a visit

X: what now?

Well guess what! , I think that being this little kid can have its perks ye know , it's hard to tell how inventive half of the @##$ that I get away with can be a little encrusting , little by little we get this derivative sense of goodness that would make us feel weird, he looked over at the wall , and at a picture that featured what looked to be him and a kid , I immediately asked him "something you'd rather not remember" , he looked over at me , saying one of the only lines he can get off his mind, "man... , this keeps me on the edge of my seat all the time , ye know , he was a nice fellow , lived his age , probably needed time to reflect off of surfaces to keep a level head , I knew him pretty well , but I never talk about him, jeez... I still wonder why though".

"Well yes I do wonder, that is just a sad representation that you can't get out, tell me who is in this picture, I promise I won't gloat, or give off jokes", "ye really want to know?", "yes goddamn it, yes!" ... (Sighs) ... (Almost tears up while cutting the mint)... (Sighs) ... (Arasion gets up and tries to reach out to him to either hear him, or confront him, or comfort him) ... "you really want to know , why can't you leave it at that , don't you know ethics son , I will tell you , but the reason is not because I want to , but just to curb your enthusiasm , and to continue that same damn tradition that is plaguing for all these years , usually I'd rather not tell this story to anyone , it's just too sad ,and now it's where I'd realize that giving everyone my back story wouldn't change anything , honestly you can see how my introduction to someone is how every relation ends , they always tell me , maybe you should take some rest , maybe I can give honestly you can see how my introduction to someone is how every relation ends , they always tell me , "maybe you should take some rest , maybe I can give you time , or maybe I should leave you alone to not get too sad" (tears up a bit more , and then speaks while crying for a little bit) you know sometimes keeping this out of whack wouldn't work for everyone, but I roll with the punches , and assume that every one left their family in that @#$%#$% war of mine, I realize that half of their parents and family died before the war , and the rest "get" to keep them , I don't , I lost them , and the story isn't pretty , it's just @#$%$#@ shallow , left with a zero tolerance policy on my nerves , it just @#$#@ with me , it's why I have nerve and the thought of suicide and anger , I just counter it with this " they died a long time ago , just @#$# off and be glad that they're dead and you're alive" , it almost sounds like the devil is speaking , it just sounds like the alone time is being used and is tarnishing my reputable state , that one that is telling me grown man , why are you crying , and I reply with more bickering , the sincerer would have more to hit you with, (sighs) , but it was clear right from the start , I left her in the sides , she was crying the most horrific of tears , (weeps , then wretches a bit, with Arasion standing back ,and sitting down again to give him space).

God knows how much he is going through , I mean , I would falter away with the only thing that I have , and that is faith that he would get better, it struck me , I remember the wisps of war flowing through me , the problem is how are they going to trust you when they know that you are a war making machine , they'd realize that they've been dealing with the devil this whole time , and I have been a bit tormented by his saying , but it seemed more interesting , his story needed to be known, but at the same time , I didn't want to hurt him , it is crazy the ways people tackle different placements in life , but he seemed a bit gone , he always was pushed back , and that didn't resonate with me , no one cared for him , so I thought it was my duty to ethically care for him , just so I can be able to keep him from killing himself , or doing something that is brash and arrogant , I was scared , but dealing with a person who is depressed , is a whole other , you can't give someone this train wreck of a man the same margins to a story relaying buffoon , so I just needed to comfort him , I think he loved talking , he loved to have company , I will ask him ,and try to keep him calm as he is telling his story , I just want him to stay sane and keep himself off the rail ways.