Mithzan don't leave

Please read... Ik... these are annoying but please.

Ok... look. I am sorry I haven't updated. I have planned to. But I have a slight problem. I am having a lot of breakdowns. As some of you may have read, I lost my cousin last summer. I haven't been able to stop and calm down. I haven't been able to rant. No one is asking if I am okay! No cares! I was just a cousin. But she was one of my closest family members. As I am typing this, I am crying. My friends joke about death. They say they are going to kill themselves, jokingly. My cousin drowned! I haven't seen hers or my grandfather's grave (he died last January) At school I walk around like I am okay. I am no one. I am nothing compared to her. She was beautiful. She was everything. She was a fucking queen! She had talent! She could have changed the fucking universe... the most I can do is write a stupid story and happen to get it read by a youtuber. I shouldn't expect strangers to care!!! I am alone right now! I have myself! I shouldn't fucking expect the world to stop cause of a death. But I do! She was too young!!!! I was raised to believe that God has a fucking plan! If God had a fucking plan, why the hell is my Mom in jail? Why is my life falling apart?!? Why are my cousin, grandfather, and great-uncle dead? Why did my other uncle die? Why are people looking at me and seeing right past my brokenness and just seeing a fake smile or laugh? Why can't life be fair? I am sorry that I need to type this. I am sorry if I offended your religion. I am sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I will update soon. I just needed someone to know that I am worthless broken trash. I can't deal sometimes. I have had several breakdowns. I am sorry for not updating. All my loyal readers have helped with comments. It would mean a lot to me if all of you lived long happy lives. But for now. I need to focus on the stories that are helping my depression. Like my Riverdale and Supernatural stories. Thank you. I will update when I can.