Loving Lucifer [COMPLETE]

Chapter 6

"I can't wait to see you again tonight..." he said, pressing another kiss to my lips.

"Hmm...me neither," I mumbled.

"But you're distracted..." he said, his bright eyes looking into mine. He placed his fingers beneath my chin and lifted it so I could not escape his gaze. "I can tell something is bothering you, beautiful Catherine."

I sighed.

"Matthew is your friend," he said, "And he will understand...you just have to explain to him that you know what's best, and that I'm not out to get you." He smiled at me and it gave me courage. I nodded.

"Go," he said, "I'll see you tonight. And call me if you need anything."

"Okay." I gave him one last swift kiss and got out of his car. The cold bit against my cheeks, but what made me shiver was the thought of facing Matt. I had never once cared about what people might think of me; not in all my years of existence. In fact, I was often quite stubborn when it came to getting my way. But after what had happened earlier that year, Matt's reaction was something that mattered. I couldn't have him spiralling downward the way he had after Jason.

I braced myself and made my way up the stairs to our apartment.

Radio silence.

"Good morning to you too..." I wanted to bite my tongue off. Sarcasm would not make things better. But that was the only way I knew to face him.

No response. And then he sighed.

"So will you be staying with us for one night or are you here for a longer stay?" he asked, his tongue as sharp as his 2B pencil. He scribbled away at his sums and went on to type something on his laptop.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, sorry," he said, never looking up to meet my eyes, "I was under the impression that this had become a hotel."

"Matt...it was one night."

"It was the first date!" he shouted, raising his voice at me as well as his eyes. Their deep chocolate brown was stricken with grief and disappointment. "I thought you'd know better this time!"

"You're not my keeper, Matthew!" I said, raising my own voice in reply.

"No, I'm your best friend. You know you're like a sister to me!" He stood up before rapidly sitting back down, "I was up all night worrying about you. I couldn't sleep. I kept picturing things..."

"You know I'm all grown up, right? Can't you just trust me for once?" I stamped my foot like an angry five-year-old. "Nothing happened. We didn't even sleep in the same room. He offered me the spare room."

"Why? So he can make you trust him before trapping you?"

"He's a nice guy, Matt."

"He was supposed to be the nicest guy you'd ever met."

"Well, I misjudged him...so did you...you liked Jason. But Luke is different; he's a gentleman – he's nice."

"I don't know if there are any nice guys anymore," he said, shaking his head, "After him..."

"You can say his name..."

"I don't want to. I know you can handle it, but I can't." He sat back down looking defeated and threw his head in his hands. I sighed and made my way over to him, sitting down beside him and rubbing his back.

"You are a good guy...you're the reason I can trust anyone, you know."

"It's not the same..." he said, shaking his head, "We're friends."

"You'd be good to anyone."

"I wouldn't know." He shrugged. Matt had never been in a relationship with anyone. Back in high school, neither one of us had been incredibly popular and we hadn't been too interested in dating either. We both just wanted to get into a good college. And since we'd arrived, Matt hadn't even asked anybody out.

"Only because you don't want to."

"Who said I didn't want to?"

"Well, do you?"

"Of course I do..."

"Then get out there."

"I can't."

I looked at him, waiting for more and feeling confused.

"The person I want is with already with someone."

For a second my heart stopped. Deep within my soul I knew it couldn't be me; could it? Matt and I were like siblings - growing up together meant we'd gone through all our awkward stages together. He was there when I got my first period, and I was there throughout all the stages of his voice. I'd popped his pimples and he'd combed out the tangles from my hair countless times. Matt and I had been brother and sister more than Danny and I had been growing up. He couldn't want me. It would ruin everything.

His eyes turned to look into mine. They were deep with untold emotions that would soon come tumbling forth. Framed by his thick mass of curls, they glimmered with unshed tears that would remain as such, because Matt had only cried one time - on the day of his father's death. And then he had grown up, his only moments of being a child stolen snippets spent running around the yard and flinging mud and snow at me and having some flung back; stolen moments in the very backyard for which he'd suddenly found himself responsible. 

And now here we were, at the edge of a cliff, and I didn't know whether he was about to jump off or throw himself at me.

Don't say it...don't say it...don't say it. I pleaded with him, not speaking a word.

His eyebrows suddenly furrowed and his eyes widened with the realisation of what I must be thinking. He shook his head at me, slowly and silently, making me relax; making my anxiety melt away.

But nothing could have prepared me for what he was about to say next.

"I'm in love with Sam."