Playing With Fire

3

Sorry it's so short but the next one is long and juicy
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"Why can't you just give up?" I sigh setting my house keys on the table as Jared closes the front door.
"Because I don't give up." He says following me into the kitchen. "When I set my mind to something I don't give in."
"Well you should this time."
"No. I don't care what you say. If you've been doing this for as long as you have you obviously feel some kind of pride in doing it."
"Or maybe I was told how to feel about it." I snap back. "You don't know anything."
"Then tell me, stop saying that and tell me what I don't know."
"You want me to open up to you?" My brow twitches in irritation as I turn away from him. Hadn't I told him enough about my past that he wouldn't want to know anything more? Why is he so adamant on getting to know me? That's not part of the deal we made, but then again maybe it is. I lean over the stove just thinking about what it would be like to open up about the things they beat into me at such a young age, but would that be fair to my mom? To Jared? 
"You said you changed your name to keep your life normal, then what happened?" Chuckling darkly I look up at him.
"I knew, even then that I was going to need something to separate myself from then, but what they did trumped what I thought. They slowly ate away at my will to be independent until I was their little puppet. By the time my eleventh birthday came around no one even knew who Avery was, it was like she never existed. I don't even know how they did it, I used to be so strong headed and independent, but they chipped me away slowly, piece by piece."
"What did they do to you?"
"I-" I take a deep breath before shaking my head a wry smile claiming my features. "I don't even know. They did it so precisely that I wasn't even aware that they were doing anything until it was too late."
"Well, I think you're wrong about it all."
"How do you know that?" I sigh.
"Because you're still stubborn sorbet didn't take that from you hence why you won't give in about the no emotion thing. Obviously you have some kind of integrity because you're still a virgin."
"Not by choice, that last one, it's like they have this radar and they can tell when I'm close to losing it."
"Well no one's here now, there's no way anyone can interrupt us."
"Seriously?" I roll my eyes at him.
"See, you wouldn't do the things you do if you didn't feel something, rolling your eyes, sighing, you obviously have emotion."
"They're automatic responses. I wouldn't be the best if I couldn't fake emotion."
"I guess that's true."
"You know just because you take pride in what you do, doesn't mean everyone does."
"What?"
"Not everyone takes pride in it. Someone of us have been doing this for forever because of our parents not for our parents."
"Avery-"
"Stop it." I hold up my hand before sighing softly.  "Don't."
"Let me make you dinner."
"No, please just go home, I have company coming in the morning."
"Company?"
"Yes no leave."
"Why didn't you say so earlier?" He snaps.
"Because it's none of your business. Now out." I quickly hurry him out before sighing again. I hurry up to bed and quickly fall asleep.

^^

I toss and turn all night looking at the sky outside. Company? Who could she be expecting? And why keep them from me? I mean I guess I'm not anything to her, not even a friend at this point. I don't get it, I don't get her. How could she be so adamant on being so cold? I don't know why she thinks she is, I honestly don't see it, but I don't know what she's feeling either. She is a great actress, one of the best since she's been a child, maybe I just can't tell because she's always acting.
I turn over to face the wall sighing heavily into my pillow. Why am I so driven to persuade he that she's not who she says she is? What difference does it make to me? They were all questions I didn't know the answer to, I didn't know where to start looking for the response either. Whenever she asks me some kind of important question I freeze up, because I can't answer them myself. I want to counter that it's my good deed but is it really? Maybe she doesn't want to feel anything because it was too much pain in the beginning. Now I just feel guilty.
But how am I supposed to know something so important like that if she won't tell me, even though we've only known one another for a few weeks now. I feel closer to her, I feel like we have some kind of connection that I just can't place on my own. She's nice in her own way, she's sarcastic and strong headed. Fuck she's me for god sakes. Minus the no emotion, as much as I don't want to feel emotion I have no other choice. I want to switch it off but I just can't bring myself to do it because I have so much to be grateful for. Remembering what little she's said about her mom makes me what to run to the phone and call up mine to tell her thank you for everything she's given and done for me. But would she understand what's going on between Avery and I? Maybe I should call maybe she'll have some advice on how to convince her, but it's also two in the morning. She's my mom, she'll answer me. I untangle my legs from the covers before snagging my phone from the charger on my nightstand. I pull up her name as I make my way to the kitchen.
"Jared Joseph it's two in the morning this better be important." She groans from the other end of the line.
"It is. I promise." I sit at the island before sighing. "It's this woman."
"Girl issues? That's different you never call for something so tedious."
"Yeah I know." Huffing I tell her what's been going on.
"Maybe because you like her." She says point blank.
"I mean I like her obviously, I've known that since the second I saw her, but I don't know how to go about her."
"I think you're doing just fine."
"Then what about this other guy?"
"Go find out." She suggests the shrug evident in her voice.
"Isn't that overstepping my bounds?"
"Isn't everything you've been doing?"
"Okay point taken. Thanks mom, for everything."
"What's gotten into you tonight!"
"Nothing love you."
"Love you more."