Villains on My Mind

Chapter 12

Kylo Ren breaks his mouth from mine, and we both breath with quick and shallow pants. He's looking into my eyes with an emotion I do not recognize. I have a churning feeling in my chest, which I do not recognize either, which I have never felt before.

He adjusts to his full height and I look down. He's standing behind the couch, behind me now. I feel guilty. Like when you flirt with someone else even though you have a boyfriend, like when you do something, and you know it's wrong, but you do it anyway, like when you're drunk and you call your ex. Like when you let a murderer kiss you.

You have done it now, Ana.

"I'll have the droids bring us food." Kylo Ren states behind me, his voice a little unsteady.

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It's night. I'm alone on the couch. Gazing out into the cosmos. I feel a connection to the other room, like an unseen line, pulling. Tormenting. I curl tighter. I can't, I just... can't. He made me feel something I've never felt before, but why does he have to be who he is? Why can't we just be two lonely people, on Earth, who happened to find each other.

His kiss taunts me, harasses me. I want more. I can still feel the ghost of his fingers trailing on my neck. I close my eyes tighter, feeling I've done something rotten. It's my fucking lonely heart, it's so fucking desperate for anything. Dying for anything at all. I want to claw it out of my chest, maybe then I won't feel this anymore, maybe then I won't feel the pull. I want to drain the blood from my veins so I'll get him out of my system, like some goddamn addict. I don't want this, it's not what was supposed to happen.

I rub my face and turn around, trying to find a good spot to drift into blissful darkness. But it never comes. My mind is alive, roaming through my life, trying to fathom why I have an interest in the antiheroes of my life, trying to get why I got to this point. What have I done to end up here? What am I supposed to do now? The hollowness inside is killing me, hot coals of it scorching in my chest, undefined, just there... burning. Burning brighter than Kylo Ren's sword.

I lift my gaze and stare at his empty bedroom door, with an agony that's undecided, unjustified and unwanted. I try to suppress it, try to control it. The throbbing loneliness and emptiness and stinging, and just the entire mess. I want him but I can't have him.

The door opens. He stands behind it, shrouded in the darkness. His eyes glimmering in the night, set on me. He steps out, takes long, graceful strides toward me and my breath catches on my throat, all I can do is stare at him back while listening to the tidal wave of my heart's thumps. Getting more and wilder, every pace he takes, every agile move he makes, my heart feels it more. It feels it all.

I try to look away, I try to drag my eyes off him but like a magnet he keeps my eyes on him, relentless. I am relentless. I am gone. And now he's standing in front of me, looking down at me with a strange look in his dark eyes. His black curls framing his face, his pastel skin vaguely glowing. His agonizing lips drawing me in like a helpless prey, like a fish to a worm. The resolution, the will, slipping away from me, gone into hiding.

"I can feel the loneliness inside you." He says in a low voice, and my breath leaves me. He extends his hand to place it on my cheek.

His hand is warm and unwillingly I tilt my head to his caress. To his offer. I close my eyes and want to only feel his hardened skin on mine. I don't want to feel anyone else on my skin anymore. Just him, just his scent. I've never felt this possessive about anyone, it scares me but like in my kitchen, my heart is too lonely to let it overrule.

"I feel it, Ana. I know." His voice is low, barely a whisper.

I open my eyes and he lowers himself in front of me, black eyes wild. My heart stutters.

"Come to sleep in my bed, Ana." His hand is stroking the hot skin above my cheekbone, his hard fingers soothing my burning loneliness, hitting the right spot, just where I ache. Blowing gently on my wound, easing it all away.

I look at him, so close now, and how am I suppose to say no? He's in front of me and I see no coldness, I see the same set of lonely eyes staring right back at me and I can feel the loneliness in his hardened heart. He stands up slowly, keeping his eyes set on mine. He offers me his hand and I look at it. I look at him. And my god, this is it. My guilt can bite the dust. Lord, I'm leaving you for the devil.

I take Kylo Ren's hand and he leads me to his black sheets.

I lay down and he lands next to me, muscles moving underneath his skin, in the pale blue glow of his room. He drags his hand around my over me, to my stomach, and pulls me to him. His strong limbs surrounding me like a snake. My back against his front again and I feel like this is where I belong, this can't be wrong. Not something that feels so right, how could it?

He slides his other arm under my head, gripping my jaw and turning it to face him, inches away from his irresistible lips, inches away from his ever darkening eyes, his hot breath. And the yearning, the urge, is everything that's inside me at this second. It prickles on my skin, swirls with live electricity. And I need him, I want him to quiet the storm inside me and I understand now, at this moment, in his dark room with his gleaming black eyes fixed on mine, he's the only one who can do it.

"I have to warn you, Ana, "Kylo Ren says with a tone that makes me gulp. "The first time I fuck you it might scare you because I am a man and I know how to do things."

I want to reply something but I find my throat dry abruptly, and then he presses his lips against mine and I surrender. I surrender my loneliness, my heart, my body, my everything. He grips me harder, pulls me closer, more desperate, aggressive. Pieces are locking into their right places within me and my guilty conscience has been put to rest by his knowing lips. It'll come throbbing back like puss from a wound in the morning, but right now he numbs it. He numbs it all and I let him. He kisses me like he needs me to fill him with something too, something other than what he has felt his entire life, and maybe, just maybe...

"You're mine, Ana." He growls into our kiss.

I whimper, as his possessive embrace tightens around me, as his mouth claims me, as he drains my mind empty.

"Say it." He demands, breaking away from the kiss, drilling into my eyes. His black ones are wild, not an abyss anymore but filled with the galaxy. He's breathing hard, and I can feel the slight tremble on his hands, as he's filled with need.

"Yes. I am yours, Kylo Ren."

...I'm in his veins too.

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Author's Note: Next chapter almost ready to go!! Thank you so much for reading <3

In the meanwhile, if you're desperate for a Kylo Ren fix, check out HBO's Girls. Adam Driver is delivering pure hotness starting from ep. 1. (His character is basically Kylo Ren irl. It's ridiculous. I lost my shit watching it.)