Mistakes I Made | The Walking Dead

Part 44

Regardless of the adrenaline pumping through your veins, being woken up from a dead sleep to hearing nothing but chaos surrounding you is the most disorienting thing.
One second I was the closest to bliss I've been in a real long time, and the next I was struggling against what I almost didn't realize was a walker. I mean... it couldn't be, right? This is a dream— I'm dreaming. I'm at Hilltop, I'm sleeping in a house surrounded by people, I'm dreaming.
Why are people screaming? Who's on top of me? Please get off. Why won't you stop? What's on top of me? Scream. Why am I not screaming?

In a moment, the struggling force against me went limp, becoming dead weight that slumped over the length of my body.

"Hey— get up, come on." The gruff voice muttered through the echoing screams, pulling me up as my confused stare bounced around the dark room, my mouth falling agape, "Ya ok? Ya bit?"

I shook my head, not actually knowing if that was the correct answer, "I- what's-"

"People are turnin'— go." Daryl quickly explained, pulling my knife from its sheath and sticking it in my hand before gesturing me out of the room I had been in.

I took a deep breath as I shoved myself back into the reality of all of this, as well as I could at least.
Rushing deeper and deeper into the house, past panicked, screaming people before plunging my knife deep into the skull of an unwelcome guest.

"Shit..." I swore, seeing not one but two familiar lifeless faces. Again, I took another deep breath, kneeling down and stopping the process from happening to another.

This didn't make sense— none of it.

"Liz, you ok?" Maggie called as she sped down the stairs, stopping halfway as both Rick and Daryl appeared around the corner.

I nodded, briefly glancing at all three of them before screams from upstairs pulled our attention, causing us to scramble in its direction.
But just before we reached the room, it stopped, and another body hit the floor.

"He wasn't bit, but he turned." Carol spoke from the open doorway, blood now covering her hands too as Tobin now laid lifeless at our feet.

***

With last nights carnage now being over, the new day brought new troubles. Henry was missing and half of the imprisoned Saviors were nowhere to be seen, and not only that, the way the Saviors weaponized our own people against us had everyone shaken.
The idea to use walker blood to infect your enemies could only come from the mind of someone who truly had the sickest of motives, and it gave me chills knowing how much time I had spent with that exact individual.

But in other news, if there was ever a bright side to any of this, it seems like Tara and I are on the same page when it comes to Dwight. We've all been on edge, almost waiting for what we all expected to be the only outcome of Tara's injury, only for it to never become a reality.
I watched from a distance as she and Daryl continued to argue over Dwight's fate, especially after what had happened, and if I was completely honest... I could see both sides of the story.

Of course, I trust Dwight now— I do. I think it's possible to steer yourself back onto the right course because I did it once myself too, and I whole heartedly believe that Dwight wants exactly what the rest of us want. But after the talk Daryl and I had, if you can even call it talking, I see exactly where he's coming from. I can blame Negan for all I want and it would be completely valid, but I'd be leaving out a major part of the story if I didn't also put blame on Dwight for some of my absolute darkest moments at the Sanctuary. Even thinking of them now makes my heart drop.

But being neutral on the subject didn't feel like an option, so I was choosing to be on Dwight's side— to continue being on his side, because I knew killing him wouldn't bring anything positive, and the last thing we needed was more negativity in our lives.

***

Although I wanted to keep going, helping wherever I was needed, Sidiq got to Maggie before I could get a chance to head out and informed her of the bruising that was forming due to the nights gun fight. And while I understand the caution, especially with how many people we lost just last night, it was frustrating.

I took a break from the low impact, menial tasks from around camp to rehydrate. I know everyone says getting rest is the number one thing you should do to speed up healing, but the thought of doing nothing and letting my mind just race... it scared me. I didn't want to be in silence where I could wonder what was going to happen next or who wouldn't make it through the next fight— I didn't want to think about who we already lost.
And then it hit me.
I remembered the note Rick handed off to me as it sat tucked away in my back pocket, now feeling like it could burn a hole straight through. There wasn't going to be a better time to read it than right now, and honestly, there's a chance that this might be one of the only times I can read it.

I let out a long breath as I stared down to the paper, my name written over the top.
Slowly, with shaking fingers, I unfolded the note.

Liz,

I know I said it before, but I feel like I should apologize again for what I said to you when my dad first brought you back to Alexandria. If I would've known you'd become one of my favorite people... I probably still would have done it. I feel like that's the brotherly thing to do.

Before the war, you said that one day Alexandria was going to be mine but it can't now, so I want it to be yours. I know that sounds cheesy, but I've seen how much you love this place and the people in it.

Also, not to pressure you or anything, but I still have my fingers crossed that you and Daryl will have little badass babies.
Right now, we kind of don't know where you are, but I know someone will get this letter to you, probably my dad. I'm hearing some people saying they saw you get shot, so they think you're dead. I also heard someone say that you decided to leave in the middle of all the chaos. But I don't think so. I don't know what to believe. Wherever you are I know you're ok and I know you'll find your way back to us and especially to Daryl. You guys always end up together.
He acts different when you're not here. He's kind of an ass when something is up with you two, so can you hurry up and get back home? I can tell he misses you, that's how I know you two are perfect for each other. Sometimes I wonder what it would've been like if my dad had found you sooner, like when all of this started. We were all so different back then, but I still think you and Daryl would've ended up together, which is saying a lot. Don't tell him I said that though.
You and him will probably lead Alexandria together one day, you know, if my dad ever decides to take a break.

Thanks for being a big sister,
Carl

P.s. Please promise to teach Judith some of those sweet knife throwing skills, she'll need a big sibling just like I did.

I let out a small laugh, tears reaching my jaw as I reminisced on a past that now seemed so perfect, even with all its flaws and hardships— a past I would do just about anything to go back to. And as much as I wanted Carl back, I knew that all we could do was honor him from this point out, even though most of what he wrote about seemed far fetched right now.

_____
Oof, I miss Carl.
The letter reminded me of how soft Daryl has always been, even in the beginning when he was constantly so filled with anger. Do you guys remember how long he searched for Sophia? And how he tried his best to comfort Carol, bringing her the flower?
Ugh love this show