Playing With Fire

12

I wake up to the sound of the birds and the hot heavy air. The humidity made me drowsy, but I refused to go back to sleep. I sit up before looking at my phone to check the time. LA one in the morning. Barcelona ten in the morning. One in the morning. Groaning I throw the covers off my bare flesh reaching for my robe before looking out the sliding glass doors of our hotel room. The glimmering water and the older looking buildings before opening the balcony doors and sitting in one of the patio chairs taking in the fresh air.
"Kitten?"
"Hm?" I turn around in my chair to look at Jay.
"Good morning princess."
"Morning."
"You want something to drink, eat?"
"Not right now."
"How are you feeling?"
"Fine." I murmur standing up to lean over the railing.
"No puking on the citizens." I chuckle half heartedly shaking my head. "Go back to bed baby girl." He brushes my hair back.
"I'm sick of sleeping." He chuckles lowly kissing me softly. "We have a long day ahead of us, go rest." His lips meet my temple softly guiding me back to the bed.
"I can't sleep anymore. I'll never go to sleep tonight."
"You look tired."
"Jay, stop, stop babying me." I pull away from him quite forcefully. "I'm going to get in the shower." I step into the bathroom locking the door before letting my robe fall to the floor and start the shower. As I wait for it to heat up I look at myself in the mirror. Why did I wake up on the wrong side of the bed today. Sighing I lean forward over the sink. I don't know how he deals with these mood swings sometimes. My eyes automatically fall to my stomach, the hard semi bump starting to form in the lower region of my torso. I can't believe it's been a whole year. I sigh again before slipping off the engagement ring and step into the shower. How long have we been engaged now? Six months one of which I've spent over the toilet bowl every morning. One month, that's all but man it's felt like a life time, probably because I've been waiting my whole life to feel this moment. To be happy, married with children, so maybe the children part came a little early, but life's unexpected. Jay knocks on the door making me jump, my thoughts coming to a halt.
"Kitten are you alright?"
"Yeah, I'm fine." I call back over the sound of the water before continuing with my shower. He's gonna kill me when he finds out. Huffing I turn off the shower and get dressed.
"Ready kitten?"
"Yeah." I'll talk to him about it tonight, maybe. Sighing again I follow him toward the car. Why can't I tell him it's been a week since I've found out, why can't I just flat out tell him? Besides what the hell did he think was going to happen with his constant fucking god we've been fucking like rabbits since he released that album. I silently stare out the window before I hear him sigh from beside me.
"Okay what's going on?"
"What do you mean?" I ask turning to look at him.
"What did the doctor really say last week?" It wasn't the first time he'd asked. He's been hounding me to let him know what was going on since I came back. I was hoping he'd be too busy promoting the album and getting ready for the rest of the tour then keep up with my doctors appointment. I bite my lip before grasping my resolve.
"Well, he said that I'm-" his phone cuts me off the name of one of the crew members coming up. He glares at the phone before looking back up at me. "It's fine take it." I reassure secretly happy that we were interrupted. I didn't know how he would take it, how would it affect us, him with this album and the tour? It's the first time in five years and now I'm going to take that from him. Eventually I won't be able to take a plan or travel for long trips, not with a baby and not in my last trimester.
"Sorry princess." He sighs. "What were you saying?"
"Nothing, is everything alright?"
"No." He huffs. "Something's going on with the setup of the stage-" I zone out nodding here and there making it seem like I'm listening but I can't get my mind off how I'm destroying his life. How bad the timing is on this baby and whatever the hell he's talking about is just proving me right. "I'm sorry I'm sure I'm boring you. God I don't even know what to say sometimes."
"What are you talking about?"
"I feel like I'm letting this lose its spark, you've been unresponsive for the last week and this album debut is driving me crazy and I haven't helped with picking a wedding date because all this shits taking up my life and-"
"Jay baby." I press my hand to his over groan facial hair making me cringe on the inside. "Please, if you want to know how to keep this relationship alive I'll tell you." A sad look crosses his face.
"I knew it." He mutters.
"Shave this fucking beard." I laugh lightly pulling on his beard.
"Ow." He tips half heartedly.
"I seriously hate it."
"I'm not giving up this beard babe, see ya later." He teases a grin on his handsome, well once handsome, face.
"You'd give me up for a beard?!" I snap forging hurt.
"Hell yeah I would."
"That's so rude!" I laugh. And it felt good. He was right for the last week I have been unresponsive but I didn't want to make it seem like it was his fault, because it isn't even though technically it was. I just wanted to lighten his mood a little I didn't need him stressing about anything or I. We get through the night and by the end of the concert I just want to go to sleep. I strip out of my clothes and crawl into bed burying under the cover.
"Kitten what are you doing?" He purrs.
"Not tonight Jay I'm ready to go to sleep."
"Kitten." He pouts clearly all riled up still.
"No." I turn away from him curling up onto my side.
"You never finished telling me about the doctor." Groaning I sit up to look at him. "What did he say?"
"I'm..." I trail off taking a deep breath. I have to tell him. "He said I'm... that I'm..."
"Ava."
