Love Has No Labels (BWWM) ✔

Chapter 8: Let Me Love You

May 1981

A month passed since Austin had spent the night at Angie's apartment. Unfortunately, her mother found out about her relationship with Austin, and didn't take it well. Thus, Angie had avoided him for this long. She hated doing this to him and herself. She went through bad days without him. Even on her worst days, Austin would put a smile on her face, because of his spirit and sense of humor. She was literally depriving herself.

Angie didn't think Austin was doing well without her too. After everything they've been through, it just wasn't right that she's been doing this to him and herself. Angie knew that she loved him. So much that she even wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. Even Angie avoided answering the phone because she knew Austin would be calling her every chance he would get. She was depriving him. Angie knew that Austin would be angry with her for doing this to him. But this was best for both of them. They couldn't coexist with all the hateful, prejudiced people in their lives. Angie was sad that her own mother was that person, still bitter and angry over a tragedy that had happened almost thirteen years ago. Angie was so angry that she was so rude and nasty towards Austin that day. It was like he had something to do with her father's death

Avoiding Austin meant that every day when she went home, she would take the subway home armed with not just mace, but with a pocket knife as well, just in case a hooligan tries to run up on her. Everytime she would step inside the train, she couldn't wait to get to her stop and escape the subway in its seedy glory.

Angie sighed as she went down the stairs for the next uptown 6 train. She rummaged through her purse for a subway token, in order to go through the turnstiles. As soon as she found a token, she felt a heavy hand grab her arm, making Angie whirl around. Lo and behold, it was Austin towering over her, a scowl plastered on his handsome face. Angie thought she would never see Austin upset with her. She'd seen him pissed off before, and it wasn't pretty. At this point, Angie was afraid.

"Austin," Angie choked out, scared out of her mind.

"Angie, what's going on with you?" Austin asked, exasperated. "What the hell's your deal?"

"What are you talking about?" Angie countered, acting like a deer caught in headlights.

"Don't do that, Angie," Austin warned. "Don't act like you don't know."

"Austin, I don't have time for this, excuse me," Angie retorted as she walked away towards the turnstiles.

"Oh, don't you walk away from me, girl," Austin snapped, yanking her back to him. Angie could have sworn that Austin sounded like a black man right now. No, it's his New York accent.

"Hey, what do you think you're doing?" Angie hissed. "You're making a scene!"

"Well, I don't give a damn who sees me!" Austin suddenly shouts, making Angie flinch. "I need to know why the hell you're doing this!"

"Doing what?!" Angie shouted back.

"Avoiding me!" Austin crowed. "And everytime I try to call you, you don't even bother to pick up!"

Angie looked down on the ground, her lips curling, like a guilty middle schooler.

"Mm-hmm, now you know," Austin said, nodding his head, with a chilly tone in his voice. "I don't get it, Angie! I just don't get it! Ever since your mom came to the door after I spent the night because you were too scared to be alone after that sicko tried to take advantage of you, most importantly, I almost died saving you, you're avoiding me like I'm the fucking plague!"

Angie couldn't say anything about that. She just stood there dumbfounded.

"After everything we've been through, you're gonna run away from me? I thought we had something going good between us," Austin said.

"Can't you give me a break, Austin?" Angie snapped, as the graffiti covered trains roared by. "What do you see in me, anyway? I'm like any other black girl on the street!"

Austin looked at Angie as if he couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"You really want to know what I see in you, Angela?" Austin spoke up. Angie's breath hitched at the fact that Austin's using her full name for the first time. "I see a woman, a beautiful, smart, caring woman, with a fine sense of humor and with a good soul. That's what set you apart from all other women, not just black women, that I have crossed paths with in my lifetime," he said.

Tears threatened to form in Angie's eyes at his words.

"I also see a woman who's been hurt so many times, that she's afraid to be close to the source," Austin continued.

"Well, I'll have you know, Austin, that I am a grown woman, I'm not afraid of anything," Angie retorted with bravado.

"Oh? So then why do you keep pushing me away?" Austin asked coldly. "Why can't you let me love you?"

At that point, Angie now knew the saying of "How The World Stood Still". She felt time freeze as she knew it. All the world around just froze in that moment in time. It was just her and Austin.

Austin loves me.

"Y--You l...love me, Austin?" Angie stammered out.

"Yes, ever since I first saw you in your mother's house," Austin replied. "Plus, you're loving, you always listen to what I have to say, and you're different from all the other girls I've dated."

Angie felt her eyes water at this. Austin was very much in love with her too. And she felt the same way with him. Angie longed to throw her arms around him and kiss him with abandon.

"You haven't answered my question," Austin spoke up, with a chilly tone. "Or better yet, let me help you. Am I not much of a man for you? Because the word 'teen' is in my age?" he questioned. " 'Cause I'll have you know that I am not your average snot nosed nineteen-year-old, I'm responsible in my own way! And just 'cause I'm younger than you and barely legal by this state doesn't mean that I'm confused, hormonally stressed out, and don't know what I want. I know what I want!"

Angie gulped at what he just said.

"Or is it because I'm white?" he asked.

Tears escaped Angie's eyes. That was it.

Austin looked horrified. "O--oh," he croaked out. To Angie's horror, tears welled in Austin's eyes, then quickly streamed down his face.

"I--I..... I ain't smoked since last month so we could be together," Austin said, his voice broken while his accent was thick. Angie felt her heart sink at this.

Dejected, Austin wheeled around and tearfully walked away and went up the stairs, leaving her there in the subway. She felt a sob come up her throat. This was it. The love of her life, just slipped away from her fingertips. The daydream of them growing old together was now out of reach. She turned around and put the token in the turnstiles in defeat. She went down another flight of stairs to be met by the 6 train, with its grotesque graffiti and wacky people. She stepped inside, just wanting to go home and mourn her loss. This is what her mother wanted. Angie thought she would never hate her mother so much. But now she did. Because of her prejudice and hate. Angie tearfully looked out the window on her journey home.