About to miss everything (Kellic)

Crying to desert song is normal

Well tonight, will it ever come? Spend the rest of your days rocking out just for the dead. Well tonight, will it ever come? I can see you awake anytime, in my head. And did you come to stare or wash away the blood?

The whole class Vic  and Jack tried to talk to me, I wouldn't let them though. There was nothing to talk about, I didn't want to get better, so I  might as well stop talking to them now and make it less painful when I die. 

At lunch I had to ditch them so I went into the bathroom and locked the door. I went to look in the mirror I looked awful. My eyes were still red, and my cheeks sunken in, worst of all no spark in my eyes. I longed to see that spark, or anything resembling life in my eyes but there was nothing. I can't remeber the last time I had seen that spark, if I had ever even had it. After a while I can't stand to see myself in the mirror anymore, so I go sit in the corner to sulk.

I feel so empty right now, like there is nothing inside of me and I am just a vessel. I know how I can feel something, but doing it in school isn't always the best idea. The more I thought about it the better of an idea it was, I began to cut into my arms. They started quite shallow but they got more harsh as I went on. 

I was interrupted by the doorknob turning, and then a knock. "Kellin, we know you're in there, no one else locks this door. I'm going to unlock the door." Vic said from the other side of the door.

This put me into panic mode as I hid the blade and pulled my sleeves down to pretend I wasn't cutting. The door opens revealing Vic and Jack with worried faces. I'm still huddled in the corner,   probably looking like a deer in headlights. Vic began walking over hesitantly while Jack relocated the door and stayed there. I was trapped and there was no way I could get out of this situation.

"Kellin, please talk to us, we only want to help." Vic soothed, crouching in front of me slowly, only pissing me off more.

"Don't treat me like a child." I whispered, not looking at Vic. I didn't want to see their worried faces. I could feel the stinging in my arms and the blood collecting, good think blood is easier to hide in a black sweatshirt, they hopefully wouldn't see it.

"Kellin, I'm not. I just want you to talk to me, can we please talk?" He practically whispers, his eyes are shiny with tears and I nod hesitantly. He lets out a sigh of relief and motions for Jack to join him. 

They both sit down facing me and Vic places his hand lightly on my thigh, but even the light touch makes me flinch and hiss because of the scarring. He frowns and moves his hand, locking eyes with Jack and looks like he is going to break down. 

"Kellin, Vic and I really want you to get better, please let us help you." 

"You dont understand what it's like." I whisper sadly.

"We know that, and hopefully we never feel like you. We are just so upset that you would take a blade to your skin and not let us help. It's time to let us in." Vic pleads, looking at me with so much hope.

"I can't Vic, I don't want to get better and all we are doing here is postponing the inevitable. It would be easier if you two left me so it will hurt less." 

"What is inevitable Kellin, your suicide? You can't seriously think we would stand by and watch this Kellin?"

"Yeah," Vic buts in. "Let us in, we can help. Stay with us and try and stop hurting yourself, it hurts us." 

"Ok." I whisper, looking up and seeing their faces turn from worry to happiness. They lean in for a hug but I pull back. "I don't want to stain your shirts." I say, looking down not wanting to see their reactions.