"I'm pregnant Jay." I say too quickly. His face falls lax clearly taken back. He stares at me with this dumbfounded look in his face. I wanted to burst into tears and apologize but what would I be saying sorry for. It wasn't just me that did this and if he for a second thought about putting all the blame on me he was rudely mistaken. He breaks eye contact to look at my hand at the 3 carat rose gold engagement ring.
"How far along?"
"What does that matter?" I ask in a small voice.
"How fucking far along are you Ava!?" He snaps clearly agitated.
"About a month."
"A month, when the fuck were you going to tell me?!"
"Stop fucking yelling at me!" I snap right back. "I found out a fucking week ago, when would you have liked for me to tell you. When you were in the studio signing fucking CDs when you were traveling the goddamn country to promote you album? When Jay?"
"So this is my fault?" I wanted to scream and rip out my hair. I wanted to leap across the bed and fucking kill him.
"I can't- I can't even talk to you right now." I stand up and start to get dressed.
"Where the fuck are you going?"
"I don't know and I don't give a fuck as long as it's away from you."
"We're in a different country where the fuck are you gonna go?"
"I said I don't fucking know!" I snap grabbing my wallet before disappearing.
"Avery!" He calls after me but I'm already halfway to the elevator sobbing like a lost child. I lean against the wall of the elevator trying to keep myself together for me for this child, but I couldn't. I was so angry I wasn't even upset it's not like he said he didn't want it, I was fuming at the way he handled it, that he yelled at me. How dare he yell at me. Just thinking about it made my head pound and the tears flow freely. I get out at the lobby and call the driver to tell him to come and get me, but when I get in and he asks where I want to go I can't think of anything.
"Wherever you want to go." I mutter.
"How about a great tourist sight, not many people should be there since it's so late." His voice was Ernest and trust worthy.
"Okay." I say softly. He gives me a sympathetic smile before driving. He doesn't ask me questions he just drives silently telling me fun facts about the city and some ancestral things. I listened, for the first time in a week I listened to someone talk and tell me stories and I didn't feel like talking but I did like to listen. For the first time in maybe all my life I liked to listen. He stops off after a long drive in front of an extravagant building that looked like a castle. "What is this place?"
"It's Sagrada Familia." Smiling I look up again. "You are with child." It wasn't a question.
"How could you tell?"
"Pregnant women just have this glow." I flush slightly before looking back up at the building. It seemed fitting in someway.
"What does it mean? Sagrada Familia?"
"Holy family, but some think it refers to the catholic family. Are you religious?"
"No." I reply honestly.
"Me either." He says softly making me chuckle. There's a long moment of silence as we both stare up at the building."He's stupid if he throws away you're relationship over this. A real man would stand up and take responsibility. If he loves you and wants to marry you he'll do what's right and if he doesn't then you can do much better than him." Smiling bittersweetly my phone buzzes in my hand making me look down at it. It's a picture of the two of us in Italy with Alessandro making bunny ears behind us. "That him?"
"Yeah."
"You gonna get it?"
"I don't really feel like it, show me something else." Grinning he nods and we head back to the car only this time I sit in the passenger seat.
When I finally get back to the hotel it's well after four in the morning. I get up the room taking a deep breath before going in. When I come through the door Jay's pacing the room with his phone to his ear.
"Well if you see her please get back to me as soon as possible." He hangs up tossing his phone into the bed. "Goddamnit." His hand runs through his long hair, pulling at the ends. He looks up, maybe sensing my presence, his swollen blue eyes looking into mine. "Where have you been!?" He yells coming toward me, his hands balled into fists.
"Seeing the city." I say weakly, stifling the tired yawn. I walk past him, headed for the bed, he wasn't going to stop me from sleeping a second time, not if he knew what was good for him.
"Avery." He yanks me back my the arm making me stumble slightly.
"Jared." I snap yanking my arm away from him.
"Are you fucking stupid!? Huh?! You've been out all night doing god knows what, god knows where, in a strange fucking city. You're pregnant, no answering your phone, fucking gorgeous as hell, you could've been fucking kidnapped or something, and I wouldn't have known! What if something happened to you? To the baby."
"Would you care?"
"What?"
"If something happened to the baby, would you care?"
"Yes Ava. What the fuck kind of question is that!? I might not have wanted this baby, but I wouldn't with anything bad onto you or our baby." I felt my heart skip a beat. "I hate to think that you'd think so lowly of me."
"I didn't mean it like that, you just didn't seem like you wanted the baby."
"Of course I want this baby. I want you Ava and everything that comes with you." I simply nod at a loss for words. "This isn't worth losing you over." Now I just felt guilty.
"That's not a reason to stay with me. I understand that you don't want kids I'm totally okay with that-"
"Stop Ava." He demands his hands cupping my face. "Just stop. You're right I didn't want kids and I swear I hated you for letting something like this happen-"
"For me letting it happen-" I was fuming.
"Stop, just listen. But when you left, I couldn't imagine a life without you, without the little pitter patter of feet."
"But what about the tour?"
"I don't care about the tour, you're more important if I have to give all this shit up for you for this baby then I will."
"No, I don't want you to, I don't want to be the reason you're leaving this. I want it to be your choice. I can wait for you Jay. For however long it takes."
"Promise?"
"I promise."
"I love you Avery." He presses his forehead to mine his hands still on my face as he closes his eyes.
"I love you too Jay." I whisper back.