Repetitious Affairs

The Last Hurrah

I tried so desperately to show you:

You were worth it.

Through the way our eyes danced together

every time they made contact,

And through every carefully planned word

that so graciously flew off my tongue.

The effort I expelled was that of a thousand

racing horses -

Though untamed and ready to run off at any

given moment.

I never ran.

Your mind was clouded with thoughts that

even you couldn't comprehend -

And I couldn't navigate through them if they

were printed on a map.

The unintentional harmonies we made were

loud and fierce - with a constant crescendo

that eventually was too much to bear.

We were a ticking time bomb.

You had never been trained in how to tango,

And your feet always managed to be in the

wrong place at the wrong time - through

everything.

You were skilled at being imperfect - nothing

about you made sense, but somehow:

It worked.

Our hands were a part of a brilliant puzzle,

but our pieces didn't always fit together

comfortably. Even so, I tried to make the end

goal work - tried to make the puzzle complete.

I understood your words so few, and

managed  to make sense of your extremely

complex recipe - but something about me

entering your secret world terrified you.

I still tried.

I brought about a comfort that too soon

became uncomfortable, and the familiarity of

me always being there was taken for granted.

I always made sure to calm your intense

storms and would bring an umbrella to stand

beside you in your rain.

After awhile, our eyes no longer made

beautiful choreography and you always

seemed to be looking elsewhere.

Searching.

And through it all I realized,

I had never stopped trying.

I made sure that after our harmonies got too

loud, to bring you a silence that was

welcoming and calm.

I made sure to bring a compass when your

thoughts got too obscure.

I tried.

But for me,

You did nothing at all.

And all at once it became clear to me:

To you,

I was never worth it.