About to miss everything (Kellic)

Panic (but not at the disco)

Honestly, I'm convinced the best of me is the worst of me. Believe me, I've tried but I just can't seem to fight. Against the tides and undertow that drag me down. So low beneath the foam I can't feel the sun burn my eyes

The sense of calm from earlier stuck with me, it felt as if I was floating above the earth and nothing could stop it or bring me back down.

But as the saying goes, what goes up, must come down. And down did I go, hard.

I didn't plan on going from such a calm state to a full out panic, but what else should I have expected.

I try to bring back some, or any of the feelings I had earlier but it seemed that none of it was working, so I went to my bag and pulled out my rubber bands.

I began pacing and mindlessly slapping the bands, doing anything to keep the anxiety in check.

I felt so weird, as if I wasn't really real, but I was at the same time. My existence shifted back in forth throughout reality as I began to shiver from the cold and then immediately sweat.

The feeling was terrible, no matter what I thought of I couldn't pull myself out of the trance. The paranoia was beginning to set in too, every noise I heard my head snapped towards and would cause a tremor to shoot through my body.

I was pacing for minutes, or hours, I couldn't tell at that point when my phone buzzed in my pocket, and I reached for it, hands not feeling real as I held its smooth surface.

It was a text from Vic

'Hey, just checking in to make sure you are good, I love you'

I read his message, feeling devoid of emotion and stressed.

'I'm good, no need to worry. Love you too'

I text back, there was no reason to worry Vic and I was didn't even feel real right now. I could have imagined typing that. It felt as if I opened my mouth to talk the words would just disappear.

'That's good to hear, I miss you, can I call?'

Vic texts, and I think of how sweet he is, still feeling disconnected from my emotions. I start typing back yes but remember the consequences of that. He'll probably hear how off I am and be mad I was lying then be worried that I'm not good and...

'Wow, I got left on read. Ouch'

I get pulled out of my panic by this text as I laugh slightly at Vic. I quickly send back a 'call me' and wait.

I barely had to wait 10 seconds before my phone was ringing, I picked it up almost immediately, slowly but surely shaking off my panicked state.

"Hi Kellin, I really missed you." He says into he phone and I smile at his words.

"Dude we saw each other earlier today."

"Yeah but that was hours ago, I miss you." He says and I blush.

"You are starting to sound like me, all clingy and shit."

Vic gasps in mock horror, "I can't believe you would accuse me of that Kellin!"

I giggle at his words, deciding to sit down instead of pacing my room.

"How are you doing?" I asked him, running my free hand through my hair.

"I mean, I'm good. Just a little stressed is all." He replies quietly, almost as if he doesn't want to admit he has problems

"Dude that sucks, is there anything I can do?"

"No you need to focus on yourself, you're going through so much already."

"Vic," I whined. "I want to help you out, and just because I'm going through something doesn't mean that you can't have any problems."

"But Kellin-" he starts before I cut him off.

"No if, ands, or buts, you are allowed to talk to me about what's going on. You are allowed to be stressed. Come on Vic I love you, I want to help you."

He laughed a bit into the phone before sniffling.

"Are you crying?" I ask shocked, worried I said something wrong.

"No it's just I'm supposed to be helping you, but here you are being so nice to me."

"That's how it works, you are stuck with me now."

"I guess I am."

I'm really sorry for short and shitty chapters but I'm trying my best! Things aren't going great irl so I'm trying my best to push out updates. Check out my other 2 stories if you like this!! Thanks for sticking with me!