If I can help you (an Amasai fanfic)

Sadness and comforts

Ever since Kaede left, Shuuichi felt his mental state start to deteriorate. He was afraid of getting close to another person, in fear that they'll leave just like Kaede did. It wasn't her fault, he knew that, but he still felt hurt.  Nonetheless, he felt himself get worse again. It was subtle at first by grades dropping, than he refused to talk to anyone, no matter how much Kokichi teasingly prodded at him or how much Rantarou or Kaito tried to talk to him, he did not respond. His walks home with Rantarou grew empty, to the point where Rantarou had given up on filling the walks with conversation because of how detached Shuuichi was. Than it got worse, he started skipping school by staying home. He still did his homework and submitted it online but it was still unhealthy.

And he was aware of it.

He was always like this, even when she was around, but she would force him to keep moving. He remembered when after ONE day he took absence, she would go all the way to his house and scold him, even going the next day to coach him into getting ready. Shuuichi was lying in his bed until his phone went off. He was going to lie to Kaede again so she won't worry. He opened his phone to see a call from Rantarou instead.

That was odd, not once had they texted or called each other, so why was he calling now? He reluctantly pressed the 'pick up' button.

"Hey Saihara, is everything alright? It's been almost a week." Rantarou said, his tone surprisingly sounding like one of a big brother. Shuuichi remained quiet. "C'mon, at least say something, I'm a little worried." he reinforced as Shuuichi began to open his mouth to speak. He felt kind of empty.

"T..thank you for worrying a little, I-I'm fine.." Shuuichi replied, fumbling at his words. "Any 'fine' person wouldn't be skipping school. Trust me, I know." Rantarou only rebutted against him. Shuuichi blinked, his eyes still hooded by lack of sleep and exhaustion. His misty eyes almost grew completely dull, he was relapsing again. "Do you want me to come over? I want your permission first." Rantarou suddenly stated. Shuuichi was being reminded by Kaede once again. Rantarou and Kaede did grow up in the same neighborhood, didn't they? So it only made sense with their somewhat similar nature.

"S-sure I guess.." His voice was almost inaudible. He sleepily blinked again. He heard Rantarou give an 'okay I'll be there' and the small beep of the call ending. He looked at the time, it was right when school was supposed to end. He looked to his window which the drapes almost obscured all view of the outside world. The outside world didn't seem to exist, until he heard the sound of the door unlocking. Right, he kept a spare key under the mat for Kaede but he hadn't removed it since. He heard footsteps inside the home. Rantarou slowly walked into the room, gently nudging at the mostly closed door, peeking to see a large mount on the bed. It was Shuuichi's blanket.

"As expected." Rantarou just said to himself as he let himself in. He gently pulled away the blanket, trying not to startle Shuuichi. Shuuichi was looking away from Rantarou, his face looked rather sad than shy. Rantarou knelt down to get to his level. "Saihara, I'm here." He said softly, hoping the other would turn to face him. Shuuichi slowly turned his head to see Rantarou. He didn't say anything at all. He was a complete mess. His eyes had bags as he was fighting himself to stay awake, constantly blinking his heavy eyelids, his misty eyes all devoid of color, his black hair messily meshing with his cheek and the sheets of the bed, and his face completely pale. "I know.." Shuuichi said with a sigh, his voice was still extremely quiet. "Do you want to talk about anything?" Rantarou asked, he was tempted to stroke Shuuichi's hair in order to at least make him feel better. Nevertheless, he restrained himself. "No. Not really.." his voice sounded more dead. Rantarou slowly reached his hand to pet Shuuichi's head, losing to his temptation. Shuuichi surprisingly didn't resist or get flustered. He just closed his eyes and allowed Rantarou to move his hand across his hair.
Even though his hair was greasy due to him not showering for a while, it still felt soft in between Rantarou's fingers. From the look on Shuuichi's face, it was clear that he needed this. His face almost looked a little peaceful, like he was finally going to sleep. "Saihara, you should shower first." Rantarou simply said, cutting to the point. If Shuuichi's hair was this greasy, than imagine the rest of his body. Shuuichi reluctantly opened his eyes. "C-can you stay for a little bit..?" Shuuichi said softly, sounding a little flustered. "Of course, I'll help you out of bed." Rantarou said with a smile as he took one of Shuuichi's extremely pale hands and guided him out of bed. Shuuichi's hand felt delicate and fragile. Shuuichi struggled to get up as his body felt so heavy, like his bed was pulling at him to come back. He was up and he was wearing pajamas but they were disheveled and it looked like he hadn't changed from them in a long time. Rantarou tried not to scrunch his face at the sight, he looked awful.
Shuuichi rubbed his eyes and yawned. He walked over to his dresser and started to look for clothes. As he got out a change of clothes and his robe, he looked at Rantarou with his tired and dead eyes. "Hey.." his voice sounded soft again, even when it was coming from chapped lips. "What is it?" Rantarou asked and Shuuichi opened his mouth again. "T..thank you again.. Amani-kun.." he said softly, it was the third time he was thanking him.
"It's no problem Saihara, please just take care of  yourself, okay?" He said and Shuuichi let out a small chuckle. This was Rantarou's first time he ever heard Shuuichi laugh let alone see him smile.
"You.. sound a little bit like Akamatsu-San.." he said softly, a smile still lingering on his lips.