A Muslim's Romantic Journey

Chapter 45.

Yusuf’s POV

It felt like the storm was getting stronger. Javed’s appointment was the following week and the nerves for his results had me on edge. I was so afraid for him. Then there was Safia who I was finding it more and more difficult to talk to. The only thing I hated more than the distance between us was that I was getting used to it.

I left without waking Safia and letting her know I was going. I didn’t even think about it until she called me. I used the excuse saying she looked so peaceful, which she did. It was only after she told me how she didn’t like waking up to an empty house that the lack of communication between us had occurred to me. It felt like someone hit me on my chest with a brick. This wasn’t the sort of marriage I had worked for.

On top of that, mum was causing trouble again! The guests came around and naturally asked about Safia. Mum began to backbite about her, saying those same ridiculous things and I spoke up again which caused a tiny problem. Mum didn’t mention Safia again but she said she wanted ‘a word’ with me after they left.

“That was very embarrassing, the way you spoke up against me.” Mum said. I sighed and put my hands on her shoulder.

“No matter what you say or do, I shall defend Safia until I see her doing something wrong with my very own eyes. I am not going to leave her mum. What you’re doing will drive me away, not make me leave Safia. Understood?” But mum was dangerously stubborn. It dawned upon me that it was likely mum might never change. She was too set in her ways. Wanting to get away, I said salaam to everyone and left feeling quite agitated.

On my way home, I stopped by to get some painkillers because my ankle was beginning to hurt. I parked outside the pharmacy knowing that cars weren’t allowed to be parked there. But I only needed to run in and get some painkillers. When I came out of the pharmacy, I saw that someone had crashed into my car and driven off. There was a huge dent going into the driver’s side with shattered glass on the seat.

That’s when all negative emotions and thoughts began to take over. I left the car and walked for an hour to get home, all the while, thinking of everything wrong in my life. Now I wouldn’t be able to take my car to work. There was also the problem with money. Not to mention the 15 minute walk from the station to my workplace, which was sure to cause my ankle a lot of pain.

Safia would be disappointed in me. We didn’t have much and now we had even less. I remember when Javed was laughing at the car and said it would be better to not have one at all than the beaten up one I had. Well now I didn’t have one. I didn’t have the money to get it fixed or buy a new one. Thinking of Javed led me to think about his health. He looked worse again today.

When I got home, I felt like my head was going to explode and my ankle hurt so much, as if someone was sawing through it. I glanced towards Safia and saw the worry apparent on her face. I forgot to check my phone or tell her where I was. I was drowning in guilt as I rushed to the bedroom and closed the door. I sat down on the bed, unable to control myself any longer. I was a failure.

The tears fell as I sat hunched, too tired to sit straight. I was angry at myself, I was angry at my stupid throbbing ankle. I was angry at everything. I rubbed my face and ignored Safia knocking on the door. I didn’t want her to see me like this. But where else was I to go in this tiny little dump we lived in?

When I didn’t respond, Safia came in herself, holding a glass of water. She sat next to me without speaking a word. I couldn’t bear to see the look on Safia’s face so I kept my head low.

“Drink this, it might help.” With shaky hands I took the glass and put it on the bedside drawer. I wasn’t in a state where I could swallow anything. I clutched my ankle and shut my eyes in pain. Safia left and I could hear her in the kitchen, going through the drawers. She came back a while later.