Protecting our leader.

Chapter Twenty-Three.

P.O.V of Jason.

I know being taken by Deathstroke means almost certain death, but I was still relieved to hear he was kidnapped rather than he had walked off to kill himself. We were all out near the area that separated us from the public woods searching for boot prints, tire marks, anything that would serve to help us find Dick. None of us had informed Wally or Artemis yet, none of us had the heart to tell Wally that as soon as he decided he wasn't going to ignore Dick anymore he had been taken. But that job would be coming soon, the only question was who was going to have the responsibility to tell them.
"I think I've got something." Tim called, his voice still thick from his earlier tears.
We all crowded around him and looked at the leaf he had picked up, the end had a spot of blood on it, about Slade's waist height, and Dick's forearm if he was limp. I saw Damian flinch beside and a look of regret cross his face but it was quickly schooled back to neutrality.
"I'll have it cross-checked, but from the way it's rubbed keep looking along this edge for anything else." Bruce said, taking the leaf and turning it over.
Then he stalked back inside to the manor and down to the Batcave to see who's blood it was. The rest of us fanned open in the given area, but I pulled Damian over to the side.
"What aren't you telling us?" I asked.
"Nothing." He quickly answered, and most people would believe him, but I saw the twitch of his hand.
"Tell me the truth." I pushed.
"I've told you everything I know." He lied again.
"I'll call Alfred over." I threatened and I saw him pale.
Alfred was a very kind person, the best of the best, but you never wanted to lie to Alfred. It spelt certain doom.
"Fine," Damian sighed, "That's Dick's blood there, I'm certain of it. It's in line with his forearm where he's been carving himself."
"Carving himself?" I asked, releasing his arm as the blood drained from my face.
"Yes, he came to me. He wanted to know why it wasn't helping him. I cleaned them up and took him out. It's why he wasn't at school yesterday." Damian said.
"Why would he go to you?" I asked, still trying to take in the drop my joking and happy brother had taken.
"Because I used to do it." Damian hissed, "He was copying me." And he broke into tears.
My impassive brother, the one who was as strong as Bruce, was now on his knees in tears in front of me.
Everything was changing; Dick was depressed, Damian was breaking down, Tim had become unresponsive and Bruce didn't sleep for he was so sick with worry. And me, I was slowly breaking down as well. The only person holding us all together was Alfred, and even I could see that every mroning his eyes were puffed and red from crying.
"It's alright Dami." I comforted him, "We'll get him back, all of him."
"You can never get someone back from that." Damian gave a sorrowful smile, "There'll always be a part of him like this now."
I didn't want to listen to him, didn't want to believe what he said was true, but he was speaking from an experance that none of us knew about. And Dick had already been through so much already, maybe we might never get him back. But we could sure as hell try.

P.O.V of Tim.

I had to believe that the blood wasn't Dick's, though the amount found was barely a flesh wound, it would still mean he was injured. I saw Jay pull Damian over to talk but went back on the search, but the next moment I looked over Damian was sobbing at Jay's feet. Damian, even Damian was showing distraught. I was the only one who had noticed, and Jay looked like he was going to fall apart himself. But I was already completely in pieces, so I shouldn't be able to come apart anymore.
"He's okay." I whispered as I came over, "We'll find him and we can all go back to being okay again."
"No we won't." Jay growled, "He was fucking cutting himself Tim. He sat there and ran a blade across his arm because he thought he was nothing. He thought he was useless. He thought we didn't love him." And now he was crying, his voice cracked.
I didn't want to believe him, Dick couldn't. But he was depressed, the leaf was in line, all factors were backing up his point. And so we all kneeled on the floor, our arms around each other, as we cried for our brother.
I didn't really notice as Alfred ushered us inside, leaving Kaldur, Conner and Megan to keep searching, sat us all on the sofa, called up Bruce and we all became a Wayne pile of hugs. The sun had finished rising by the time we had all pulled apart, my eyes still swimming.
"You need to get ready for school."
I looked over to Alfred and saw that he didn't want to send us off as much as we wanted to go. I nodded and shuffled to my room, changing into my uniform and heading back into the kitchen where I poured myself a large thermos of coffee, grabbed a piece of toast and than headed to the car. I ate the toast as Alfred drove Jay and I to school.
The ride was awkward in our silence and even when we arrived we didn't split off into our normal groups, instead staying by ourselves against the wall, something Dick would do since Barbara had left. The bell for first class rang and I headed to Computer Science. The chair next to me was empty all lesson, the space where Dick usually say and joked around with me. God, I had taken his fun for granted, I should had held on to every moment I had with him, because now there was no chance of ever getting him back again, alive or dead.

