All I Want for Christmas is You

I Love You

It broke my heart to feel Hoseok trembling in my arms. I laid him in his bed and pulled his blankets over him, hoping that it would at least calm his shaking down a little bit. I sat down on the edge of his bed and stared at the floor. I had lost a great friend. Tracy had lost her lifelong best friend. And Hoseok... Hoseok had lost his whole world. I did my best to be strong for everyone else, but none of them knew how much it really affected me. No one had any idea...

*Flashback*

I shook my head when I realized that I had been staring at Liz for what was probably the millionth time. It was driving me crazy. I mean, it wasn't that she was unpleasant to look at. She was rather beautiful as a matter of fact. It was the fact that I couldn't seem to stop looking at her that was driving me nuts. I wanted to tell her how I felt. I'd never felt like this about a girl before. There was just something about her that made my heart flutter. To my chagrin, however, I wasn't the only one whose heart fluttered at the sight of Liz. As I watched Liz and Hoseok together, I couldn't help but feel slightly jealous. I knew that Hoseok thought he was hiding it, but it was painfully obvious to everyone. The starry look in his eyes whenever he saw her said it all. And even though she didn't realize it, I could tell that the feeling was mutual. This is what my life had been for months now: torn between my own love for Liz and her and Hoseok's happiness. I had been tearing myself apart trying to decide what I should do. My thoughts were interrupted by Liz saying my name.

"Hey, Jin, what do you call it when a tree gets into trouble?" I grinned at her.

"What's that Lizzie?" I mentally froze as I saw Hoseok's eyes widen a little. Lizzie was his special nickname for her, and no one else, not even Tracy, used it. I hadn't meant to say it; it just slipped out. However, no one else seemed to notice, and thankfully Liz was too involved in her joke to pay attention.

"A sticky situation!" She busted out laughing, and her hilarious joke washed away any thoughts of my mistake moments before. As everyone groaned, I held up my pop can.

"Hey Lizzie, did you hear about the can crusher that quit his job?" I mentally froze once again, noticing Hoseok's eyes grow even wider. I can't believe I just did it again. What's wrong with me? This time, I thought I saw Tracy's eyes widen a little bit too. Although, to be honest, Tracy is a very smart fangirl, and I was pretty sure she had figured everything out already. To my immense relief, no one else seemed to have noticed.

"No, what happened?" Liz replied, her eyes crinkled from laughter.

"It was soda pressing!" I replied, laughing and forgetting my problems once again as everyone emitted another unanimous groan.

"Jin-hyung, you used that one last week," Namjoon said. I was rolling on the floor laughing with Liz at this point.

"That... doesn't... doesn't make it any... less funny," Liz gasped in between giggles. Ten minutes and many a great joke later, we had finally calmed down. I looked over to Liz to tell her something, but my heart dropped at what I saw. Liz and Hoseok were looking at each other. Neither one said anything, but I knew that they could understand one another perfectly. My heart ached when I saw the lovesick look in Hoseok's eyes as he stared at her. She was completely oblivious to his stare, too occupied with whatever Tracy and Taehyung were doing to notice. But I noticed. Just like I noticed every time they were together. I knew that Liz would never love me the way she unknowingly loved Hoseok. I knew what I had to do. However, I was unwilling to comply. I felt a strange sort of coldness come over me. I didn't care if I was selfish. I didn't want her to be with Hoseok; I wanted her to be mine.

I loved her too much to give her up.

~*~

My heart was racing. When Taehyung had asked me to talk to Liz to make sure she was doing okay, I had leaped at the chance. Not only would I be able to help out with whatever had been bothering her as of late, I would finally have the opportunity to tell Liz how I felt. However, I was still hesitant. I knew that she needed to be with Hoseok, not me. But I didn't care, no matter how selfish it was. I walked into the practice room and crouched down in front of where she was doing the splits.