Honey Lips

{eleven}

"I pray to God I don't have to pay for not knowing
This world is new to me, I do not know it
My pride never wanted you to know this
Sometimes I just wanna be alone"

It's been a week since I made that project—since I've harmed myself. My arm still stings where every cut lies. They have healed a bit, changed from a gash to an irritated red scab. As much as I want to itch it I know I can't. All week I've been tugging down my sleeves to cover my cuts. I've also managed to steer clear of all things Miguel and friends. Anytime I see them down the hallways, I walk the other way. For lunch, even though I'm not eating more than an apple, I found a large tree by the art building where I've been sitting. It's nice out there.

Today was one of those days. My legs crossed and fingers fumbling with my sleeve. My arm won't stop itching. I rub along my arm, trying to relieve that stupid itch. I let out a sigh when it was just enough.

Digging through my bag, I grab my headphones and plug them into my phone. 'I Know You' by Skylar Grey fills the silence. I hum along to the lyrics and bob my foot. Grabbing blades of grass I feel my lip quiver. I just wish things could be different. We should've never came to this town, better yet, I should've never met Miguel.

A sudden thought of dad makes me gasp and stop picking at the innocent grass which I've taken all my feelings out on. I unlock my phone, pause the music, and scroll through my contacts. I find dads. My finger hesitates over his contact and I take my bottom lip between my teeth. It's been a while since I've talked to him. Work and Gina have absorbed all his time. I finally press the contact and hold the phone to my ear. It rings. Once. Twice. The third time, he answers.

"Hello?"

"Dad? It's Lydia."

"I know . . . that's what your contact says," he pauses while I'm taken aback by his words. He sounds irritated that I called. Maybe even more irritated that he accepted the call. "What's up kiddo?"

"Uh—nothing, I just, I wanted to see what you're up to?"

He sighs. I can just imagine him closed his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. I, too, sigh. This was a huge mistake.

"Is there a specific reason you called?"

"I just—I miss you dad. I never see you anymore," I whined.

"I miss you too kiddo. Hey, what'd you say we go get something to eat after school? Just the two of us? Huh?"

My eyes widen. "Just the two of us?"

His warm chuckle that I haven't heard in months chimes through the line. I've missed that sound. "Just the two of us. I've missed my princess."

Princess. Princesa. Miguel calls me his bella princesa.

I shake my head at the thought of him. "Okay!" A warm smile tugged at my lips. "I love you! See you later."

"Mhm, bye!" The line cuts. That happy smile that was on my lips falters into a frown. He didn't say it back.

I made sure I brushed my hair and spritzed a bit of perfume on before I entered the café. I sat in a booth right next to the window to have a full view of the street. I kept my eye out for his shiny Jeep. The sweet waitress came around and took my drink order at 2:30. She returned with it at 2:35. I stared out the window some more from 2:40 to 2:55. I paid my tab and picked at my chipping mauve nail polish till 3:00.

3:30

4:00

4:40

4:50, I sigh and gather my belongings. He stood me up . . . my own father stood me up. I should've expected this from him. It was always mom that came to all my school activities or my parent teacher conferences. It was always mom.

Just as I made it to the door, it swung open to reveal none other than my father himself. He was breathing hard and panting, pulling at his collar and loosening his tie. I furrowed my eyebrows and took his forearm.

"You okay?"

He doesn't respond, just nods and walks past me. He sits down in my previous spot. My empty cup of tea and paid tab evidence of my stay. He pushes away the objects and leans his elbows on the table.

"Where were you?"

His Adam's apple bobs as he swallows. His itchy fingers loosen his tie, again. A move I've learned that means he's hiding something. He's distressed and wants something to do to steer away the topic. But that's not how I work.

"Where. Were. You." I repeat, fury and betrayal leak through my voice. He closes his eyes and looks down. Before I can comprehend what I'm doing, I slap my hand on the table top creating a loud clank from the empty tea cup. His head snaps up and he swallows again before he opens his mouth to spit out a lie.

"I was at work honey, why do you ask?" Then he smiles. He. Smiles.

My chin quivers and eyes prick with tears. "Why are you lying?" I plead. "Why are you always lying?"

He furrows his dark eyes brows and blinks a few times. "When have I lied to you?" He reaches across the table and places his sweaty hand atop of my clenched fist. I pull my hand back as if his touched burned, and it did. In betrayal.

"You lied to mom . . . and where is she now?"

It was as if time stopped. A ocean of red pooled and swirled in his brown eyes. I've never seen him so dumbfounded and furious at the same time. I regret it, but it was the only way to get my point across. His lips pulled back as he snarled, capturing the attention of everyone in the café. "Do not speak of her!" The vein I always spot when he's angry is practically throbbing in his forehead. His once pale white face is a deep scarlet color.

Collecting my belongings, I stand. The whole café is staring at me with pity. The whole café, which I've just entered for the first time, will remember me as the girl whose father has anger issues. "Have a nice day, father." I fumed at a tone to which only he could comprehend. I exit the café with only one thought remaining, where was he?

♪ — Cutting Ties by 6LACK

Sorry for such a short chapter! I hope you enjoyed it. Also, my first book Delicacy hit 50k reads! Thank you so much to those who've read it and voted. For those who haven't go check it out!❤️

Xoxo,
rrosebudd