P.O.V of Dick

Slade had left me alone for the rest of the night and I managed to catch about an hour of rest. The plate which had once held a chicken leg lay by the door, licked clean. I wasn't that hungry yet, but I know that I won't be getting fed often and to take what I have when I have it.  The sun hadn't even began to rise but I could already hear footsteps outside my door, the lock turn and it opened for Slade. He still wasn't in gear but he had brought with him a selection of pistols that would make Jay envious.
Jay. The last time I had seen him I had just stared at nothing whilst he talked to me. The last words I had said to him must have been sorry, because that's all I seem to say.
"Target practice today." Slade said as the door closed behind him and a man which a bit had thrown in, "Target number one."
I looked at the pistol he was holding out to me in horror, he wanted me to kill a man. I know this wouldn't be the first life I would take, and I know the feeling that came with it was intoxicating, but that didn't mean it was right. And I promised myself I would only do what is right, for Bruce, for the team, for my brothers and for myself.
"I'm not killing anyone." I said, turning my back on him.
A stupid move, but one that would make me seem more confident than I actually am. And I would like to say it worked because he sent a warning shot to the left of my head, the bullet embedding itself in the wall a good few inches, so they were either great bullets or it was a weak wall. I slowly turned back around, still trying to bring more confidence to myself.
"You may not think you're killing anyone, but we both know you can and that you will because it will be a much kinder death then having him starve, dehydrate and, when he's on the brink of death, have him mauled by the Lions at the circus which I'll than release on Gotham. I'm sure I heard Haly's circus was coming in next week for a month." Slade crowed and, if I was a dog, my hackles would be rising to the heavens.
This time when he handed me the gun I took it, albeit forcefully, and turned to face the frightened man, his sweat was sticking his suit to his body and when I looked at his face my breath caught. This wasn't just a random man from the street, it was Robert Zuch, one of Bruce's fellow business men and one of the one's that he was close with. I looked at Slade who had a slight tilt to his lips, he knows exactly what he's doing. And god do I hate him for it.
"What if I shot you instead?" I ask, buy time, think of a plan.
"You can't," He turns to me as if he's about to give me a lecture, "These bots move faster then the time it will take you to pull that trigger, they will make a formation around me and then waterboard this poor guy right here whilst I get the pleasure of seeing how long you can withstand a little formula of my own making."
He really didn't leave anything to chance, and he also left me the only person to end this mans life without causing him extreme pain, if I could shoot him without missing. But of course I know how to do that, I had need many forms of entertainment when I was with the Owls. When I had killed innocents not caring if they were male or female, old or young, deserving or not. And the joy that I had felt went far enough to match what I felt on the trapeze, so maybe this was what I was meant for. Killing people, or maybe I wasn't made for anything. Maybe I'm no-one.
I looked down at the gun, one bullet could end the pain of a lifetime, one bullet and you'd never have to feel again, never have to pretend again. You could just, end. I wonder what it would feel like, to just end. Would I not feel empty? Would I be free? I removed the safety, the world seeming to come into perfect clarity, slowing and quietening so I could hear a penny drop. Slowly, excruitenly slowly I raised it to my head. I drew in a breath, Slade's voice shouting something from underwater, and pulled the trigger.