genesis | j.keery ; book 1

159 | i'm sorry

maisie was shocked, hurt and confused.
she was in a completely different country, completely different time zone to joe so it made her feel worse about the situation.

she had gotten tweets and tags on instagram of joe and his ex girlfriend out in his home town.

she didn't mind at all that he was hanging out, she knew they ended on alright terms and she knew joe was a chill, drama free person- but she couldn't help but feel her hurt sink into her ass when she caught a glimpse at the photo of him and her together.

the photo set was of him talking to her, almost like he was explaining something, then her talking back and then the one that hurt maisie like hell. what could have been an innocent friendly kiss on the cheek looked like an 'accidental' kiss on the lips.

his and her lips were so close to each others she couldn't help but overreact. how could she not? she sees photos of her boyfriend and his ex girlfriend looking all cosy in his home town whilst his girlfriend was out of town.

she could be wrong, she could be mistaken, she had been on the internet long enough to know how things like this can be twisted and edited to look worse than they already are.

however, throughout the filming of her movies and after, she felt like she had become very disconnected from the cast, her friends, family, joe.

her family understood, the cast and joe probably didn't as much just because despite all their closeness, they didn't know her like her family did.

she tends to do this, she tends to push people away without realising it.
maisie had been dealing with a lot, she wanted to keep up with her roles in acting, she wanted to keep up with her youtube and social life. she wanted to be happy and keep showing people that she was happy. but she couldn't do that, that would be lying and she wanted to be real.

she didn't want to keep shutting herself away, but she wasn't sure what to do. she knew joe better than this. she knew joe wouldn't cheat on her or even think about it, and you're probably all thinking shes such a drama queen, its nothing! but not to maisie. maisie wasn't sure if it was nothing, or if it was something.

she didn't want to jump to conclusions, but she hadn't heard from him, so what was she suppose to assume? the worst? of course.

"natty?" she said with a little whimper down the phone.

"maisie? are you okay?" nat asked with a rush of concern in her voice.

she shook her head, forgetting that she couldn't be seen. she explained what was wrong to natalia, she explained how she felt in general- about joe, about herself. she apologised for being so stand offish, and she kept beating herself up about the situation,

"if it wasn't for me always pushing the best people away from me, none of this would have happened," she sighed.

"maisie, i know joe, you know joe, he wouldn't do anything to jeopardise your relationship. he loves you, but you gotta speak to him and not beat yourself up about it, okay? i love you." natalia spoke softly to the heartaching girl.

once their call ended, she decided to dial joes number,

"hello?" he answered,

"hey," she whispered, "long time no talk."

"maisie," he sighed, "i know what this is about.."

"why, joe?" she said quietly, "i'm sorry for pushing you away, i'm sorry for being a shitty girlfriend, i'm so sorry. you deserve so much better."

"what? maisie, what are you saying," he rushed out.

"i'm not mad at you," she said,

"let me explain, please?" silence. he sighed, "i went back home and she wanted to talk, we went out for a civilised coffee and then things got heated. she started saying, things. i got annoyed, so did she. but we sorted it out. wh-what you saw-" he caught his breath, "wasn't-"

"wasn't what it looked like?" she let out a weak chuckle,

"-no, it wasn't. we made up, sorted it out; until then. she still has feelings for me and i was being friendly, shes going through a rough time-"

"and your actual girlfriend isn't?" she scoffed, feeling her tears trickle down her cheeks, "i miss you, i miss you so much. i'm sorry for not being responsive recently i really am i just can't help it, i really can't. its hard for me and no one will truly understand and i don't expect you to understand either, joe." she explained,

"let me understand then," he begged,

"its not that simple,"

"why isn't it! why can't you let me in instead of constantly shutting me out like this! i hate it, i hate it! i feel like i can't do anything to help, i feel absolutely useless and i hate it. hate it." he shouted,

"i can't do this anymore." she said abruptly.

"w-what?" he stuttered, "what do you mean?"

"i think i just need time, just give me time."

"maisie, seriously? i'm so sorry for the photos. i'm so sorry. i don't want to lose you over this, its not worth it," he begged, voice cracking.

maisie shook her head, though he couldn't see. "its not about this, i'm too fragile at the moment. too vulnerable. i've never felt like this before and its eating me alive. i can't do this, i'm sorry."

she felt as though she relied too much on joe to make her happy, she felt vulnerable under his touch and she wasn't independent. she felt like she didn't deserve his love, like his love was too good for her.

however, he felt like his love wasn't enough, that it wasn't good enough for her. that he didn't deserve her love.

"maisie, please." he begged, "i love you."

"i love you too, joe. just please give me a little time," she whispered.

"i can't do that," he said weakly, "don't make me do that."

"i'm sorry."