Rants and News

I got kicked out... and im over my ex.

So my dad and stepmom are kicking me out now. It's Sunday, and I have until Tuesday to have all of my stuff out of the house. They told me yesterday. All because I supposedly didn't clean, when I literally did. I watch their 4 year old kid for an hour and a half twice a week, and I know they won't last cuz I'm not watching him if I'm not living there. My friend is thankfully letting me live with her because her mom loves me. I'm paying a little bit of rent and everything until I can afford an apartment. I'm just so fucking sick of this bullshit. Once I pay for my car from my mom, I'm leaving them. They adopted me because they supposedly "love" me, but if they actually loved me then they wouldn't treat me like absolute shit. I'm done with this. I literally can't take it anymore. I've considered cutting and just committing suicide again. I haven't thought about that in 2 years. But recently I can't go a day without thinking about the blade on my skin again. It's relieving. Idk what to fucking do..

And about my ex... yeah I'm officially over him. I literally fucking hate him. I realized he never actually loved me. Ever. He never changed his Facebook status when we were dating but changed it when he started dating some chick he just met, he would randomly just ignore me for reasons he wouldn't tell me, he wouldn't hold my hand in public, and now I found out he never even talked about me the way he talks about his recent ex. I'm realizing now that he NEVER loved me.

This is why I can't fucking date. He fucked with my head hardcore. I have severe trust issues as it is. I let him take my goddamn virginity!!!! A lot of guys were messaging me about fucking and I turned all of them down until it came to him. He wanted to fuck and I said yes because I genuinely loved him. I thought he loved me, but now I'm realizing he didn't. He never did. He just used me because I had a car and money. I'm sick of him. I can't trust anyone anymore. I've been hurt far too many times by different guys. Fuck I just wish he actually fucking loved me so I didn't have to feel this way!!! God idek what I did wrong! I'm sick of this fucking shit!