CHAPTER FIVE- July 24, 2002
a/n: im pretty sure you all figured out whats going on here, since i did put as many hints evERYWHERE. but if not, then sigh, sigh, sigh.
songs for this chapter:
is there somebody who can watch you by the 1975 &
waiting game (prod by SOHN) by Banks
*also, this chapter is going to take place entirely focused on ashton's character, just because i feel like none of you really get where the story is going and even though i wanted the surprise to come with a bang, it would be better if you guys found out for yourself. so i hope this chapter helps a lot.
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It was cold and dark and his mom just finished snapping at him. The constant "you're a disgrace of a fucking son" and "what's the point of being here if you don't even remember?" is the only thing replaying in his head. And right now, his mind has to be the darkest place. He put his hand in the pocket of his sweatshirt and continue to drag himself to her house. He felt as if he betrayed everything, everyone but no one could really blame him. After all, it's his mind that betrayed him.
He stood on the front porch for eleven minutes, looking up at the house that was filled with memories he couldn't even remember. With people he couldn't even remember. By what his mom told him (before she exploded from a broken heart), Eleanor had black hair and a smile that could bring nations together and make all of the world's sorrows feel like they were nothing. The pain in his heart didn't scare him at all for it was the hurricane in his head that caused him to go in a frenzy. Days like this he didn't remember, the pain he caused people he couldn't even comprehend. Days like these, these were the worst days. And Eleanor watched him from their bedroom window. She saw him run. "Why do you always run, Ash? Always?" she sobbed to no one.
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The local bar on the corner of Fleet Street and Monroe had that inexplicable warmth to it, that was bad. Bars always had a warmth to them, it came in handy whenever the alcohol didn't warm the customer's throats well enough. But this warmth was suffocating to Ashton. He wanted to feel cold for once, alone. The only thing he wanted to fill was his mind and get rid of all the pain in his heart. And for someone like him, he had to drink in order to fulfill that. So six shots, three bottles of Jack Daniels and four swigs of vodka later, there he stood, again, in front of Eleanor's house at six thirty-six in the morning.
He rang the door bell three times (since he accidentally leaned against it) and waited for the girl to show her face. She stood on the other side and heard him sigh and sob. Turning the knob, she slowly opened it. "You're drunk," she stated firmly.
"I'm sorry but if you could please explain to me what's going on,that would be fucking great because my mom is treating me as if I killed three babies and I don't even remember anything. Please, El, please just fucking explain!" His hair was sticking to his forehead, one of his biggest pet peeves and his tears ran down his face and the stench of alcohol followed his being and consumed him. He was a mess but she still ushered him inside.
She made him a bowl of cereal since tea wasn't her thing and she sees enough coffee at work. But while they were still living together, Ashton never complained about the lack of energizers around so she had nothing to worry about. Then again, Ash would do anything for her, as long as "El was happy, he was happy." She was starting to see the flaws in that because she knew he couldn't keep his promises, nor remember them.
"I visited my mom today and she told me all this useless shit about how when I stopped peeing the bed when I was thirteen and that I'm stupid but those things aren't really useless at all because I need them and I need you but I don't know what to do. Oh look, I'm rhyming. Fucking Great. Oh go-"
"Ashton, shut up."
"What?"
"Be quiet, Ash. You're going to ruin it."
"What?" he breathed out, his voice still cracking from the torture he's been putting it through.
"The sun, it's rising."
"El, we need to talk about this and figure it out and...."
"Since you got sick, I wanted to keep track of everything. It was hard at first but I got it all figured out. I haven't really had this speech with you before since I didn't want to waste my breath but this time is different, this time I'm actually falling apart more than you are. We've been together for three hundred sixty five sunsets and sunrises, together for eight thousand, seven hundred sixty five and eighty one hundredth hours, together for five hundred twenty five thousand and nine hundred forty nine minutes. I've been with you every time you lost you're memory and I've been here to help you gain it back. I've been here to fucking fight for you and try and help you get better no matter how much money it took. But Mr.Stevens called today and told me that you would lose your memory today and that didn't effect me. I got fucking used to it and that's sad. This whole thing is sad."
"I love you,'' he breathed out. It sounded as if he was saying it more to himself than to her. He looked back up again, to see her smiling for once.
"I love you too, Ashton but you're not even trying to fight for your memory. Fight for me, for this, for fucking us."
He got up from his chair and walked towards her, bending down and taking her hands in his, caressing them softly. "I will, El. No matter what."
