Chapter 13

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Time passes. Days. Weeks. You don't talk. Ever since that day, you have withdrawn from any prior wanted interaction with him. Distanced yourself. You don't answer him. Never. Texts, calls – he even tried emailing you. But none of it works. Noting. You try to stay away. Avoiding any possible contact.

You don't talk to Sohyun either. But that one is pretty obvious. After the fight, she has gotten nothing but worse, as if feeding on your misery. She quickly realized you don't talk anymore. At all. Or. You don't talk to him, that is. He is conflicted. Confused. Vulnerable. And she clearly takes advantage of that.

They're back together. Fool. He doesn't even know what she has done. Okay, you could have told him. But then again, he shut your mouth before you even got the chance to open it. In the end, you could say it is his fault. Still, you can't help but wonder if it could have brought along a different result if you had made yourself heard. If you had exposed her. There is still time. It's not too late.

... Or is it?

The more occupied you are, the less time you spend speculating. Therefore, seeing you alone outside school is a rarity.

You spend more and more time with Sungjin. You have gotten pretty close. More than before. You often grab a cup of coffee at a cafe or look around the small antique store just around the corner of the school. A place Jae really loved. You could say that you're taking a risk, considering the fact that he could very well show up at any time. But you don't care. You love the place at least as much as him. Maybe even more. Besides, you haven't run into him yet. Maybe, in reality, the place didn't mean as much to him as you had originally thought. Maybe he wasn't even as interested as he expressed. If you look at it this way, you're just fine with not having been at the same place at the same time yet. Still, something inside you doesn't feel quite right. Maybe you're actually wishing, deep down, for your paths to cross again someday. That he will come and stare at you with surprise written across his forehead. You know you won't be able to resist him if that was the case. You would jump straight into his arms. And that's exactly why it's easier when you see him with other people. Even Sohyun. Though it pains you to admit it.

Sungjin is a pretty good replacement. Sometimes, at certain points, he may even be a better friend than Jae. For instance, he often helps you understand your homework - something Jae occasionally made you forget about. Your grades in nearly every subject have gone up. You have gotten better at concentrating and focusing on your schoolwork. But it could have something to do with the fact that you feel the urge to distract yourself all the time. You get completely absorbed and immersed every time a new project begins.

He also often compliments you, both through subtle words of flattery as well as bold and straightforward admiring remarks. You don't think much about it, just that he's trying to cheer you up and keep your mind off of a certain person. Which other reason would there be?

Younghyun frequently tries to squeeze in and steal you. You have been close friends for a longer while, after all. And though he's Jae's best friend, he still wants to spend just as much time with you as before this chaos happened. Just because Jae is a jerk, it doesn't mean your friendship should be affected. So you do the usual stuff – just without the asshat.

Every now and then, Younghyun sneaks Dowoon along. Which you don't mind at all. They are adorable as a couple and you love their small deeds of affection and adoration. Like when Younghyun softly scolds Dowoon for being reckless with scalding coffee. Or when Dowoon laces his fingers with Younghyun without a word, just to feel him, feel his presence. Despite being overly happy for them, you can't help but feel empty inside. Maybe even... Sad. Like something's missing. But before you know it, they have made you forget about it.

When it's not lunchtime, you're mostly alone at school. In class, you're in the back by the door. You can easily come and go before everyone else. People talk about you too. Whispers fill the corners when you pass by. You don't really care. They can say what they want, you haven't done anything. Not anything but helping Jae find happiness, that is. It was his fault he messed up and lost it. Speaking of him, he is practically a mess. He doesn't look as happy as he used to. Or well. He smiles and laughs, yes. But both you and Younghyun can see how compelled it all is. Forced. Fake and dishonest. Idiotic. You don't want to look at him with Sohyun and her friends. You avoid them as much as possible. Which is all the time. It hurts and you hate it. You hate to admit it. Why does it pain you as much as it does? You shouldn't even care!

Things aren't going great. Though you pretend to be okay and relatively happy, it's a whole other story at home, away from school. When you're finally alone, the world just breaks down around you. Smile long gone from your lips. Shoulders drop. Mouth dry and eyes glossy. The only thing on your mind whatsoever, ridiculous as it is, is Jae. That prick. But that is luckily not the case today.

After Sohyun caused a scene right before your eyes, fueling you with anger, Younghyun decided to accompany you for a "nice" talk about her. You lie sprawled across your bed and talk. He is playing with your hair, while you hug a pillow, lying on your stomach and staring out into the thin air.

"Have you not even talked once during the past three weeks?" he asks.

You shake your head.

"Don't you think it's time to, then?"

You sit up from your lying position on the couch to look him straight in the eye.

"If he wants to talk, he has to come to me. He blamed ME, you know." You point at yourself.

"I know you're not the one at fault. And he had no right to say any of those things. All I'm saying is that you're not getting anywhere with this. He misses you like hell but is afraid you don't feel anything anymore. And you're upset because of the things he said, so you refuse to even look his way. He has even gotten back together with Sohyun."

"Exactly."

"What?" He cocks his head to the side, brows furrowed.

"That fool ran straight back to her. Idiot," you mumble and fall right back down, clutching the pillow again.

"Well, he doesn't know what she did. You never got the chance to tell him, you know."

Smartass.

"Because he kept vociferating about me ruining everything."

"Maybe you should tell him so he won't look as much like a fool?"

"Ha," you snort. "I couldn't care any less."

"Come on, that's a lie. You still love him, I know you do."

You don't answer. You just keep staring at the ceiling, eyes fixated on a gnarl.

Younghyun's phone buzzes. You both hear and feel his body stand up from its spot on the bed.

"Look, I have to go. But you gotta talk to him. This won't sort out itself."

"Whatever," you mumble and roll your eyes, rotating so you aren't facing him anymore. He quietly leaves with a short goodbye and you're left all alone in the house. Your parents are both out of town.

Your cat jumps onto the bed and purrs as it rubs its body against yours. You gently stroke it and it curls into a ball by your stomach.

Soft music is playing from your speakers, just audible through the heavy rain outside when you hear a loud knock on the door. You remove your heavy body from the comfortable position and lazily drag yourself downstairs to answer.

"Why is it always when I'm home alone," you mutter, annoyed with the fact that you're always forced to open. But you become completely awake when you unlock the door.

To your surprise, a drenched and puffy-eyed Jae is staring straight at you.

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