The First Clam's Unladylike Wife

Trip 23: The New Beginning

Trip 23: The New Beginning

...

I take in a deep breath to ready myself. I can't wait anymore. The burden of keeping something from Giotto is too heavy. But even though I want to tell him everything, I don't know how to.

I am terrified of his reaction.

Giotto is a man born in this time. So what if he is quite open minded? Aren't Mafiosi really religious? I just hope he doesn't react too violently when I will tell him about my origin.

I... I don't want to hide anything from him anymore, but I don't want to think about his reaction either.

What should I do? How can I get into the subject without too much risk? Sure, he knows that I came from another world, I told him that myself, but since then, we haven't spoken anything about it. Three days already slipped by and nothing.

Is this a bad sign or a good sign? I don't know how Giotto thinks about it. Is it because he is too shocked that he doesn't want to talk about it? Or he just accepted it?

I really don't like this peaceful atmosphere around us. It feels like the peace before a storm, and I've already experienced that, I don't want to relive it once again.

My heart is pounding so wildly in my chest that it hurts. I can hear my loud heartbeats, which worsen considerably my nervousness. Closing my eyes tightly, I try to suppress the nauseous feeling.

"Elleira?" Giotto stops passing me the wet dishes and looks at me in concern. His amber eyes reflecting my pale visage, "Are you alright?" He takes away the bowl in my hand and puts it away. "Come, you shouldn't work if you don't feel well. You just got better yesterday. I can do the chores myself, you should rest."

I can see the concern and remorse in his eyes as he guides me to the couch. Strangely, seeing him like this soothe my nerves.

"Giotto." Before he goes away to resume the dish washing, I grab his forearm.

Here it goes.

"C-can we talk...?" I steal a glance at him, and see that he looks just as uneasy as me. "I... I don't want to keep it any longer. I don't like how we are right now. I-I feel really uneasy."

He is standing beside me, unmoving, impassible, his forearm still in my grasp.

"I... I..." This is bad. The bubble of courage I gathered on a whim suddenly popped as if it never existed in the first place.

In the end, I am still too coward to break this peace. I like it, I love it, I yearn it, so I don't want it to end. I don't think I will be able to pull it through if Giotto doesn't accept me.

I am terrified of the result, not only concerning me, but also concerning Giotto's past.

I still can't forget his polite yet distant facade before the Mafiosi in the ship. His warmth and kindness are hidden by his power, his pride. His mere presence can inspire fear. Giotto is a leader, a gentle yet powerful leader. Just like a sword, no one will know how much damage he can cause once unsheathed, and no one can detach their gaze away from him when he does.

Am I strong enough to stand beside him? I am just a normal person. I don't even know the darkness of this time, which is already a huge disadvantage for me comparatively to others born in this era.

I... don't want to be his weakness, a burden. If my presence is going to drag him back, then... wouldn't it be better if I leave-

"Stop it." Giotto suddenly takes my hand off his forearm and clasps it in his. He kneels down before me and stares right in my eyes, "Don't you dare think about leaving. You said you love me, so don't leave..." His fierce demeanor dies down, replaced by insecurity, "...please."