Loving Lucifer [COMPLETE]

Chapter 8

"Hot cocoa, right?"

"Mhm," I said. I shifted awkwardly on the couch, unsure of what to do with my hands. I had insisted on driving myself over in my newly-inherited Archie, not sure whether I would still be dating him after our conversation was over. My stomach had been in knots since Christmas morning when he'd sent me that message.

"How were the holidays with your family?"

"They were fine," I said.

"How is your niece?"

"As incredible as ever. I really miss her when I'm not there."

"I wouldn't know what it's like to have a niece...but I know how fascinating it is to watch the younger generation, and how concerned you can be about them."

"How was your Christmas?" I asked.

"Just like any other day...I guess...celebrating holidays just got old for me after a while."

He mixed the cocoa in with the hot milk and brought two steaming mugs and a plate of biscuits to the coffee table.

"Is Matthew fine?" he asked, after I didn't respond.

"He is," I said, "He's getting back later today."

"I thought the two of you would have driven back together."

"No; he has his own car. And I've got Archie now."

He sat down beside me and I lifted my mug.

"Oh...right." He paused. "I saw Samantha a couple of days ago."

"What? Sam was supposed to be travelling with Todd after New Year's..."

"She didn't look too peachy, to tell you the truth. Maybe you should give her a call." He paused. "I didn't want to be creepy and go up to her to see if she was feeling alright."

"Of course...I understand."

Silence shrouded us. I was not certain as to what it was I should say, but I knew that the time to talk had finally come.

I could feel the sweat on my hands, the mug slipping slightly between my fingers. I clutched it like there was no tomorrow. And then I chided myself.

Why was I doing this? Why was I making myself a nervous wreck over what he would or wouldn't say? No. Matt was right - I was acting the way I had acted with Jason; I was conditioning myself to whatever Luke's whims were and it was not good. I couldn't go back to that. I refused to.

But no matter how hard I tried to pep talk myself out of the butterflies in the pit of my stomach, my brain wouldn't stop whirring; what was so important it had to wait?

His eyes met mine, their silver different from the shade I was used to. Lines of anxiety were etched across his irises, and I could tell that he was clenching his jaw and grinding his teeth.

"I'm so nervous," he suddenly said, letting out a breath.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because I know there's a fair chance you might run for the hills."

"And why would I do that?" I asked, my heart beating erratically inside my chest at his suggestion that what he had to say was so horrible he'd never see me again.

"Because you might think I'm a lunatic."

"Try me," I replied, feigning confidence in spite of the heart stuck in my throat.

He breathed in deeply and set down his mug. I copied him, immediately regretting it and finding my hands in desperate need of an object to fumble with.

"I would like to start by telling you that I have fallen in love with you, and that I am not saying this to make you stay - only because it might be the last chance for me to share my emotions with you."

I didn't reply. Deep down I knew that I felt what he felt; that I was beginning to fall in love, but there was no way I would say it out loud and make myself vulnerable to him before he spat out whatever it was he wanted to say.

"I want to start with my age. When I said I was twenty-six...it was a bit of a stretch."

I raised my eyebrows at him. Was he a forty-year-old in disguise or a very mature looking nineteen-year-old?

"Well, I am... but only because I was frozen at this age... I'm thousands of years old, Catherine. I've seen empires rise and fall, and civilisations getting torn apart and regenerating themselves. I've seen Rome and colonialism and all the world wars, and the civil wars, and the revolutions..."

"Are you going to start with the vampire bullshit?" I asked, "Those kinds of things don't do it for me."

"No, Kate... I'm telling you the truth..." he paused.

"Thousands of years old?! Who the fuck is thousands of years old?"

"Kate, I..." He reached out to touch my arm but I instinctively bounced back. His silvery blue eyes were wounded, but there was no anger in their depths. "I'm sorry if I've frightened you."

"I'm not afraid; of you or of anybody else...I just find it hard to trust people and you're spewing lies and fantasies. I don't know what to think right now. I honestly thought I could trust you, but I guess I was just stupid and naïve."

"Catherine, I'm not lying...I promise..." he said.

His eyes gazed deeply into mine, and as much as I didn't want to believe him...as much as I wanted to leave and proclaim him a liar, my gut told me that Lucién was telling the truth. I inched back closer to him, to where I had originally been sitting and took a sip of my hot cocoa. He swung his jaw from side to side as if chewing on the words he was about to say.

"You can spit it out," I said, "I haven't run yet."

"I was born under the brightest star that has ever shone to this day...I was born gentle, beautiful and kind...I was born with a soothing and honest voice...I was not born to do what I did...I was not born to wage war...I was born to sing and to praise...and I was named Lucifer."