Villains on My Mind

Chapter 13

I take that back. NOW you have really done it, Ana.

I slept with him. And Kylo Ren was nowhere to be found. I feel conflicted. I don't exactly regret what happened, I enjoyed it and so did he... I could feel it. I've only ever had sex with Jason, so I didn't really know something was missing back then. But after Kylo Ren, I knew exactly what I had been wanting, all this time. What I had needed. Kylo Ren warned me, that he was going to do it like a man, he warned me he knows how to do things. And he was right, he did.

I feel my cheeks blush, as I think about how completely lost in him I was last night.  He used his powers at times to hold me still, rendering me unable to move, and it just excited me further (which I did not expect, apparently his thing, -- I discovered -- was my thing too.) How he liked to pin my hands behind my back, how he bit my neck and then kissed it to make the pain go away, how he commanded me like I was his to command, and how I reveled in it, how I enjoyed just letting someone else take the lead, and me just a mere follower, doing as he commands, and for the first time I got the feeling that maybe I'm not half bad in bed. I felt free.

I didn't really feel that way before, Jason never really made me excited enough to want to put in the effort. It was all just about him, I realize that now. But he was my first love and I was blinded, I didn't have anyone to compare him to, not even so much as a silly junior high boyfriend, I never got past a third date with anyone else.

I always gave guys opportunities, I was nice, listened to their boring discussions about how they wanted to get into business school, and so forth. But no one really ever truly excited me. Peeked my interest. Made me feel like I wanted to spend all night and then the next day too, just talking. And I wanted to feel something, before I had sex. I only lost my virginity at nineteen, to Jason. He was the first guy who ever peeked my interested. And eventually made me fall in love. But... It turns out, he was so charming it covered all the rot that was inside of him. And I knew relationships are up and down, as they should, but I just didn't know that it's not supposed to be down that much. And that sex could be this good...

But Kylo Ren is so much worse than Jason. In everything else, except... well, that. A flash of new excitement rushes through me. Kylo Ren showed me what it can be. What I want it to be like. And I feel relaxed in a way I've never felt before, the blood still rushing through my veins, invigorated, alive.

And extremely guilty, again. Goddamnit, you really just want yourself to suffer, don't you, Ana?

However, as expected, I woke up to an empty bed. Is he going to pretend like this was all me again? Suggest fucking meditation? I'm going to blow a fuse if that's how he's going to handle this. Thank god I wasn't a virgin because this would suck a whole lot more if that were the case. A small stinging hurt was there, but mostly it was anger. Frustration. This whole going back and forth thing with me, it's not going to fly anymore. I'm sick of it.

I hear heavy boots form the living room. I'm about to dart out of the bed when I realize I'm in fact, completely naked. Hastily I wrap one of his black sheets around myself like a towel, gather the rest like a skirt, and hurry on out.

"Hello, miss." The Stormtrooper standing in the dining room says, lowering a tray with food onto the table.

Disappointment turns the knife.

"Commander Ren is on another mission?" I ask, not bothering to pretend nonchalant this time.

"No miss, Commander Ren is on the command bridge. There has been an inciden- "

The door to the hallway swooshes open and Kylo Ren stalks into the room, in his full outfit. He takes his lightsaber from his belt and ignites it. Red glow filling the room and its unstable crackling slamming the breath out of me. I stagger a step back, eyes wide with terror, chest constricting in fear. What the fuck are you doing, Kylo!?

"Enough, soldier." Kylo Ren sneers in a dangerously low tone. "Leave us."

"Yes, sir." The Stormtrooper grovels, hurrying out the door. But just before he's about to walk out, Kylo Ren raises his lightsaber and blocks his way with it.

"No!" A shriek escapes my mouth, and I take a step forward, causing the sheet around me almost to drop. I hastily try and fasten it around me tighter. With trembling fingers, I try to tie a knot under my armpit.

"Don't talk to the girl anymore. She's a prisoner." Kylo Ren commands.

I can't see the Stormtroopers expression, but I'd imagine he's sweating under his helmet quite profoundly.

"Yes, Sir. Please accept my sincerest apology, Sir."

"Kylo Ren, please I'm the one who made him talk, I'm sorry!" I cry, hoping he'll spare the poor soldier. Evidently, last night didn't change anything. He was still the same sulking and angry villain as ever, and wasn't afraid to prove it to me. I can only hope he doesn't feel the need to prove it to me so badly, that he'll slay this poor man in front of me.

After a moment, heavy with anxiety, Kylo Ren shuts off his lightsaber and the Stormtrooper hurries out. The door shuts locked after him and I can feel Kylo Ren's angry glare through his head covering.

"Thank you for not killing him." I breathe as I clutch the sheet around me. I cross my hands over my breasts, trying to hide from him. All of a sudden I feel very naked, and not in the way I felt last night.

"Don't be silly, I didn't do it for you. We desperately need all the soldiers we have." He scoffs and walks toward me, menacingly enough that it wakes the fright in my core again. Even after last night, even after all the burning but tender kisses he placed on my bare skin.

Suddenly, I could feel his fingers on my throat, even though he was still at the door. My breathing, I- I can't breathe! I try to claw the skin on my neck but it doesn't ease the invisible pressure around my throat. And then my feet start easing off the ground, I'm being lifted off of it! Kylo Ren stands unmoved, and I realize he is the one doing this. My eyes start bulging out of my head and the pressure starts gathering painfully in my head, turning into vicious ringing in my ears. I'm now five feet above the ground and I'm trying to swallow any air I could get, but I'm granted no liberation for my burning lungs.

"My grandfather was weak. He died because of caring for others. I will not repeat his mistakes." Kylo Ren's modified sound travels to my ears, which I can barely hear over the throbbing roar of my heart. Black spots start materializing in my vision and I realize, I'm about to go lifeless. My lungs are on fire and feel like they're going to collapse any second.

Is this how I'm going to die? Is this how it all ends? How pathetic. A fitting end, Ana. At least the sheet around me is still hanging on, that would be even more embarrassing. To die naked on Kylo Ren's floor after letting him fuck me.

I try to talk, to beg for my life, but I'm unable to form any sounds. So instead, my pleads are on repeat in my head. Please, don't do this. Read my mind, don't kill me, please! I'm not ready yet, I'm not ready, I'm not ready!

Unexpectedly, the force around me withdraws and I start descending ungracefully on the cold hard ground. I land on my wrist and cry out it agony between coughing and gulping for air like a fish on dry land. I rub my neck and feel the scrape marks tender on my skin. My mind is a fussy mess after not getting oxygen, for what felt like an eternity.

Then I remember about the sheet. My eyes quickly dart down, relieved to see I'm still fully covered from Kylo Ren, who I realize is now stalking toward me. I shriek, which causes me to cough more and try to crawl away from the approaching fury dressed in all black, but he slams me against the ground with his powers, hindering me immobile, yet again. Coughing and desperately panting, I look as Kylo Ren hovers above me in his full height with an emotionless mask evoking thousands of emotions in me.

"There has been an incident on Earth. Your nation's fool of a leader has launched a nuclear missile, somehow effectively obliterating one of our Resurgent-class Battlecruisers."

My eyes widen. Oh, no. Oh no, no, no, no!

"Your sovereignty is dead." He states so calmly it sends chills down my naked spine. "I have initiated the preparations for an attack on New York City."