All I Want for Christmas is You

Only Then

I had never been in so much pain and yet felt so numb at the same time. Tears were steadily flowing down my face, but I couldn't move a muscle. I didn't want to move. I wanted to merely dissolve into nothingness and cease to exist, just so I could stop feeling the horrible pain and numbness. I had never felt more lost.

Angie, did it have to be this way?

I never even got to say goodbye.

I vaguely recognized the feeling of Taehyung grabbing my hand. I squeezed his hand back. I squeezed it as hard as I could. I didn't know if I was hurting him. I didn't know if it was hurting me. I just kept squeezing it as hard as I could, forcing myself to hang on, forcing myself not to break down. I forced myself to take a deep breath. I knew I had to do it. I had been sitting there trying to work up the courage for almost a half an hour. Just sitting. Trying to wish away the pain, the hurt, the accident, everything. Trying to wish things back to the way they were. But I knew it would do me no good. I knew that the time had to come. It was a time that I had hoped wouldn't come for a long, long, long time. Yet here it stood before me. I slowly stood up and braced myself.

It's time to say goodbye.

The moment I stood up, V was immediately at my side. However, I let go of his hand and gently pushed him away. I had to do this alone. This was between me and Elizabeth. Fred and Angie. It was between me and my lifelong best friend. Step by step, I slowly made my way over to the side of her bed. When I finally reached it, I took a moment to look at her. She looked like Liz. The Liz I'd always known. The Liz who, just a mere couple weeks before, had been throwing pillows and mistletoe at me while giggling maniacally. The Liz who used to pretend to be a horse with me and galloped around on all fours when we were kids. The Liz who I'd known for practically as long as I could remember. And now, the Liz who I was saying goodbye to. Her face looked so peaceful. It almost even looked like she was smiling, just a tiny bit. With a heart as heavy as lead, I opened my mouth to speak.

"Elizabeth, I-I-"

*Flashback*

My fangirl instincts weren't tingling. Oh no. The tingling was long gone. They were screaming bloody murder. There was so much going on that I was fearful that I might quite literally explode into a fiery inferno. However, that would have caused quite a ruckus, so I forced myself to hold it in and carefully observe what was going on. What was going on you ask? Well, it was something along the lines of Jin flirting with Liz, J-Hope being utterly smitten with her, and Liz being absolutely 102% oblivious to all of it all at the same time. You can clearly see why I was on such fangirl overload. I wanted to smack all of them and hug all of them at the same time. It was a classic love triangle. The only dilemma was figuring out who to ship her with. Hmm, what would the ship names be... Lope? Lin? I couldn't help but chuckle at my thoughts. Yeah, I'll need to work on that. I decided that the best route to go was to observe Liz and see who she seemed to be inclined to. I continued to watch her for a while as we ate our meal, but to my disgruntlement, I couldn't make heads or tails of her feelings. As a matter of fact, the only inclination whatsoever that I had been able to gather from all of our times with the boys so far was that she seemed most comfortable around Namjoon and maybe had the teeniest crush on him. As for the comfortableness, it's probably due largely in part to the fact that he's the only one who speaks English. And as for the tiny crush, I couldn't blame her. He's an amazing person who's incredibly, unbelievably kind and sweet. Not to mention breathtakingly handsome. Although, in my opinion, V is still the best looking of all... My spying and daydreaming were both interrupted when I felt someone nudge me. I turned to my right to see V grinning at me and motioning for me to lean in so he could whisper something to me. Forcing my heart not to melt, I complied.