Mind at Ease. (15)

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The bones in his knuckles pressed harshly against the skin that protected him. The sound of his teeth grinding became eerie and almost poison to the ears as you could hear each and every tooth like nails on a chalk board. The lack of colour in his once bright eyes sent fear into the ones that looked into them. Those eyes stained emotionless, only a hint of sadness was barley detected in those dark absorbed eyes. It was watching someone, needles pressed into their veins, body pale and lips trembling. It was watching those dark sinister eyes try to conceal the agony that pulsed through their being. It's watching the light at the end of the tunnel come closer only to watch that light burn out. They wanted help, they didn't want to die, but acceptance gets you far in life and I have to accept, - those eyes are mine.

The soreness in my shoulders began to become unbearable. Stiff neck and pulsing muscles had me knowing that I was on my last ounce of energy. It was dead silent, the aura finally soft and all sounds had been cancelled out but not without leaving me sporting a raging headache. The street light softy pressed light against the now closed and clean coffee shop. Created useless shadows against the chairs and tables. Blindly, I firmly pressed my palms flat against the counter, unable to keep myself stable with the world harshly spinning. I felt as though I wasn't going to even finish my shift- which ends in less than five minutes- well, not until the voice of my manager filled the quiet air asking if I was okay.

It took my last bit of energy to reply with a nod.

Air pressed against my back, a sharp shiver rippling through my spine. Grasping thin air, the dull ends of my nails firmly came in contact with the already scarred skin on the palms of my hands. With every muscle in my body beginning to shake and heart slamming against my heaving chest, I built the courage to cautiously twist my body around.

"Who are you talking to?" she blinked.

Her voice was deep, husky from the amount of smoke that passed her throat into her lungs. Scent strong with cheap cigarettes, hair messy on her head the red colour fading into a deep brown with patches of orange. I watched as she raised her brows clearly waiting for an answer. Lucy, she was awfully mean to me. Had me running around this small shop doing everything she could easily do while she sneaked out the back and finished another pack of those cheap cigarettes.

She also gave me some presents that would last my whole life or just some of it.

She quirked an eyebrow, surprisingly waiting for an answer that for some reason I could not provide her. The longer I gazed into her eyes, the tighter and denser the air around us felt. She was patient this time, allowing me to let the time pass us by, yet even with this new gesture, no words formed.

She let me go after a while, I never did answer her question on who I was talking to because I couldn't tell her that I was speaking to her. She wouldn't believe me, for obvious reasons. The air looming in the streets was soft, a breeze not too heavy on the chest and not to light to be forgotten. The soreness in my body soothed, allowing me to take in the dark city that seemed to be asleep but with the blinding lights, it wouldn't be a thought to cross one's mind.

Every weekend ended with a lonely stroll down an empty street that lead me to my shared dorm. Every weekend fear would crawl into my pale skin and bring paranoia to life. However, with every shadow has a sun and every weekend he would be patiently waiting at the corner of the street, an ear bud in one ear softly playing tunes to probably stop the humming.

As I slowly approached him, his eyes gazed over to mine, his plain dark eyes that strongly lacked emotions easily spotted me. It wasn't until his presence was strong as he stood before me that I noticed I was no longer heaving out even breathes. Until I felt a strong hand against my cheek as he smiled and looked me right in the eye coordinating me to take in even, deep breathes.

"I'm okay." I whisper taking a step away from his reach, head hung low in embarrassment.

"You know I hate you-"

"I'm aware." I quickly snap back.

I heard him take in a sigh which had me glimpsing up at him seeing that hand that was only a few seconds ago pressed against my cheek, move to rub his eyes as though annoyed.

"Let me finish. I hate you but it doesn't mean I want you in danger. You're Taehyung's happiness and Taehyung's mine so I'll protect you."

I stood frozen in place, no feelings eating at my detreating mind. That same mind that simple shut down in this moment, numb and still. These minds are the most feared because they can burst with held up feelings and it's dangerous. It's staring at a mirror, time lost in the broken air and morals completely gone. It's standing there, watching and waiting for those dark plain eyes to spring open, to flash emotion, to pour emotion because like a dam, it will break. You will break.

"You're overthinking again." He mumbled, hand placed on the middle of my back pushing me along to get back to the dorms before the sun peeks out.

"The opposite really." I reply.

He hummed, lowering his hand letting it fall to his side.

"You know you could always tell someone when you're sad."

I managed to look up at him, his gaze torn from me and on the path that is laid before us.

"No I can't." I speak, feeling my throat close in the attempt to break that dam.

Before he could ask why my voice broke out in the air once again.

"because the words that come out of my mouth are translated differently to those whose minds are disconnected from mine."

It was silent for the rest of the journey to the dorms. Occasionally he would ask how was work or how Taehyung was and I would always say 'ask him yourself.' However, I knew that he restricted his run ins with Taehyung.

It'd keep him sane.

Once we had reached the grounds of the school, he didn't follow passed the gates. He stood still, head lowered as though the floor was more interesting than getting to bed in order to sleep.

It had me lingering back to his visual field and thankfully for his height against mine. It was easy to catch a glimpse of his frowned features.

"Take care of him Jimin. He deserves happiness. Please." With every word his voice softened, broke and in the end, was a whisper.

"I wish I could do it-" his teeth appeared, biting down on his bottom lip trying to prevent it from quivering.

His eyes shut trying to stop those burning tears from burning his pink cheeks.

His hand found mine, pulling me closer as his head raised up slightly.

"-But I can't Jimin, I can't take care of him because he wants you. He's always wanted you."

Denseness in my chest suddenly suffocated me and his hold was the only thing I could feel. But in seconds, when a voice tore through the silence. More and more voices erupted in my mind, noises mixing at a too fast of a rate having me stumbling back, hands in my hair trying to comprehend these words, to tear them apart and correct what they're saying. It was getting too much until the deep husky voice filled my mind and put me at ease. Until those arms wrapped around my falling body and the scent that filled my air was calming.

I knew he was angry and I knew he was worried but in this moment all I cared about was Taehyung and he was here.

---

A / N

Guess who's back with a shitty chapter?

Me bitch.

Now I'm going to announce something that 98% of you will not care about but I got a tattoo, and yes, without my parents consent.

Am I rebel? Maybe. But this is my happiness.

Anyway. Enjoy this slowly because I have no idea when the next update is and from me to you-

Until next update

L.T

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