The Origins Trilogy

Chapter 10

I moved through my daily tasks robotically, my mind was still reeling from the events that happened before. I barely took notice to the jabs that the desk clerks took at me when I came in, I didn't even notice the time passing or even take notice to the fact that Dr. Sorkin hadn't bothered me at all that day.

Apparently, she'd realized that I wasn't exactly in a talking mood and decided it would be best for her not to try an approach me. Although, today, I don't think I would have minded so much had my hate for her distracted me from the thoughts that were plaguing my mind. I still could not believe what happened yesterday, it all felt like a horrible, terrible, dream.

I've read stories and watched movies where I would see people murder each other, but this was entirely different. In the movies people just see these monsters kill one another, but in reality, so much more goes into killing someone than I ever would have imagined.

Yesterday, before I'd gone to sleep, I was joyous, I was happy, this man was finally out of my life and I was free from him. I'd killed a human being and I never felt more alive. Although waking up the next morning, the crushing reality of what I had done truly sank in. I never thought I was capable of something so heinous, the smell of his blood, the fear in his eyes, all came rushing back to me.

But what frightened me most was not the fact that I took his life, but how much I enjoyed watching the light leave his eyes. Hearing his final exhale before his life completely ebbed from his body. Normal people, regular people, were not supposed to feel this way after committing patricide, but I felt absolutely inspired.

The only thing I feared was getting caught, it was the fear that I would be put away forever that made me regret my actions. The whole day I was on the edge of my seat waiting for a detective or a cop to knock at my door and tell me that my life was over. I waited and waited to see if someone was going to notice my strange behavior and piece it all together.

The whole time I cursed myself for not feeling guilty, because I knew as both a psychology major and a moral human being, that a person was supposed to feel some form of guilt after they take a life. The only regret that I felt was that I wished that I made it last longer.

I wished that I made him suffer more. It felt so good, so therapeutic to snuff his life out of existence, it made me feel like I was on top of the world and at the bottom at the same time. However, there was no denying what I felt when I read that note from the Joker, when he told me that I passed, I couldn't help that my heart skipped a beat.

In some sick way, knowing that the Joker approved of what I had done made me that much happier. It gave me a form of satisfaction that I hadn't felt since I was little, someone being truly proud of me. Words couldn't even begin to describe how my feelings have changed for him after what happened last night.

No one had ever done something like that for me, something so thoughtful, so sweet. I tried to remember, tried to convince myself that the only reason he had done it was because he was testing me, toying with me. I knew he was trying to crack me, I knew that by killing my father I was that much closer to being something that I was trying so hard to hide.

I'd fantasized about killing people before, hell, I'd fantasized about hurting people before, but I never actually did anything, I just forced those thoughts out of my head and tried to ignore them. I knew that it was just the darkness, it was just something I had to live with, something I had to fight against every second of every day no matter what.

But in just a few short weeks, this man has completely flipped my world upside down, made me unleash something inside of me that I locked away since I was little.

He saw something in me, he saw something that he could bring to the surface, and I let him. Instead of proving him wrong, instead of showing myself I was stronger than my carnal desires, I completely gave in and now I had no idea which way was up anymore. I had no idea how I was supposed to feel about anything anymore.