Another Lifetime (Camren) | Vyntage

P R O L O G U E

March 03, 1518

Dear Camila,

They say the eyes are the windows to the soul. I saw you with him today, and I fell in love with you again like I always do whenever I get to see you. You were wearing the dress I made you. I didn't expect it would look majestic on you, but it did. Well who am I kidding, you are divine wearing anything and even without anything at all. Your beauty reminds me of the first morning after the storm left. When it was still cold and cuddling in, to save some more sleep would just be fine because of no reason other than it is understandable. Your eyes, you got me with those eyes; calm and enigmatic yet inviting. I crave their attention and I yearn their approval. Every time you laid your eyes on me, I am complete. I am contented, like I got all that I need in my life. Every stolen glances felt like forever and every stare is making love without interaction. Your lips, it's soft and sweet when I felt them on mine. It feels like it's always our first. Every bit of you my dear is perfection. Perfection I don't deserve, but I crave. And perfection I won't be able to live with forever, and I deeply regret.

I am writing this with pain in my heart because I won't be able to see you again. Or to accurately put it into words, you won't be seeing me again. I am stealing myself from you, to save you from me. Because I am havoc. Remember? Those were the first words I uttered when you told me that you were starting to fall in love with me. I am havoc; but you never believed me. 'How can you be destructive my love?' You said sweetly like music to my ears while placing another sweet peck on my lips before you left my -- our room to make breakfast. But my love, I meant what I said the first time I said it. I may not be havoc when you were cuddled with me in bed past asleep deeply nuzzled in my bosom. But how about now? Now that I am leaving you? I know you'll get mad at me if you ever read this. And when you realize I am not beside you when you wake up later. You'll curse me. You'll resent me over and over again. But i'll accept that, I'll bear that because I can never say goodbye to you personally. I can't bring myself to rip you off my side if it meant ripping you off my life too. I know this is cowardly, but this is the closest to brave that I'll ever be and nothing more. Know my love, while you are sleeping in our room right at this very moment while I am writing this; I am missing you, every part of what makes you, you. Know that what I am about to do is never easy. And even if I'd be able to leave as I intend to, my life after you would mean nothing at all. But I have to do this. We both know I should, that's why you sleep late tonight making sure I will at least have a reason not to do it. But if I don't leave now, I'll never be able to do it ever again. And we'll both regret it in the end. Like before.

I am leaving you not because I don't love you anymore. Because my whole existence is over flowing with oceans of loneliness while I am writing this and while I packed my things while you were away. I am missing you right now, even if you're only ten feet away from me and I know it will almost be impossible to leave you first in the morning, but then I have to do this. For you, so if you'll see me in the future, you'd have a normal life. Away from the bustle and hustle of my worried thoughts and over thinking. For me, so if you'll see me in the future, I may have been able to fix myself and my life too. And for us, so in another time, space or life we could have our second chance. Until then, my love will always be for you and you alone. I am deeply sorry and equally agonized as you'll be tomorrow. For that I am so sorry.

Find me in another life and I will love you as much as I love you now and more. In the morning I'll be leaving for good. But my heart will stay with you. I love you so much.

Forever,

Lauren