Really bad analogies

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1) Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the centre.

2) He was as tall as a 6'3" tree.

3) Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

4) From the attic came an unearthly howl. He whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on holidays in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00pm and not 7:30.

5) John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds that had also never met.

6) She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

7) The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

8) He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from standing on a land mine or something.

9) Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

10) She grew on him like she was a colony of E.coli and he was room temperature Canadian corn beef.

11) The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.

12) The lamp sat there, like an inanimate object.

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