A Court of Magnolias and Ash

Epilogue

Nesta:

Flesh and fire entangled with mine; dancing embers filling the pit within my chest. He was real, I reminded myself. I dug my nails into his bronze skin—never piercing him but I needed to know.

I needed the reminder that he was alive, that we survived hell and back.

We spent hours training at the House of Wind. An escape from our duties, an excuse to release the fury and sorrow that still tainted our souls. I could see the darkness weighing down on him, on his shoulders and chest—a weight he could never quite shake off.

Carnage and combat were normal for him but things were different now. Everything changed.

He didn't become soft, quite the opposite actually. I knew the moment he laughed, the hollow sound that drifted from his lips. Everyone believed him to be alright, however, they were too consumed with their own pain to notice his still lingered.

I knew when he woke up in the middle of the night with flaming fists and silent cries. I knew when he began to push me away; when I came to our room one night to find all of his things missing.

I fought Ronan, the god of death, for Cassian's soul. I would not lose him again. So, I followed him one evening—to the House of Wind. Where I watched him train into the early hours, until he collapsed with dripping crimson.

Cassian looked startled as I sent a flaming dagger at his face. I guess he wasn't expecting that I'd continue fighting for him.

Bastard.

I told him I needed to feel something too. Anything besides the constant terror that paralyzed me from dawn to dusk. Being in the same room triggered me but nothing compared to his touch. When he didn't answer right away, I lunged at him and kept doing so until he could no longer evade my attacks. We fought, sparring with one another until we were a mess of limbs on the floor. Every hit, every touch—a reminder he was real.

As we laid breathless, one of us would tug on the bond, reassuring the other we were still here. We continued this way for weeks until he finally kissed me again. I found him, I found the flame that had nearly been extinguished.

He would not go alone, I promised that curse of a cauldron.

Cassian lifted his lips from my iridescent skin. Scarlet sweat dripped from my brow; he had a similar scrape across his cheekbone. My nails dug deeper, holding him in place so he wouldn't leave me again.

"What is it?" I asked, raising my aching brow, I watched as the corner of his lips fell.

He pushed himself off, landing beside me as he wiped his burly hands along his face. Cassian inhaled deeply as I watched the rise and fall of his torso. Releasing himself from his caged hands, he gazed at me, the hole in my chest similar to the spots of darkness in his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Nesta," his lower lip fell as if to say more but unable to because of their trembling. Cassian sat up, his elbows balancing on his knees as he studied the bloodied training mats beneath us.

I hoisted myself up to my scraped elbows, giving him a piercing glare, "why are you sorry?" My eyes watered as I took in the mess of scars on his back. Burn marks with a scattering pattern of lightening red lines that trailed from his neck down to the edge of his pants. Though he still had wings, it wasn't the same. He...my mate, was no longer the same but neither was I. How could we be after all we've been through?

I had lost him, his life for mine. I could never repay him, never thank him enough for his sacrifice. The constant internal battles we both fought, I wasn't sure if we would make it out whole.