Another Lifetime (Camren) | Vyntage

Chapter 7

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P R E F E R E N C E

(n.) something that is liked or wanted more than another thing : something that is preferred

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Camila Cabello

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10 YEARS AGO

Today is my 15th Birthday and I was having brunch with my mom and dad at my all time favorite diner here in Miami. I was a bit off and silent, since our food arrived and I can feel my parents eyeing me so much that if looks could melt me, I would've been a freakin juice right now. I know for sure they're starting to notice that I'm not my usual bubby, warm, always joking, talkative self. But I can't bring myself to myself right now. I'm being nervous as hell.

I'm gay. I mean technically a lesbian, and I have been feeling like this since I was 12. So I've been closeted since then. As the years go by I'm groeing more and more anxious and frustrated because I can't express myself the way I wanted to.

Since I woke up this morning, I have been contemplating on whether to come out now or wait till I'm 18 or legal. Part of me was scared because I don't know how my loving-understanding-yet-strict parents are going to react about their first princess being a lesbian, but the other part of me want to get this over so badly. I mean three years of conceal don't feel?! Another year and I'll lose my mind. Big time.

I want no more hiding or pretending. So before my dad could ask me again if I want to date anyone among the lined up sons of his business partners on their restaurants, I need to step up and tell the truth and nothing but the truth so help me god!.

I was stabbing the steak in front of me lousily when I mindlessly blurted out...

"I'm gay."  I intend it to be louder but then it came out as a whisper.

I suddenly dropped my fork and jolted up and as expected both of them are now staring at me in disbelief, my mom's right hand was on my dad's and her right was loosely clenched againts her chest. Dad pulled off his poker face and just stared at me, he scoffed after a few seconds and said...

"Camila, what are you talking about?" He said rather calmly.

The sound of my heartbeat was deafening, I can't think straight I wan't to say so many things but I don't know where to start. But I have their attention now so I guess I just need to keep going. So here goes nothing!

I looked at them sincerely before speaking and sigh.

"Mom, dad... I'm gay. I've been like this since I was 12, I don't any sexual or emotional connection to guys. I decided to hide because I don't know if you could accept me, but I can't hide it anymore. I'm so sorry. I failed you." my voice cracked and I was sobbing, I am waiting for their angry words and scowls for a moment but I didn't hear any. Maybe they'll just give me the cold treatment for the rest of my life. So I cried harder.

I suddenly heardy dad...

"Whay are you crying for?".

"Because ai failed you guys. I'm really sorry. I tried holding it back, but I can't..." I felt my mom's left hand reached for mine with her soft and understanding expression, so I just bowed my head ashamed for myself.

"I am dissapointed.." dad started. I knew it, they'll hate me for this but his next words gave me hope.

"But as much as I wanted to see you marry one of my business partners son in the future, I guess that wouldn't be possible now" I lifted my head and looked at him poker faced gone, I stayed silent.

He shrugged his shoulder and made a funny face while saying "To hell with them. If you're gay, then you're gay. There's nothing we can do to stop you Mija. We raised you to be good to people around you, to be compassionate, to be repectful to the elders. But we didn't raised you to be straight just because we want to have a grandchild with you, although that's what parents are after right? And no matter what you say or do, we'll accept you for who you truly are. You're our baby remember?".

I was overwhelmed with my dad's good words, I cried again and saw my mom smiling to dad and she squeezed his hand which my dad smiled towards her in return.

I didn't know what to say, I never expected it to go on like this but I am overjoyed, so I stood up and ran to my dad who then stood up and welcomed me with open arms and so did my mom.

I sobbed on my dad's chest then I suddenly heard him giggled and blurted...

"So Mija, should I be talking to my business partners' daughters now?" I pulled back and made a face towards him, after a few seconds we all finally cracked and laughed.

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That was then and still is to me the most wonderful moment of my life.