Effort At Its Finest (Brother's Bestfriend)

Confession Time

Hey!
So I'm back.
Well, honestly I'm not back with commitment since I'm still crazy busy, but Thanksgiving break is finally here, and I was able to squeeze in some time and edit this chapter for you.
I'm really very sorry for the absence. I wasn't expecting to be gone for longer than a week or two. This week, I'm surprised I'm capable of doing anything using my slow mind, especially since I've been taking one-in-the-morning showers and lost a lot of sleep and energy by coming home late from taking care of things.
Adding onto that is having personal problems. It takes its toll, and this week I've been so stressed and exhausted, I've become physically sick. It's kind of hard to take care of problems when throwing up and tending a headache everytime I get the chance to eat or sleep.
I'm sorry, I really shouldn't be complaining to you. Thank you so much for sticking with me on this and supporting me. Things would be so much more difficult without the nice things you say to me, or your funny comments that light up my dark day. :)
I will try to upload this week again, but it may or may not happen considering my brother and a few friends are coming back from college this break, and it's going to be a busy week.
Anyway, enjoy the chapter & I'm sorry for making you all wait.
- cilla ♥
p.s. I'm uploading a chapter for Smile For Me as well

  

I was still sitting down after Jared and Xavier already left. Calley was gone, too.

Courage, I needed courage. I needed anything to make me someone she'd talk to, because she didn't push me away. She came to me, and she pushed Jared away. I wondered if I should go to her about me first, because it was what I needed.

But did I have courage to tell Macy?

I rose to my feet, quick and so eagerly that my head went light. I took note of how I hadn't yet had a cigarette that day, and went down the stairs to see Macy and Journey sitting on the couch, her going blank in thoughts. Walls up.

"Hey." I said, and the pretty green eyes of hers flickered over to me, and she blinked, eyelashes fluttered plainly and I felt her eyes feel over me, making me thankful she still found me attractive in some way.

She smiled in a friendly way, but it seemed forced. "Hey."

I took one last step down the stairs and stepped forward. She looked up at me patiently. "I- I," Shit I was stuttering like a nervous little boy. I cleared my throat, "I need someone to talk to." I said, using her words and feeling my ears heat up and praying she wouldn't notice.

She smiled for real this time and sat up, nodding to the spot next to Journey on the couch. "I'm here." She said with almost excitement.

I looked at her funny, seeing and loving how she suddenly lit up. Taking a seat beside her dog, Journey dropped his head onto my lap and moved away from her. She rolled her pretty eyes at him. "What's up?" She asked when I got settled in.

I took a deep breath. Can I do it? I felt her stare at me and knew I had to start somewhere. Instantly I stared down at sad Journey, who seemed to know something was terribly wrong with me. Almost like how the entire time I was gone off and getting high again, he was here waiting, knowing I was ruining myself more.

"How are you and your girlfriend?" She stared softly, obviously knowing I needed time to start with what it was I wanted to say. But this subject that reminded me of even more wrongs I'd been doing.

I liked Desiree when I was alone with her. When I was with her, without reminder of someone else. Those thoughts always came to haunt me at night if I wasn't aware of them during the day.

"We're good. She's good." I breathed out.

"What's making you look so sad?" She spoke out, as if meaning to hold it in. "Sorry, you don't have to tell me. I feel like you've been really really down lately." Macy's voice sounded almost like she was hurting, too.