Don't Let Go

Chapter 14

I feel like everything is going in slow motion. I’m sitting on the ledge in front of the window with my knees to my chest. Zayn was sitting in a chair with his head in his hands. Louis runs into the room and looks at me first. With that one look at me he just knows. His blank worried expression drops from his face to a more panicked look and his eye looked down at Makayla’s motionless body. When I got over the initial shock after first hearing the word from the doctor I sent a very vague text telling everyone to get to the hospital as soon as possible. Louis turned around facing the wall and put his arm on the wall and his head on his arm.

We sat there for what seemed like eternity waiting for my parents and sisters to arrive. Louis is sitting on the floor, Niall is staring out the window at the gray sky, Harry took the chair next to Zayn, Zayn never left his seat or his position since we got back in the room, and I’m sitting next to Louis on the floor in the same position I was in earlier. When my parents walked in my mom started crying into my dad’s chest and Nicola and Ruth dropped to the floor holding each other and crying. The sight of all of us in the hospital room was just like a movie.

Eventually a nurse came in to cover Makayla’s face. A little later another nurse came in to ask us to leave because visiting hours were over. In the elevator I pulled out my phone to send a quick to ask the fan nicely to not to come to the hospital or the flat. When we got home everyone sat down and I went to the kitchen to make coffee for everyone.

“Makayla hates— hated when it’s too quiet. She’d say it gives your brain time to think about pointless things. That’s why she would read and do homework with music on.” Ruth said when I handed her a mug.

“Oh, um before I forget…” Nicola ran upstairs and came back down with some envelopes. “Makayla wrote them this morning. It’s like she… knew.” Nicola passed out the envelops to everyone. I opened my envelope to see a letter, a necklace, and a beanie.

Dear Liam,

Hey big bro. If you’re reading this that means I died. I’m sorry, I didn’t want to leave you guys but at the same time I did. I was tired of the medicine, the hospital, the pain, and the sickness. I just didn’t want to die without you knowing how much I love you and how much you mean to me. You’re my one and only true big brother. We were supposed to attend each other’s wedding, be there for each other when we had our own children, grow old and live next door to each other in our old age and watch the next two generations of Paynes grow up. That’s not going to happen now, for me at least. You on the other hand can still have that life with Nicola and Ruth. I know that you’re going to push Louis, Liam, Niall, Zayn, mum, dad, Nicola, Ruth, and Danielle away and I don’t want you to do that. You’re living your dream and I don’t want my death to get in the way of that. I know you miss me and I sure as hell miss you but I’m waiting for you, okay? When you’re join me up here you and I can rule heaven. I’m not going to tell you to take care of mum and dad for me because I know that you’ll use that to hide your emotions about this. Liam, I love you. Thank you for taking care of me and for being the best big brother that I’ll ever have. Mwah!

Love, Makayla (Kayla) Alyssa Payne (M.A.P)

I could feel the tears brimming my eyes. Zayn gets out and leaves out the front door. After a few minutes Louis speaks up.

“Um… I guess we’ll be leaving. We are so sorry your lost. We’ll be back in the morning.” Louis, Niall, and Harry stood up and hugged all of us before leaving.

“Nicola, Liam, this may seem silly but I don’t want to sleep alone tonight. Do you think we could do what we did when we were little?”

“Yeah we can do that. Let’s go.” I said stuffing the letter back in the envelop and joining my sisters upstairs.