Villains on My Mind

Chapter 10

His hand is on my throat.

I gulp and I'm not sure what to do. He's asleep. My back is turned to him, but I can hear his steady breathing. He had snaked his arm under mine at some point while I was asleep, and gently splayed his fingers across the base of my throat. Not constricting my breathing, just... resting there.

He must've done it unconsciously. Perhaps instinctively. I did find my back leaning against his upper body as well when I woke up. My body clearly has a mind of its own.

I carefully wiggle a little room between us, my mind inviting way too many indecent thoughts, touching his bare skin like that. A regret like a morning after drinking throbs fresh on my mind. I knew better than this. His hand is warm and heavy on my chest. The capable hand of a killer.

Suddenly, his grip tightens around my throat and I startle. Except his hold doesn't really allow me to move. At all. He could easily crush my esophagus, with next to no effort. Just like that, I would be done. Like a spider under a coffee mug.

"Calm your thoughts." He grunts, voice raw from sleep.

"You're awake." I gasp. How long has he been awake?

"I am now," He moans and yanks me to him, killing the little space I had managed to get between us. I try to push myself away from him, for my sanity, but he won't permit me to. There's no real intent behind my struggling anyway. Are you even really trying, Ana? He leans his head in, even closer to my face, and can feel his soft black hair graze the side of my cheek.

"I can teach you." Kylo Ren murmurs into my ear.

I swallow the lump in my throat. And try to will my heart to beat a more human rhythm. My eyes dart around his room. What is he doing?

"Meditation?" I ask, voice breaking. Damn it.

"Mmhm," His soft lips are touching my ear now, his hot breath on my skin tempting goosebumps. His fingers start moving on my neck, alternating between gripping and caressing. His hot breath stays in my ear, his hard stomach underneath his soft skin against my back.

What are you doing? Ana, stop it. Stop fraternizing with the enemy! Remember? Kick, scream, bite!

Instead, I do the opposite. I can feel the clenching in my gut even stronger now. The desire to get even closer, bubbling up in my chest. I wish I had more self-restraint. I guess that's why they call the devil the devil.

And so, I turn to face the villain behind me.

He slides his hand from my throat, allowing me to turn and then slowly spreads it across my lower back. He drills those dark eyes into mine like he's going to devour my soul right then and there. He's so close now. So close that I can see all the tiny moles on his pale face, so close that I can see his lips are just a little bit dry, see all the tiny hairs that make up his eyebrows. The urge is stronger than ever. I want to sink my hands into his luscious wavy hair, clench a fistful of the blackness and feel the silkiness of each strand, I want to t- 

Get a hold of yourself, Ana.

"What are you doing?" He growls and snatches my face roughly in his hands. Stony black eyes are scanning me up and down, and the heat in my cheeks turns burning hot beneath the long fingers on my skin. I look into his eyes and I see life, not emptiness and ice. I see fire, and I'm all consumed I'm gone and lord I can feel him in my veins now like a spell I can't look away does he look at the people he murders like this does he have this same fire in his eyes when he raises his flaming blade to strike down his enemies?

An alarm goes off. I snap out of it. He closes his eyes.

Wait, what? What am I doing? I knew it, I knew it was a mistake to sleep in the same bed, that much is clear to me. I had a moment of weakness, which – by the way – I am completely blaming on my lack of sleep, and here we are. This whole situation I find myself in right now, is fully self-inflicted. I would've suffered another night of bad sleep, but at least I'd have my desires for Kylo Ren more in check. Now, I have a little taste, a droplet, hardly a teaser, and I'm obsessed. I'm forgetting common sense.

Kylo Ren has a visible change of demeanor. He let's go of me, turns away and I can see the ice returning to his eyes. Cold again.

The alarm is high-pitched and unsettling. I locate the small speaker in the corner of Kylo Ren's ceiling. The air around Kylo Ren darkens, and his muscles ripple beneath his white skin as he shoots up from the bed, straight to the closet.

"What is that?" I question wide-eyed. Is the ship crashing? Are we moments away from being sucked into the ruthless space?

"It means I'm needed." He states dryly.

I slouch in the bed. Maybe Kylo Ren is bipolar.

Watch your thoughts, Ana... A dangerous murmur echoes in my head.

"Did you just- "

"Yes."

"Stop it!"

Unbothered by me being bothered, he gets dressed in a swift, methodical manner. In just a couple minutes he has transformed into the cloaked Commander of the First Order, one of the Knights of Ren. He sinks his terrifying helmet onto his head, hiding the most contradicting part of him, (one would assume a disturbed murderer wearing a disguise every time he's outside his room, is horribly disfigured and all around just atrocious looking).

I have the impulse to ask where he is going, but I feel like that's a girlfriend-y thing to ask. So, I keep my mouth shut, curiosity eating at me. Then I also realize, me sitting in his bed, watching "the man" to get dressed to "go to work" is also a pretty girlfriend-y thing to do, so I bolt up and dash to the door of his bedroom, feeling uncomfortable. 

"I'm leaving the ship. You'll stay here." He commands before I get out of the room, sounding mechanical through the head covering. A twinge of anger hits my chest, and I have to cross my arms to try and contain it.

"I am not a dog, Kylo Ren." 

"No. You are a prisoner."

I swallow. That I am indeed.

"Fine," I have to ask. "Where?

"Another galaxy."

"No advising today?"

"No."

Then he stalks out of the room, across the dining room and toward the door leading to the hallway.

"Wait!" I shout, trailing him across the dining room. "What am I supposed to do here? There's nothing to read, nothing to watch!"

"That is not my problem." He snorts, motioning his hand in front of the door and stepping out. The cooler air from the passage fleetingly strokes my face, and then I watch as Kylo Ren and his flowing cape disappear. The door locks shut after him.

Great.

He reminds me of a petulant child at times. I scoff in frustration and turn around to see if there's anything to pass the time with. My contemplation stops at his open bedroom door. Oh, I know. I'll go through your stuff.

I grin at myself. This is unwise, and I'd never be so rude to someone else, but he's annoying and who knows how long he's going to be gone. And it really is his own fault when you think about it. He insists on keeping me here instead of a jail cell and acts all bipolar, messing with my head. Also, there's literally nothing else to do. The walls are naked, no shelves, no fine art, no wall-mounted-anything. So... I might as well try and learn something about the sulking villain of the galaxy.