All I Want for Christmas is You

Paper Hearts

I'd barely been able to sleep for a week. I knew I wasn't the only one though. I don't think any of us were able to sleep. If we did, it was usually because we crashed from pure exhaustion. Jin-hyung and Taehyung made sure that Hoseok-hyung and Tracy at least got some actual sleep, as they were the ones being hit the hardest. We tried to be strong for each other, and especially for Hoseok and Tracy, but we were all hurting terribly. As for me, seeing my hyungs in pain hurt me more than my own pain. It ripped at my heart to see all of them feeling the way they were. It only made it worse every time I remembered that I had helped to cause all of it. I stared emptily out the window, willing the tears that quivered in the corners of my eyes not to fall. I heard a door open, and a moment later Hoseok came from the direction of his room. I watched as Jin came out from the kitchen to greet him. I could see the pained, exhausted expression on his face, but he forced himself to smile for Hoseok.

"I made some chicken for lunch. It's in the kitchen if you want some." Hoseok barely nodded as he walked back towards his room. Jin watched him leave with a sigh, and the moment Hoseok was out of sight, his smile vanished, replaced once more by the grief that we had all been wearing for the past couple weeks. Hoseok had become a different person. Something in him cracked the night of the performance. He barely spoke. He barely ate. He only interacted with us if it was absolutely necessary. To everyone's shock, he only even visited Liz once since the concert, and that was right after the performance. However, as uncharacteristic as all of these things were of him, there was one thing that stood above all the rest. He never smiled. Before the concert, he smiled at least a few times when he visited Liz in the hospital. But since he had broken down at the concert, none of us had seen him smile once. And if he didn't even do it in front of us, I couldn't believe that he would do it by himself. All he did was go to the studio to practice dance and eat and sleep very reluctantly when Jin told him to. As I suspected, he walked back from his room a minute later, dressed to go to the studio. Yoongi came out right after him.

"Hoseok, I'm going to visit Liz this morning before I go to the studio, if you'd like to come," he said quietly. Hoseok whipped around.

"Why would I want to see her? What's the point? She's already gone Yoongi! Don't you get it?" he yelled. Everyone stood in silent shock for a moment as Hoseok took deep breaths, obviously trying not to cry. I had seen him mad before, but I never remembered seeing him quite that mad. None of us had seen him show that much emotion since the concert. When he regained his composure, he turned his once-again emotionless gaze to Yoongi. "I'll be waiting to head to the studio. Come down whenever you're ready." He walked out the door, and Yoongi shook his head with a sigh before following a minute later. After the pair left, I heard Jin cough, and I turned my gaze to him to find tears streaming down his face. He quickly walked back to the kitchen, leaving me alone once again. I was so overwhelmed with emotion that I couldn't think straight. This is all my fault. I felt my chest start to heave. No, not here. I quickly stood up, threw on a coat and a pair of shoes, and rushed out the door. I walked down the stairs as quickly as I could. As I walked out the door of the building, I felt the tears start to fall. I quickly set my gaze on the bench that sat across from the tree and ran blindly towards it as tears started to blur my vision. I sat down, panting for breath as I did everything I could to stop the tears from coming. Despite my efforts, however, I felt a lump forming in my throat. I knew I couldn't fight it. Suddenly, someone touched my shoulder and I nearly jumped out of my skin. I looked up, surprised to find Katherine standing in front of me. I quickly wiped away my tears. Come on Jungkook, you're a man. You shouldn't be crying, especially not in front of a girl. She slowly sat down next to me.

"Jungkook... what's wrong?" As terrifying as she had been to me at first, Katherine had proven to be an incredible friend to everyone throughout the past couple weeks. I felt terrible that she had finally gotten a chance to meet us and got caught in the middle of such a mess, but she didn't seem bothered by it. I mean sure, she was devastated like the rest of us, but I think she hid it the best. It wasn't that she didn't want to show that she was sad, but rather, it seemed that she had made it her personal mission to be happy for the rest of us when we had no joy left to feel. She had some new antic or story or something to tell us every day to try to make us smile. On better days, a few of us even laughed a little. She did everything she could to try to make us just a little less sad. Honestly, I don't know what we would have done without her there. Even though she hardly knew us, she gave her all to help us. Although she had been rather intimidating at first, I had learned that she was quite the opposite. A little too eager at times, but not intimidating. She was sweet, kind, and loyal, and I knew I could trust her. And between you and me, when she wasn't chasing me around the dorms, she was actually kinda cute. But as I sat there on the bench, I couldn't tell even her what I was feeling.