About to miss everything (Kellic)

Notes

Another years over, snow starts to fall. Just like it would if you ended it all.

I woke up earlier than all the boys so I wormed my way out from their hold to go to the bathroom. Just as I'm walking in I spot a piece of crumpled paper, I pick it up and unfold it.

The paper is blood and tear stained, and I remember it as the not I was writing yesterday. Tears instantly brim my eyes and a short breath leaves my mouth. All the feelings from last night came flooding back into my brain, ruining the first decent mood I had in weeks. I can't breathe properly and tears are streaming down my face as I crumple myslef into a ball, and begin to slam my head against the wall. I can feel someone's hands on me but it doesn't matter, I'm just focused on trying to bang the thoughts out of my head. Someone begins holding me and restrains me so I can't hit my head on the wall anymore. I struggle against their grip but it is no use as my breathing begins to even out. 

As I calm down I register the hands holding me down are Vic's and he person cradleing my head as Jack. The crumpled note is still in my hand and I let out a sharp breath avoidinnthe looks of worry on my friends faces. 

"Kellin? Are you ok?" Vic says, slowly removing his grip, Jack following suit.

"Yeah." I whisper, sitting up and trying to hide the note in my hand.

"Does this have anything to do with what's happening?" Jack says, grabbing my wrist, makin me wince and pull away.

"Fuck." I whisper, rubbing my bandaged arm.

"I'm sorry, but that in your hand, does it have anything to do with it?" 

"Kellin, can you let me see it? Please Kellin?" Vic says, and I slowly unravel my fingers and look down, playing with my sleeves.

I hear him gasp, and I know he knows what it is. I can hear him pass it to Jack who two gasps. Vic sets his hand gently on my shoulder, but I still flinch. I look up and he motions for me to follow him and Jack downstairs. Once we are there, Vic begins.

"Kellin I think that this is really serious," he starts and I look down in shame. "Not that it wasn't serious to begin with, but I think that you should see a proffessional, and I'm sure Jack agrees wit me right?" He pauses and Jack nods in agreement. They both look at me intently and I know they want my opinion but I can't open my mouth to speak.

"Please Kellin, I think it's for the best as well." 

"We can find someone to help you, you don't have to feel like this anymore, please let us get you help." 

They were both looking at me so intently I knew I couldn't disagree, but I know nothing will help me, I'm too far gone, I don't want to get better.

"Ok."

They smile widely and wrap their arms around me in a tight hug. I want to smile like them, but it's not something I think I'll ever be able to do.

Shorter chapter, I'm sorry. I'm trying to write but motivation is always slim. I hope you enjoyed!

-R