He Was Never Mine

Chapter Eight:Confessions

"With each passing second, I feel like I'm slowly loosing my mind. Each and every night, I cry myself to sleep. There's no single day that goes by without me questioning myself, asking where I went wrong, wondering which part of loyal and loving I went contrary to. Other days, I feel like matching to their house with my daughter, but I'm afraid of what she'll do to Mia. These past few months, she's become a totally different person: always threatening me and making me wish I never came back. There are times when I ask myself if we were really best friends or if I meant anything to her because if our friendship meant anything she wouldn't be hurting me this much. Everyday, she rubs it on my face how much more of a woman she is to David than I ever was to him.

Some days, I want to let go of all the harm she's brought my way, walk to her and tell her to forgive me, beg her to please go back to how we used to. But this thing called ego won't let me and even if it did let me and I happen to do all that, she would probably laugh in my face and walk away. I'd have made a fool of myself.

I love David. I still do. Even after he ditched me for my best friend, my heart still longs for him: his touch, his love and the way he used to look at me. I have convinced myself so many times that I hate him and that with time, it'll all fade away:these intense feelings I have for him. But it's like with each ticking of the clock, the feelings come back ten times stronger. My heart still beats for him father and I don't know what else I can do to prevent it from doing this flip flop thing each time I see him. I know he is a married man and that I am committing a huge sin longing for him, but I can't help it. I still want him. I want my daughter to grow up with a father, surrounded by his love and care, but from the look of things, she won't ever experience that at a very young age.

This confession should be my first step to healing, I hope. Forgive me father, for I have sinned against you and God," I say finally rising up from my kneeling position but I'm interrupted by his voice which tells me not to go.

"I'm not a counselor neither am I a healer," he starts and the tears I've been fighting so hard begin to form in my eyes, " I'll be lying to you if I tell you I've gone through what you're going through because I've never even been through half of what you're going through. Believe me when I say, I don't even know what advice to give you. But I understand your pain and trust me when I tell you that the God who created you and your daughter, never puts you through circumstances He knows you won't be able to survive. "

I walk out of the confession booth, head held high but the devil sure knows how to ruin my mood because when it comes to my life, he doesn't seem to take a break from ruining it. In front of me stands Mia, Chelsea, Kirsty and David all smiling and giggling like one little perfect happy family. My mind stops for a minute because a million thoughts are running through it. Chelsea knows very well how protective and secretive I am of my daughter and she goes and takes her to them? Of all people? I rush to where they are standing and forcefully take Mia from Kirsty's hold. I start checking for any bruises and marks on her body because, forgive my paranoia but when it comes to Kirsty, even a child, she could kill if it's on her way to achieving something. Yeah, that's how evil she's become ever since her wedding, or maybe years before that, I can't tell.

"For the love of God Pinky, we've just been gone for five minutes, it's not as if she had been kidnapped, " Chelsea's voice cuts me off and I could swear I saw Kirsty roll her eyes. How I wish I could just prick those eyes, that way she wouldn't have anything to roll anytime she feels like it.

"The only thing that should be coming from your mouth should be an apology, not sarcasm, "I say protectively holding Mia to my side, "Why did you even bring her here? To them of all people? "

"You talk as if we were going to have her killed and sacrificed or something, "Kirsty says and for a second I want to kill her.

"Oooh, so you actually have a voice to talk? "

She scoffs. "No, I have a voice to bark. What do you think I just did? "Great. And ladies and gentlemen, introducing Kirsty Martin, my old best friend before she became a Stone. God, I had really missed her perfect and well calculated come backs. But this wasn't the time to reminisce about our sweet memories.

"It's his daughter we are talking about. He has every right to know you know, " Chelsea says and the reactions that follow next are so priceless, they anger me at the same time make me wish I had a camera to take a photo, just to keep it with me for my future. For God's sake Pinky, get a hold of yourself, she just revealed your big secret and you're here thinking about memories and photos. Right, what am I supposed to say now.

"Daughter! " I'm drawn from my trance by both David's and Kirsty's shrieks. Who screams that loud? Now my ears are going to hurt the whole week.

"Yes brother, this kid right here is your seed, your daughter Mia,"she goes on as if she has not just broken news that's going to change people's lives. I had never planned on telling David that Mia was his daughter and even if I did, this was not how I imagined it going down. Chelsea knew that Mia's safety was at stake if she ever revealed it so I couldn't help but wonder why she is doing all this. She then proceeds to look me straight in the eye as if challenging me to dare deny the information. I try so hard to find the right words to say to them, but I can't and even if I did, I didn't owe anyone a God damn explanation of how I do things in my life. So I starts walking away but David grips my arm forcefully. Why did he have to be so damn sexy every time he gets angry?

"You had our daughter for five good years and never bothered to tell me? "

"Look who's asking, the same man that ditched me for my best friend. And just a reminder it's my daughter, not our daughter, " I reply yanking my arm from his firm grip," So what if I told you we have a daughter? Would you have been patient for one more year before deciding it was best to jump into her bed? Would you have waited for me till I came back? Or would you leave and come back to me so that we can raise our daughter together like we always fantasised we would? "

"He's jot leaving me for anyone especially not you boo, so get that illusion outta your mind," Kirsty says folding her hands before rolling her eyes. Again. If I were to get a dollar for every time she rolls her eyes in one day, I'd have built myself ten mansions by now.

"Stay the hell out of this Kirsty, "David says to her and raises her hands up in surrender.

"David, just let me be please. You've already taken everything from me, just let me and Mia be. As for you Chel, I always knew you'd stab me but what I didn't know was that it would be this way, " I say walking away from them, Mia safely secured in my arms.

"Whatever Pinky. We'll fight you till we gain custody of her, " Chelsea yells but my mind is in a complete mess. By the time I get to my car, I'm in total mess and I just can't help but cry each time Mia gives me that 'I'll hurt anyone who hurts you Ma ' speech.