About to miss everything (Kellic)

My emotions are on a fucking rollercoaster

And you can take all the pain away from me. Your kiss and I will surrender

I told him I'd try, and what did I do? I cut right after he left! What a failure I am. He is going to be so angry, so disappointed in me. He probably told the whole school and now they'll think I'm a freak. What if he asks to see my arms? What am I going to do then? He is going to know and he'll hate you even more than he does now!

These thoughts were swirling around my head and banging on my skull. I couldn't escape them and the longer I was hearing them the more I wanted to cut again. I couldn't though, could I? No I'd have to skip class for that and I can't skip more after yesterday. I settle for aggressively snapping a rubber band on my wrist. 

I arrive to school metally and physically drained. I couldn't sleep after Vic left since I was so worried about today. Jack would be here today, what if Vic tells him? What if he finds out? The thought of more people knowing my secret makes me sick. I can't believe I let him find out. Everything is ruined. 

I don't have too much time to think as I have to go to gym class, but I know that I'll probably end up thinking all class.

———————-

"Kellin!," Jack calls as I walk into the classroom. "I missed you!" 

I chuckle at his antics, it's only been 3 days he couldn't miss me that much. I'm smiling at my thoughts until he says four words that I don't want to hear, "How are you doing?"

I try not to look panicked, but my brain is shutting down. How am I doing! How am I doing! I'm doin just great! My friend found out that I cut myself and want to die, I'm doing just peachy, thanks for asking! I struggle to find my words, and they come out as a forced "I'm fine, how are you?"

He looks at me a bit weird at my forced attitude but I guess doesn't bother to ask about it as he begins telling me about his weekend. I'm not really listening because the person I was dreading seeing walks in. 

Vic

Why did it have to be him who found out? Why not someone who I don't care about, or someone who couldn't ruin my life? But nope, it was stupid Vic. 

"Hi Jack, hi Kellin!" Vic says happily as he sits next to me.

Vic and Jack break into a separate conversation as I can't be bothered to join in. My brain is running a million miles a minute and trying to focus is impossible. 

What if Vic asks me how I'm doing and knows I'm lying? What if he finds out I cut again right after I said I would try to quit? What if he told Jack, or worse, the whole school?

"Kellin," someone says, breaking me out of my thoughts, "class is over, it's lunch time." 

I look up and see it's Vic. He's looking at me worried, I guess because I was pretty much out of it all class. I get up and follow him and Jack to lunch. It's going to be a long day.

——————

"Bye Kellin!" Jack says as he begins walking away from me to go home.

"Bye Jack." I say less enthusiastically. I'm so tired and feel so mentally drained, I can't wait to go home and get some kind of release.

"Hey Kellin?" I turn and see Vic walking up behind me. "Can I maybe drive you home?" He asks nervously.

"Uh, yeah," I blush a bit at how cute he looks when he's nervous, "just give me a second."

I finish packing up and we start to leave the school. Half way through the walk he grabs my hand. I look down at our intertwined hands and back up at him before looking away blushing. Don't act so gay Kellin, this is probably a platonic thing stop being an idiot.