second can you come back down to reality?" I asked sarcastically as he turned around, "Going after Negan and the Saviors isn't a guaranteed win and it won't be no matter how many others we can get."

"We ain't need guaranteed-"

"Then what if what happened last time happens again?" I questioned, cutting him off, "What if-"

Daryl's lips cut me off mid tangent, the familiar, long missed feeling he gave me pulsating through my body as my hands reached up to grab his face; I wanted this to last forever.

It's odd because I thought I had everything figured out-- that I was so sure of what I wanted to do, but I never knew how fast my heart could be swayed.

As our lips parted, my hands slid down his neck and to his chest where they stayed-- scared that if I moved them he'd notice how much I was shaking.

I looked up at him, our eyes locked as my breathing began to finally slow, "Ok."

***

"We really weren't expecting you both back so soon, but since your here, you think you'd mind helping me and Enid teach a class about knife throwing?" Maggie asked, picking up a plastic container filled with the sharp weapons.

A small smile pulled at the corner of my mouth before I nodded, surprised but happy that a skill I once thought I'd never really need was actually useful.

"C'mon." She smiled back, gesturing me to follow her, "So how're you doing now that you're out of there?"

I shrugged as I closed the door behind us, "The whole time I was at the Sanctuary I couldn't wait to break out, but now that I am.." I paused, looking around at the small buildings that surrounded us, "I feel like I'm just waiting for Negan to show up."

"Don't think about that, hun," Maggie shook her head, "If the Saviors show up, we're gonna be ready."

I nodded slowly as a group of Hilltoppers standing near the gate came into view, "Yeah, I hope."

***

"Double edge knifes are the best for throwing," I began as I grabbed a knife out of the bucket, "Single edge, like a kitchen knife, can be used too but they come with a higher chance of just bouncing off of your target and getting you killed." I explained to the group that stood in front of me, "There are two main ways to grip your knife; with your index finger and your thumb, about an inch from the tip-" I demonstrated before taking aim at the wooden log in front of us, quickly piercing it in the center before grabbing another knife out of the bucket, "Or by its handle, gripping lightly so it rests back on your hand." I showed before, once again, landing the knife right beside the first, "It's all personal preference so try both and pick which is most comfortable for you."

"Where did you learn all of this?" Birdie, a familiar face from the Hilltop asked as they stared like a deer in headlights.

I tugged out both knifes, handing them off to random Hilltoppers, "An old friend." I smiled lightly, the emotion feeling more forced than I wished it was, "You should try it; you'll get the hang of it quick."

***

I fell back behind the group with Maggie as we all headed back to the Hilltop, my mind returning to being a jumbled mess that refused to sort itself.

"What's on you mind?" Maggie asked, nudging me.

I shrugged, shaking my head, "Everything I guess."

She nodded slowly, placing her hands in her back pockets, "Are you and Daryl doing alright?"

I drew in my bottom lip, running it between my teeth as I asked myself the same question, "We weren't.. but now we are, I think."

"Well, that's good," Maggie nodded, "All relationships are bound to have their ups and down, but only the strongest ones come out alive-"

"I don't know if I want us to be-- alright, I mean." I cut her off, glancing up at her, "I don't- I.." I sighed, shaking my head, "After everything that happened with Negan I just- I hurt Daryl in ways that I could never forgive someone for and.. I just don't want him to feel like he has to be with me still."

"Hun, you did what you had to do to protect all of us-- no one is thinking otherwise-"

"I told Negan I'd sleep with him so that he wouldn't hurt anyone else," I cut her off, these thoughts gnawing at my conscious, "And then as the days went on, I found myself waiting for him.. he was so-" I paused, looking for the correct word, "Different-- everything about him was different."

"Different how?" Maggie inquired further, squinting at me as the sunlight shined towards her.

I sighed, shaking my head, thinking back to the feelings I experienced at the Sanctuary, causing me to go numb, "Dark?" I said, unsure as I tried sorting through the memories, "He was demanding and.. powerful-- I've never seen someone have that amount of instant control over so many people at once." I explained, referring to his stature at the Sanctuary, "But there was something about him, I just- I tried so hard to find something good in him and I thought-" I paused again, mulling over the words that waited impatiently on the tip of my tongue, "I thought I saw it so many times and then.. he would just keep killing-" I stopped as my voice cracked, not noticing just how much emotion was ready to burst out of me as I zoned back into reality.

"Hun, hey- hey, it's ok." Maggie hushed as she pulled me into an embrace.

My body trembled in her grasp as tears forced their way out; the feeling almost out of body.

Ever since I've been back, I'd never taken a second to fully grasp how traumatizing my time at the Sanctuary really was, and the feeling that was brought with it.. terrified me.

_____
A lot of fresh new dialogue in this chapter, once again getting more into Liz's mind and how she's feeling about Negan, Daryl, and this whole plan for a war

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