Wonderland [WWE] [Shawn Michaels] {Book 1}

Chapter 41: It All Leads Back To Me

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Kat's POV
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I was wandering around backstage, trying to remember the dress place Sarah told me about, when I heard the commotion from the men's locker room.

As I rounded the corner, I saw the action that was happening just outside of it. Shawn and Bret were going at it, again.

"Hey!" I exclaimed, running to try to get into the middle and split them up.

I stood in front of Shawn, trying to calm him down, but he just shoved me out of the way. He didn't mean to, but he pushed me so hard I collided with the wall. But he wasn't paying attention to anything but Bret.

Paul was by my side soon enough, asking if I was alright. I assured him that I was, but he wasn't having any luck splitting the two up either.

Only when whoever got the last hit and there were enough men from the locker room to hold them both back did they finally stop.

I could still hear Bret spewing all kinds of shit, some of it even about me.

"You and your group of degenerates!" I heard him yell. To be honest, it wasn't a bad name for us.

I rushed to Shawn, of course, but my concern was melting into aggravation. Why did he feel the need to start shit all the time? I thought we were good.

Shawn shrugged both Paul and I off, storming away from the whole scene.

I wasn't going to let him go that easily.

I followed him back into our personal locker room. He wasn't thrilled to see me, seeing as he was in one of his moods when he just wanted to shut out the whole world. Too bad.

My worry came back when I got a good look at him. His lip was busted open. "You're bleeding," I told him. I went to get a towel or something to wipe it up, but he wouldn't let me.

Fine, if he didn't want worry, he would get the anger. Because I was pissed as well.

"What the hell was that today?" I asked. I couldn't believe he would be getting in fights after things were finally looking up.

Shawn ignored me, grabbing a bottle of pain meds from his bag and downing a couple.

"I thought you were off the pills?" I demanded. I thought now that my concussion was healed, he wouldn't be hiding things from me anymore.

"I was..." he trailed off. He was trying to get out of it, but not this time. I was not letting him shrug this off.

If there was any hope for us marrying in that castle Steph wouldn't leave me alone about, this kind of shit couldn't happen.

"You were?" I asked incredulously. "How long have you been back on them behind my back?"

Shawn tried to shrug it off again. "Does it matter?"

I grabbed his arm, forcing him to face me. "Did you really just ask that? Does it matter? You know it does!"

He didn't give me the satisfaction of an answer, instead choosing to simply shoot me a piercing glare. I didn't care if he hated talking about this. Obviously, we needed to.

A dark thought crept into my mind. "Is it me? Is it something I--" I couldn't continue, because it felt like there was a lump in my throat the size of China.

"No, fuck! No, Kat. You are the one thing I actually have going for me. You are the only good thing in my life right now," Shawn told me.

But I was too far down the rabbit hole to stop. "Is it because I... lost the baby?"

"No! Yes. No." He ran his hands through his hair, clearly upset on multiple levels. I couldn't tell how much of that anger was directed at me and how much was directed at himself. He seemed to shoot me another stare. "That wasn't your fault." He paused for a minute, then added, "Don't you dare try to tell me it wasn't mine, either."

He knew exactly what my next move was going to be. Probably because we had been over it fifty times, at least. I didn't understand why he wouldn't believe me.

"It wasn't! Why can't you just--"

"You don't get it, Kat!" he exploded. "I know that. Trust me, somewhere up here," he pointed towards his head, "I know that. I know that car crashes happen everyday, and that people drive drunk everyday, and that I could never have known it was going to happen. I know that!

"But the problem is, that isn't the only voice up there. In fact, it's the quietest. There's all the rest, that tell me exactly how it all happened because of me. I was the one that made us leave later, because I was the one who pissed you off, because I'm the one that doesn't like to talk about his problems, because I do and have done things that I'm not proud of."

"That doesn't--"

"Because it all leads back to me, Kat. How many times have you cried this past year because of me? How many times have you been heartbroken because I fucked up? How many times have you lost friends or connections with your family because of me? How many times have you worried about me, because you don't know what I might do, if I might fly off the handle, or get into another fight? How many times have you suffered because of me?

"Let me guess, none of that was my fault either, huh?"

I said nothing. I didn't know how to respond. How was I supposed to know what any of that felt like?

Maybe I would if he would let me help him.

"So, yes, Kat, I know it wasn't my fault. But I don't believe it. All of it leads back to me," he finished. Before I could even say anything, he cut me off. "No, don't. I don't have anything else. You always want me to talk; there you go."

He turned and slammed the door before I could even think of going after him.

Maybe that was for the best.

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-A/N-
Ugh angsty babes are my weakness😭😭